Bobby Seay’s shoulder is all pain and mystery


photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

We all know by now that Bobby Seay is starting the season on the DL, right? Yes. Good. I normally wouldn’t make a whole new post for something so obvious, but the Story of the SeayShoulder has gone from yet another ho-hum persistent tendonitis-like ailment to something much more sinister. Insert evil echoey laughter here.

Bobby Seay will see a third doctor about the soreness in his left shoulder and said “I can’t talk about what it is yet, but it was never bursitis and never tendonitis. Not even close.”
Tom Gage/Detroit News

THEN WHAT IS IT?? He can’t talk about it… yet! Dun duuuuuunnnnnn. I must admit that I am intrigued. It was never ‘even close’ to tendonitis? What manner of shoulder deviltry are we dealing with here? Is it one of Nate’s teratomas? Has his shoulder joint come completely apart, held in place by his skin, like a leather bag of loose wire hangers? Is it a cyst the size of a cantaloupe, filled with humours so vile that Science cannot even conceive of their existence?

Maybe a small portal to an alternate dimension has opened up in Bobby Seay’s shoulder, and the resulting instability of the joint area has been causing him pain (not to mention the problems with all the alternate dimension aliens coming through the portal and the alternate dimension radiation in wavelengths unknown to man and all that). Or maybe it’s a simple ShoulderMonster, as illustrated above. A most troublesome protrusion, of course. It’s the teeth that really get you.

We can only hope that Mr. Seay will see fit to elucidate this matter soon enough. Because now he’s got us all hyped up on curiosity. You can’t just leave it at that, Bobby!

9 responses to “Bobby Seay’s shoulder is all pain and mystery

  1. Troubles come in threes—my guess is that it’s a thoracic outlet problem , like Bonderman and Rogers . . . :(

    And actually, I have no basis whatever for saying that, other than it’s a shoulder problem.

  2. Um….has anyone looked into a possible correlation with the sudden mammaric growth of Seay’s right breast?

  3. Has his shoulder joint come completely apart, held in place by his skin, like a leather bag of loose wire hangers?

    Ack!!

  4. You guys are missing the obvious. Any long-time ROTT reader knows that the problem is his oblique.

  5. I wonder if a spazzasaur lived with him during the winter? They might have followed him home and gnawed on his shoulder for sustenance until spring camp opened up.

  6. My reaction upon first seeing this photo:

    “Oh noes! Not the spazzasaurus! Not this early in the season, anyway.”

  7. rea, maybe the Tigers are home to the world’s first outbreak of contagious thoracic outlet syndrome?

    Misopogon, ha ha, go easy on him! He was awkwardly shoving his chest out in that photo and with his body type it just didn’t go well.

    FrogMan, sorry! Kind of.

    Mrs Y, you are, of course, correct. It’s always the oblique, isn’t it? Even if it turns out to be something else, we know in our hearts that the oblique has involved itself somehow. Sigh.

    Paul M, heitk1le, noooo, the Spazzosaurus is orange and bulky! This beast is jersey-colored and has a longer, more slender jaw. Plus as you can see, his teeth are clearly adapted for harsh rending, while the Spazzosaurus’ rounded chompers are clearly adapted for prolonged chewing.

  8. the Spazzosaurus is orange and bulky! This beast is jersey-colored and has a longer, more slender jaw. Plus as you can see, his teeth are clearly adapted for harsh rending, while the Spazzosaurus’ rounded chompers are clearly adapted for prolonged chewing.

    It’s clearly a Spazzoraptor, with those teeth. My family authority on dinosaurs, my 9-year old quasi-grandson, confirms this.

  9. bobby looks like he’s about a b cup now.

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