don’t touch my Tigers, you Mariners

photo by Samara Pearlstein

I was looking for a photo to use in this post, since it is nearly 1 am and my hands are not forming coherent lines right now. So I was looking for Tigers who had done well, but I was mad at them on account of the loss. I started looking at Mariners who did well, which I don’t like to do but at this point I like being lazy about the post even more.

Milton Bradley had a good night but the most recent photos I had of him were in a Rangers uni, which…. eh. I don’t have anything of Doug Fister. Then I looked at Franklin Gutierrez, who was 2-for-3 with a walk, 3 runs scored, and a home run off of Verlander. Pretty disgusting, obviously, but also post-header-image-worthy.

I searched my Flickr photostream and what do I find but THIS PHOTO RIGHT HERE, with Gutierrez hugging– HUGGING!– Miguel Cabrera before a game. As if they’re old chums! As if a year and a month into the future, Gutierrez would not be beating all over the Tigers like a thing that dispenses beating. YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, MIGUEL. This really steams my goat-steak. Normally I am all in favor of fraternization and showing the love, but right now I am going to be irrational and rail against this. At least mumble semi-coherently about it.

JUSTIN. What happened? You were pitching so well, so semi-efficient, and then… and then?

Long story short: Justin was good, until he was over 100 pitches and then he wasn’t. A ton of cats were left on base. Milton Bradley happened, and so did Franklin Gutierrez. It is frustrating, and most of us had to stay up until argh’o’clock at night to watch it. I won’t say that I resent that or anything (*cough*) and I won’t blame anyone (*coughcoughJustincough*). I’m just, you know. Saying.


14 responses to “don’t touch my Tigers, you Mariners

  1. Samara, Miggy’s getting the patented “congratulations, man, it’s a girl” dude love-hug, nothing more.

    Being a dude just slightly older than Miguel, I can vouch that this is a totally cool hug between dudes. Having a new kid is a special moment when our collective dude-ophobia breaks down and we can share dude hugs with any other paternal dude, even if he’s a stranger dude, or even a non-Tiger American League player-dude.

    It’s a special moment, when we dudes acknowledge that we are transitioning from dudes to dads, trading in our inherent dude coolness to spend the rest of our lives in seriously un-dude fretting over whether our girls will find happiness, be healthy, or grow up to be bloggers.


    You know what is like statutorily* un-dude, though? Not having Miguel Cabrera in this lineup.

    * as in, so not-cool there should be a law against it.

  2. Also, for costing the Tigers a game during a pennant race, I hope Little Miss Cabrera realizes she’s grounded for 18 years from the second she gets home.

  3. ivantopumpyouup

    Dude, if you look closer, you can see a second Mariner in on the hugging action. It’s like a . . . hugging threeway WITH THE ENEMY.


  4. omigod you’re right! Third dude!

    Still falls under all “Dude: Daughter!” “Daughter, Dude!” and “Dude…Daughter, Dude!!!” categorical protections.

  5. The team absolutely needed Miggy’s voodoo magic tonight. It was fun to watch (I was there! Inge got a home run! The Mariners made a ridiculous error!) but the loss hurt.

    On the other hand, watching Zumaya deal with drunken hecklers is now one of my favorite things. Tonight this guy was yelling things at him like, “Joel, you’re OVEREXTENDING! You need to keep your feet on the rubber!” And Zoom looks right at the guy, nods seriously, and says, “You must be a little-league coach.” Which shut the guy the hell up.

  6. Upon further inspection, I think I see a straight-up one-on-one hug, with another Mariner that just happens to be right there. It doesn’t appear to me to be a 3-way hug at all.

    Also, as Sam explained, it’s a photo from when the Tigers were in Seattle a little over a year ago (Miggy didn’t even join the team plane to Seattle at all), so this was not a freshly-minted-paternity hug situation at all.

    All that said, Tigers games on the west coast are just rumors to me. I see that they lost; I see that JV was only middling after 5 starts where he was dominating; I see an Inge HR and other tidbits; I see highlights in the morning on TV. I’m pretty sure that the last time I cared deeply about west coast games was when they went west after the 35-5 start in ’84.

  7. I have an understanding with this team. When I stay up late to watch a West Coast game, it’s because we’ve all agreed that it will be worth it to me to do so.

    The Tigers broke my trust last night. Everything was fine until the 8th inning. But by the time the wheels came off, it was already past my bedtime and I figured I might as well see the end.

  8. HawkeyeEdward

    Remember when we thought a 3-4 road trip would be good?

    I quit the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

  9. I thought we were going to pull this one out. 3-2 lead going into the late innings… I wish I could say Leyland should have gone to the pen, but hindsight is 20/20. After all, these are the light-hitting Mariners, no one could expect a late offensive outburst like what happened. **frownie face**

  10. I have a theory that one of the big changes for the Tigers this year is that Miguel Cabrera is happy.

    My recollection from last year is that he usually had a scowl on his face, and my hypothesis is that this presumed unhappiness presumably led to his end-of-season unhappy incident. This year, a happy Cabrera is paying big bonuses for the Tigers. Most of the time the TV picks up Cabrera’s face, I see a smile.

    So I’m hoping that a proud Papa Cabrera will be even happier and mash the ball even more when he gets back, and that this will more than make up for any shortcomings the Tigers experience now against the Mariners.

  11. The phrase “steams my goat-steak” is disturbing to me for some reason.

    Miggy needs to work on his time-traveling ESP for precisely these situations. Then again maybe Gutierrez had honed his own time-traveling ESP and the hug he gave Miggy a year ago was preemptive congratulations for the new baby…

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