the complete Verlander


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

There it is! The Verlander performance for which we have all been waiting! He threw 116 pitches, yes, but he managed to stretch those out over A WHOLE NINE INNINGS. Justin Verlander! Was! Efficient!

Finally! Finally! FINALLY! PRAISE BE TO PAWS!

I cannot overstate my happiness with this Verlanderian performance. Dallas Braden pitched a good game, so it was imperative that Verlander be great and not merely piddlingly good. He stepped right up to the task on little kitty paws and extended his little kitty claws and tore the hell out of the Athletics. Just blood everywhere. Then he cleaned his paws off by licking them, as all cats do, while Ryan Sweeney stood there crying.

Actually I’m not really sure where I was going with that, but I guess you can take it as my overall impression of the game.

I was sort of taking notes until I started falling asleep, but one of them said 68-69 pitches for Justin through 6!!!!!!! Obviously I was pretty excited by that. Now, I wasn’t paying super close attention to the pitch selection, but I did note that Justin was striking guys out at a much, uh, gentler rate than usual. I’m sure the Oakland hitters were helping him out some, but he did not seem to be living as squarely in the hit-it-or-die section of the strikezone as he has in the recent past. This was a good thing! Fewer pitches in that zone = fewer fouled-off balls = fewer endless at-bats = efficient Verlander = complete game victory = happy RotT.

Other things:

–Brandon Inge shaved off his mohawk. It seems this is not a hairstyle that many Tigers can stomach for too long. ALSO IT WAS BRANDON INGE’S BIRTHDAY TODAY. He turned 33 years ancient.

–Dallas Braden has one of those hipster tattoos of a mustache on the side of his forefinger, so when he holds his finger up under his nose it makes a fake mustache. Rod and Mario were laughingly incredulous.
Mario: “Now, would YOU go to the trouble of getting a tattoo on your finger, just so you could do that?”
Rod: “Never.”

–I also noticed that Braden had ripped out a section of fabric from the front and center of his undershirt collar. Pretty sure this was done to obliterate the Nike swoosh that usually lives there, and if so… well done, Mr. Braden. Continue the fight against insidious logo creep.

–The first run of the game for anybody came in the top of the 7th, with a Brandon Inge leadoff home run of infinite glory. The game was scoreless for six innings, that’s how wicked the pitching was all ’round.

–Danny Worth, of all cats, was 3-for-3.

–The A’s did not manage to get a single extra-base hit against Verlander. None of them had more than one hit on the night.

–Rajai Davis was wearing his socks up. They’re dark green low stirrups with yellow sanis, and he has a yellow A’s logo on the outsides of his ankles. Pretty sharp. Little white or orange Olde English Ds on the ankles of high Tiger socks would be sweet.

12 responses to “the complete Verlander

  1. ivantopumpyouup

    Also, on the ten minutes of Tigers Weekly we were allowed to see, this happened:

    Gerald Laird lit Brennan Boesch’s pants on fire. And then this transpired:

    Laird: Are you hot?
    Boesch: Actually I’m kind of cold. [looks down and sees his ankle is on fire]

  2. Alright Justin! It’s great to see him back on track… if only we can get FredFred, D-Train, Aaaaaarmando and someone else on their games, we’re going to look good this year in the Central. Although I’m a little concerned with the amount of rookies we’ve had to use in the field thus far, they seem to be holding up pretty well (much better than Guillen, the man made of glass).

    Go Tigers!

  3. HawkeyeEdward

    I wonder how many players slept in the clubhouse overnight. I’ll bet Bondo didn’t even go to the ballpark last night.

  4. The image of Verlander as a satisfied cat, licking his paws is kind-of cool, and kind-of disturbing, at the same time.

    On the subject of haircuts, I can’t remember what game I was watching earlier in the week when Mario said he’d been talking to Brandon before the game and asked what his wife thought of his mohawk. Brandon’s reply was that he’d told her, “You can’t mess up ugly.” Which completely cracked up Rod, Mario, and me.

  5. I was at the game and even while it was happening, I was watching Verlander’s pitch count on the board and thinking, “Ooooh, Sam is going to be SO happy about this!” Phil Coke is apparently from here (??) and had several very adorable fans behind the bullpen with signs. And Bondo was there, at least before the game started. The crowd was probably half Tigers, and it should be even more Tigery today considering it’s a Thursday day game!!!! GO TIGERS!!! :D (And Happy Tiger Pride Day No. 2.)

  6. I thought this game was dedicated to you.
    Must see this ridiculous tattoo.
    JV! 9 innings! I didn’t think we’d ever see those two things together.
    Can we get an urgent open letter to Miggy’s curly mullet? Because this hair raising madness must stop!!

  7. I never would have expected such a hipster tattoo on a MLB player…

  8. I should have known you had your #1 Tiger’s birthday on here. Hope he celebrated accordingly.

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