illustration by Samara Pearlstein
FIVE for FIVE.
That’s really all I have to say about that.
Congrats also to:
Scott Sizemore, for his first big league home run,
Brennan Boesch, for his first big league home run, which just happened to be a grand slam,
Gerald Laird, for a real actual extra base hit,
Jose Valverde, for everything that makes him HIM,
and finally to Rick Porcello, for getting very, very, VERY lucky. I’ve got my beady little eye on you, mister, you’d better step it up next time. The only reason I won’t yell at you right now is because I don’t want to distract too much from the kittens getting their first big hits, and from Austin Jackson’s awesomeness.
OH WAIT ONE MORE! Congrats to all the fans, for surviving another April in the D. It’s over now, friends. It’s over. Breathe easy.