Tigers win, Toledo takes Ni, and other such tales.


illustration by Samara Pearlstein (click for bigger)

I realize that I am a little late on the ‘Fu-Te Ni is sent to Toledo’ news, but it’s because that news upset me so much and I needed some time to deal with it on my own. I know that his ERA in the month of June is, like, 20.00. Do you think that matters to me? No, it does not, because my love for Fu-Te Ni is beautiful and pure and untainted by things like a logical consideration of his pitching statistics.

Anyways, he’s in Toledo now, hanging out with Rick Porcello and his companion donkey Ryan Perry. Daniel Schlereth was called up to take his place. I was hoping Schlereth would pitch tonight, because it’s doubtful I’ll see much baseball over the holiday weekend, but no such luck. So right now Fu-Te Ni has been replaced by A YAWNING VOID for all I know, which does not, of course, do anything to ease my pain.

Damn you, Muddy. Damn you.

–Max Scherzer pitched really well tonight. Like, really, really well. The definition of ‘really well’ that includes eight innings of one-run ball. I will admit that when he was over 100 pitches after the 7th, and Leyland sent him out to pitch the 8th, I almost ripped my own teeth out in frustration. WHY DO YOU DO THIS JIM WHY WHY WHY. Scherzer got out of the inning unscathed (easily, even) and made Leyland look smart, but I still hate it.

–Further ruminations on Max Scherzer’s super powers: with the blue eye Max Scherzer gazes into the future, with the brown eye he sees into the past. Where the two fields of vision overlap, he sees the present, but in extra dimensions. This is how he can tell that Joe Mauer is an evil robot.

–Brennan Boesch is a beast, a machine, a beaschine. A beaschine who is apparently trying to grow a beard right now. This is either an attempt to look older or an attempt to compete with the Verlander/Avila BeardMasters. Both are losing battles.

–Miguel Cabrera spent the night on the bench because his back was tight/stiff/sore. This could have been dire news indeed for the lineup, but the bats managed to do sufficient damage to keep his absence from being too keenly felt. Of course it helped that these are the Mariners, and neither Cliff Lee nor King Felix was pitching in the game. Miggy is the always aggravating ‘day-to-day’.

–They aren’t making Brandon League wear the full sleeves to cover his arms anymore?

Brandon Inge, ladies and gentlecats. Professional athlete, public figure, role model.

–While I’m at it, here’s Fu-Te Ni in a charity fashion show. Do I adore it? Is Paws mostly orange?

–Our old friend and fellow lover of a good brawl, Kirk Gibson, is now managing the Arizona Diamondbacks, after they fired everyone else. Gibby, managing the team. I KNOW. If they don’t start winning games, he’s going to start breaking legs over there.

–I finally got all the photos from that Tigers/Mets game on the magical internets. They can be found right over here, if you’re interested. Lots of photos. Lots. Many.

6 responses to “Tigers win, Toledo takes Ni, and other such tales.

  1. ivantopumpyouup

    Brandon is the epitome of idiot manchild. Did you happen to see the sequence of photos that resulted in this? Hilarious.

    COMPANION DONKEY. OMG, IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE I CAN’T STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPS. ALSO, HILARIOUS.

    Ah, Fu-Te Ni. I hope he gets it together because he was a pleasant surprise last season and I want SOME Asian prospect/player/etc. to stick. Sigh, grumble grumble mutter needs moar South Koreans mutter.

  2. I hope Porcello, Perry and Ni can get it together down in Toledo. That picture of Damon and Inge made me laugh, especially seeing Brandon peeking in there trying to get some face time. Fu-Te Ni looked very sharp in that outfit he’s wearing.

  3. Oh my GOD, Brandon Inge. Never stop.

    And I’m a little disturbed by the idea of Muddy as some sort of kidnapper… I like what you did with Ni’s glove, though.

  4. Ni in a suit! Adorbs!!

  5. I will admit that when he was over 100 pitches after the 7th, and Leyland sent him out to pitch the 8th, I almost ripped my own teeth out in frustration. WHY DO YOU DO THIS JIM WHY WHY WHY.

    Because he knew he couldn’t call on Ni, that’s why! Who knows if we can trust this Schlereth guy.

    But as far as the manchild we know as Brandon Inge goes… I am at a loss for words…

  6. David O. (13194013)

    Phil Coke is becoming one of my favoritest Tigers ever. I have a love-hate relationship with M’s.

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