illustration by Samara Pearlstein
Vote Miguel Cabrera into the 2010 All Star game. It is the Right Thing to Do. In fact, it is the only right thing you can do. If you vote for anyone else, you are actively working to destroy everything that is good in the world, like chocolate and kittens and sunshine and the innocent trust of a child. Do you want to work to destroy those things? DO YOU REALLY? I mean, kittens.
Currently leading the voting at first base is Mark Teixeira, who is batting .211/.326/.363 with 8 home runs. Yes, you read that correctly, this rubber-faced trollbeast, hitting a weaksauce .211, is LEADING THE VOTING. Brandon Inge is doing better than that and Brandon Inge is having a wretched season at the plate so far. Teixeira is currently ahead of Justin Morneau AND Billy Butler AND Miguel Cabrera, and everyone else in the entire first-base-playing world, simply because he wraps his rump in pinstripes. This is a wrongness. It is a mockery of Major League Baseball and the entire All Star system. (Not that the system isn’t already a mockery of itself, but you know, worse than usual, etc.)
If you vote for Miguel Cabrera, you are making some strides, however small, towards righting this wrong. And if we get EVERYONE to vote for Miguel Cabrera, why, lots of small strides can add up to one gigantic stomp that crushes Mark Teixeira under its Heel of Justice. YES. FOR BASEBALL!
If you refrain from voting at all, know that your apathy is just as damaging. Inaction can be as harmful as the wrong action, kids and kittens, never forget that.
Again, you can vote right over here. You can (and should) vote up to 25 times per email address, up until midnight on July 1. There are no Tigers leading in any categories. Only YOU can
stop forest fires fix this voting mess!
—Adam Everett will be designated for assignment on Tuesday. The Tigers will bring up Danny Worth to take his place. They’ve had a lot of patience for Everett’s offensive shortcomings, so I’m not sure why the plug is being pulled right now, but it is, and we all must live with the impending absence of Adam Everett’s hair from our immediate lives. I suppose Ramon Santiago will get some more playing time if Worth ends up being shaky. But this is apparently the year of starting kittens at the big league level and giving them a ton of at-bats and just hoping it works out for the best. Thus far we’re 1-and-1 on that (Jackson, yes; Sizemore, no), so.
Leyland said he never met John Wooden, the legendary UCLA men’s basketball coach who died on Friday at age 99 — but when asked who he’d most like to meet, that he hasn’t yet, it wasn’t a sports figure.
“Barbra Streisand,” he said. “I almost introduced myself to her one time when she was at a game in Los Angeles, but I didn’t have the nerve. I’ve just always admired her as a singer and entertainer. I thought she was the greatest of all time.
“She’s on my bucket list. But I’m doubt I’m on hers.”
Tom Gage/Detroit News
I… ok. We do already know that Mr. Leyland can sing shockingly, unexpectedly well; perhaps this is related?
—Dontrelle’s first game as a Diamondback was glorious. He threw six shutout innings. He singled and scored the first run of the game (greenlighted on a ball hit to the outfield, he ended up sliding headfirst across home, just barely beating out the throw). He got the win. Oh, my Dontrelle! I wipe a happy/sad tear of pride from my eye.