When Twinkies Attack


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Max, Max, Max. What happened? Seven runs in the first two innings? Eighty-seven pitches through 4.1? Do you have a little tummy bug, maybe? Was Joel Zumaya up all night playing Guitar Hero really loudly in the hotel room next to yours, keeping you from getting a good night’s sleep? Do you feel a nasty grabbing sensation in your oblique?

Are you simply allergic to Twinkies?

I just need to know. I need this (and the previous six run, 3.2 inning effort) to make some kind of sense. Thanks in advance.

Highlight of the game: Rod and Mario making fun of Ryan Raburn’s habit of sticking his tongue out and kind of chewing on it when he’s concentrating really hard.

Additionally: “Now I don’t have to dress with my coach’s you-know-whats in my face.” Jim Leyland, talking about the new (apparently bigger) clubhouses in Creepy Twin Park. Rod Allen calls him “a beaut”.

What else, what else? It was pretty cool that Brad Thomas was able to come in and effectively save the entire ‘pen. Between this and Justin’s efforts on Sunday, the Detroit bullpen should actually be nice and fully rested for the remainder of this series.

When Inge hit his first homer of the year, Lance Parrish bought him a bottle of champagne. So now Inge is buying each rookie a bottle of champagne as they hit their first homers.

Alexi Casilla is growing something truly atrocious on his chin right now.

The Yankees’ only visit to Comerica this season (starting a week from today), Granderson will not be playing, as he’s on the DL at the moment. I don’t like him being hurt, even now that he’s tainted by the Ultimate Baseball Evil, but thank cats for this, seriously. Don’t know if he’ll be traveling with the team or not. I like to think that he’d want to, but I don’t know if the Yankees will encourage/allow that.

I’m a little concerned about that limestone backstop at Twinkie Field. It’s padded behind the left-handed batters, but the righties have only (literal) rock-hard wall behind them. I feel like it’s just a matter of time before some catcher goes back after a foul ball and hits that wall hard or something. It looks good, but it makes me nervous.

Sure is nice to not watch our fielders lose balls in the ceiling, though.

10 responses to “When Twinkies Attack

  1. ivantopumpyouup

    Poor Scherzer, he’s all emo during the post-game interview (and rightly so). I think he needs a group hug.

  2. and how bout Boesch’s arm. small highlight for this disaster of a game..

  3. Pingback: Welcome: Vinny Watch over at 11 a.m. | Outside the Clubhouse

  4. That picture is awesome! I love how the Twinkie is like…slavering.

  5. ivan, aww, I turned it off as soon as the game ended. Was he as sad as Phil Coke after that one outing? I hope not… :/

    Alli, point! I forgot to mention that. He’s certainly had a fair start since he came up.

    CJ, the better to illustrate its Evil, you know.

    Hawkeye, we’ll see if the Tigs make it so…

  6. I’d be outrunning Paws if I saw one of those Twinkies coming down Michigan Avenue or Woodward near Comerica Park.

  7. Gigantic Twinkie on the Left: Thy name is Jim Thome.

  8. ivantopumpyouup

    I didn’t see the Coke interview. :/ But Scherzer was bummin’ pretty hard.

  9. Just saw the news about Harwell. Condolences to everyone in Tigertown.

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