Pirate Tigers by Samara Pearlstein
Ha HA! We take your symbols of power and we use them to further our own agenda!
I’m actually starting to care about the Pirates when interleague rolls around. Why? We are not rivals with Pittsburgh (in baseball)! Your transparent attempts at interleague marketing does not work on me, MLB! They have no effect! I don’t care! I don’t! I don’t! But I doooooo….. nnnooooooo, they win again, the rat badgers. Ugh. I have been played.
Anyways, any chance we get to gaze into the bottomless black pits of Ryan Doumit’s eyes is a chance I am happy to take (seriously, check them out sometime, it’s freaky).
QUESTIONS I HAVE AFTER THIS GAME:
–Why were the Pirates wearing their black jerseys? This is not a home game for you, Pirates. Put on those grays.
–Why did Jim Leyland allow Justin Verlander to start the 8th inning? Just to infuriate and baffle me? He had thrown 98 pitches going into the inning, the Tigers were up 6-1, and Phil Coke was already warmed up. Of course Verlander put the first two guys he faced on base, allowing Andrew McCutchen to double and issuing a four-pitch walk (!!) to Neil Walker; Coke later allowed McCutchen to score. Why, Mr. Leyland? WHY?
–Why was Don Kelly batting third? My brother suspects that Leyland does not actually look at the roster, he just slots in replacements wherever the original batter was supposed to go and calls it a day. Magglio was supposed to be hitting third, but his oblique is still eating his side, so Kelly slid into that spot. I believe that this is also being done specifically to infuriate and baffle me.
THINGS I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS GAME THAT ARE NOT QUESTIONS:
–Neil Walker (the Pirates’ third baseman) is Don Kelly’s brother-in-law. Kelly married Walker’s sister. Rod and Mario spent some time wondering whether or not Walker would be invited over to the Kelly household for a meal.
–Austin Jackson was 0-for-5, but he did make a nice running, over-the-shoulder catch. Not quite the OOOOOOHHHH JACKSON! Armando perfect game catch, but it was close. I enjoy seeing his defense hold up even if he’s having a hard time at the plate.
–Brandon Inge was 3-for-4 with a double. Brennan Boesch was 2-for-4 with a homer. Alex Avila was 3-for-3. Ramon Santiago had a homer. Yet Miguel Cabrera was 0-for-4. Go figure.
–Totally still consider Dana Eveland an Oakland A in my mind. At one point we flipped back from another station and I saw that he was in and I thought we had accidentally flipped to the Oakland game. I was confused for even longer than I ought to have been because Oakland has those awful and inexplicable black jerseys, so from the back he looked the same as he would have if he was still an A. I don’t know what’s wrong with my brain.
–One of my favorite baseball stories is still the one about Ross Ohlendorf interning for the Department of Agriculture because he thought it would be a good experience. This is not something that happened when he was in college. We’re talking about THIS PAST OFFSEASON. He had already been a big leaguer for over 2 years. This article about it has a pleasingly dorky picture of Ohlendorf in a suit, which you should look at for maximum story enjoyment.