whatever this is, by Samara Pearlstein
Falling asleep, bullet points.
–The Tigers took 3 out of 4 from the Yankees, including two shutouts. The starters all gazed upon the dessicated flesh of Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada, Mariano Rivera, those old dudes, and instead of recoiling in horror and giving up a thousand runs, they narrowed their eyes and in some cases their hairlines, and they shut that pinstriped business down. What to say? If they could play like this all the time, I would be a happy cat. It won’t happen, so I will remain a surly human.
–I was only able to see the beginning of the game before I had to leave for work. As I was driving home, I called my dad, who told me that the Tigers had won and Justin Verlander had gone 6.2 innings. Immediately I ask, “How many pitches?”
My dad said, “Um… a lot. But he was good!” I’m glad that he was good, but you can’t deflect me from my paranoid obsession with his pitch count, no indeed.
Turns out ‘a lot’ is 119 pitches. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about your Ways just because you shut out the Yankees this time, Justin. Don’t think for one second I’m going to let this pass by. And whatever happened to Leyland keeping him on a pseudo-pitch-count? Were those just empty words? I bet they were. Sigh.
–Since when do the Yankees have someone named ‘Nova’ on their team? Nova? What the hell is this, when did I start following a show on Syfy again? I thought I swore off that stuff after Stargate: Atlantis ended.
–Brennan Boesch is giving me the vapors.
–Eddie Bonine has gotten into 14 games so far this season. He’s thrown 18.2 innings, and his ERA is 0.96. His WHIP is the same. I want to take that knuckleball and cuddle it. I just want to cuddle it so hard.
–Not Tigers, but AL Central: Trey Hillman is out as the manager of the Royals. Ned Yost is in. The last time I saw Ned Yost in person, he was busy shoving his hands down his pants. I’m just saying.
–It’s that time of year, kids and kittens. The Red Sox are coming to Detroit. My brain is about to melt out of my ears. I don’t know if I should be happy that I’m working during both of the weekend games, or if I should be even more upset than usual. What will probably happen is that I’ll stay up to watch the NESN replays at odd hours and then I’ll hate myself even more the next day, and I will write something completely incoherent over here, which won’t be all that different from the usual state of affairs, but there may be more egregious misspellings. Prepare yourselves.
–Mohawk rundown: Johnny Damon, Joel Zumaya, Phil Coke, Brad Thomas, Eddie Bonine, Jeremy Bonderman, Brandon Inge, Fu-Te Ni, Alex Avila, Ryan Perry, bullpen catcher Scott Pickens. Am I missing anyone?
Mohawk cartoons to come at some point tomorrow, when I’m not falling asleep and occasionally drooling on the keyboard. Which I may or may not be doing right now.