cartoon by Samara Pearlstein
The Monday game was not a game for the pitchers. Andy Oliver lasted 1.2 innings, but his nemesis-for-the-day, Kevin Millwood, only lasted 1. Messy all ’round. So it was a good thing that the bat-bearing cats remembered how to hit… as opposed to Sunday, where I am fairly certain Cliff Lee put a magnet in the ball, and he secretly/evilly embedded magnets with that same polarity facing out in all the Tigers’ bats, making it almost physically impossible for the bat to actually touch the ball, unless Brennan Boesch was involved. But that’s just because Brennan Boesch defies the laws of nature.
On Monday, practically everybody had hits. Except for Brennan Boesch. But that was because the Orioles were terrified of him and decided to just walk him as many times as possible (4). This strategy might have seemed logical, especially with Boesch batting fifth (not third or fourth), but the Orioles failed to take into account the fact that the batters behind Boesch were Carlos Guillen and BRANDON INGE, HERO OF OUR TIMES. Both of these cats went 3-for-4. Carlos had 3 RBI. Inge had 4 RBI, with two doubles.
Yes. FOUR RBI for Brandon Inge. So beautiful. So, so beautiful. Even against the Orioles.
You don’t disrespect Brandon Inge. You just don’t. You might see that he’s batting .266, you think it’s safe to mess around with him, but Brandon Inge keeps his numbers deliberately low so that opposing teams won’t expect his deadly attacks. If this seems counter-intuitive to you, it’s only because you don’t have the far-seeing genius of Brandon Inge.
I’m not sure what the deal with Andy Oliver was. I know that he’s but a kitten and these things will happen, he’s still developing as a pitcher, etc, but I do wonder if the heat had anything to do with it. Paws knows I barely function in full sun, in that kind of heat. Maybe Mr. Oliver is similar.
As for the game on the 4th, I didn’t see most of it, but by all accounts there were some really awful calls in there, and that was what set Bondo off into a very legitimate rage. Bondo’s not the kind of guy who goes popping off at every tiny imagined slight, as I think we all know by now. In fact I think the last time I saw him get seriously, deranged-ly riled up was the epic Farnsworth vs. Royals brawl, where he had to be physically restrained by a series of teammates and coaches… including Juan Samuel! Who is now managing the Orioles!
Anyways, my point, inasmuch as I had one, was just that Bondo doesn’t generally get all demonstrative unless there’s a damn good reason, and this latest little incident is no exception. Strikes right down the center of the plate were being called balls when Bondo was throwing them. I don’t think it was happening to Lee…
Why does this kind of thing keep happening to the Tigers this season? What have we done to so thoroughly piss off the umpires? Jim Joyce, Gary Cederstrom, and now this? It’s getting ridiculous. It is one thing to have suspect umpiring all across the board, everyone makes mistakes sometimes, etc., but the Tigers have been getting SO SLAMMED lately. Baffling and irritating.