Roar of the Tigers unveils the most important chart you will see this season.


chart… thing, by Samara Pearlstein

Where were the Tigers’ high socks on the field today? Feast your information-hungry eyes upon this simple yet informative graphic, and learn all that you need to know!

Right now, as you can see, the dreaded pajama pants are outnumbering the High Socks of Aesthetic Righteousness. Something must be done about this, especially because most of the pitchers are pajama-lovers and we were lucky to have Dontrelle representing out there today. Curtis Granderson always wore his socks up… no pressure or anything, Austin, just sayin’…

I also know I’ve seen Laird with his socks up before. I feel like he wore them up a lot last season? He didn’t have them up for this one, though. A grave disappointment. I mean, there are only so many years when a dude gets the chance to wear a baseball uniform, you know? Why waste them in pajama pants? Why not seize the opportunity to actually look like a baseball player while that opportunity still exists? THESE ARE THE MISTAKES YOU END UP REGRETTING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, PEOPLE.

Basically, I have no idea what to say about the game that was played today (Tuesday). The Tigers should have lost, and probably WOULD have lost if they were playing a team that did not have the Royals bullpen. But poor Brian Bannister had thrown over 90 pitches after 6.1 innings and could not go on. Enter the bullpen. Six Tiger runs scored in the 7th inning. This is after the Tigers had been utter weaksauce for the first six innings, of course.

We don’t get to play the Royals all year. If the best we can muster up is a weird, overly and needlessly dramatic come-from-behind win against the bullpen, when we’re playing THE ROYALS… if that’s the BEST we can do… well, I grow concerned. I worry, that’s all.

14 responses to “Roar of the Tigers unveils the most important chart you will see this season.

  1. the obvious solution to this would be to play donnie kelly more, since he always, ALWAYS, has his socks up.

  2. ivantopumpyouup

    I think Laird stopped wearing the high socks at some point last season, perhaps to change his hitting mojo. It didn’t quite work, but he never went back to the high socks.

    Also, Austin has much to learn, on the socks-side of things.

  3. On Monday, MC made an egregious, lollygagging, brown-eyed-glare-inducing blunder–in pajama pants.

    Duly chastened into penance (or perhaps simply Scherzer-eyesed), he appeared today in HSAR.

    And yet…when the Kinge of High Socks himself was revealing the glory of the HSAR by fielding a ball in improbable manner and conveying said ball first baseward in runner-retiring fashion, then…well then, instead, the ball plopped harmlessly out of the specially designed first-baseman-ball-trap, HSAR notwithstanding.

    Now I have considered many things. After improvement last season and a few fine plays to begin this season, chatter has begun chattering that MC may be a future gold glover at first.

    But MC is yet young, and moreover from a faraway land, and–well, could it be, in a terrible misunderstanding, that he has begun to wear an actual glove constructed of gold? Would that not account for the events of the last 2 days? And wouldn’t that make you re-evaluate all of the “routine” plays he made (sure, routine with a glove of LEATHER!), and appreciate him all the more?

    But no, personally I think it more likely that today’s run-costing thing happened with leather glove, and in spite of the make-amends HSAR. And I think this says something very poignant about the Human Condition.

  4. If the best we can muster up is a weird, overly and needlessly dramatic come-from-behind win against the bullpen, when we’re playing THE ROYALS… if that’s the BEST we can do…

    They all count as wins–they don’t award style points. :)

  5. True rea, they do all count as wins.

    And yet they also award style points. The tallies are secret, and cumulative, and communicated to the umpires to be used to tip the scales in toss-up situations.

    100 more style points last season, and Inge would have been Hit By the Pitch and the Tigers would have scored the winning run against the Twins.

  6. I too, am a fan of the high socks.
    I remember one day when we had that dreaded start in the 08 season, ALL the guys wore their socks up as some sort of uniting together to break their awful playing.
    I can’t remember if it worked. But it was CLEARLY the best game ever.

  7. Alli, indeed he does, although yesterday he came in to replace Damon… so we didn’t add high socks to the field, we just swapped them.

    ivan, he should’ve known that never works… changes TO the socks, perhaps, but changing away from the socks is just negative mojo all ’round.

    Coleman, technically it was a blue-and-brown-eyed-glare-inducing error the other day. Given the starter and all. But I did notice the latest E and lo, I did frown mightily upon it. The only thing I can say is that at least he didn’t look as lackadaisical about it as he did the other day.

    rea, in addition to Coleman’s entirely accurate peek into the Style Point Collusion, I find it concerning from the ‘this crud ain’t gonna fly versus an even marginally better team’ point of view.

    Shannon, and, you know, the Tigers minor leaguers all have to wear their socks up. SOMEONE in the organization clearly understands this thing, but for whatever reason it just hasn’t trickled upward yet. Something MUST be done!

  8. My favorite stat of the day: Roman Colon entered this game with a 54.00 ERA against the Tigers in 2010. He exited the game with a 54.00 ERA against the Tigers in 2010. (It’s 5.79 for his career, but it was 2.07 as of 10 days ago.) Take that, you Toledo assaulter, you.

  9. maybe it’s too early in the morning for me, but it took a second for my eyes to adjust to the highly important chart. I almost kind of had nightmares!

    moar highsocks pls. although I’m glad to know miggy wore them the day after he made a mistake, and hopes he keeps wearing them to avoid future mistakes. The high socks are the key!

  10. ivantopumpyouup

    Aw, Phil Coke’s gonna be so hard on himself now!

  11. Miggy with the big PPF today (Pajama-Pants Fail).

  12. David O. (13194013)

    High socks represent all that is good in the baseball world but stirrups are even more good (yes, more good) and are sorely lacking in today’s baseball uniforms.

    If I were an owner, instead of a prohibition on facial hair, I’d have a prohibition on pajama bottoms. High socks or stirrups for everyone!

  13. Remember that game a few years back when the whole team wore their socks up “for team unity” or something. We won that one, didn’t we. Just sayin’.

  14. Kevin in Toronto

    I love the “all minor leaguers must wear high socks” mandate in theory… But I just fear it incentivizes PJ pants when they make it to The Show. “I’m in the bigs, now nobody can tell me what pants to wear!” I’m afraid we just need to hope kids make the right choice on their own.

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