the All Star game is boring, so here are more cartoons


all illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

A Wrongness: Justin Verlander pitching to Joe Mauer. And here I was, innocently assuming that the All Star game, like all other MLB-sanctioned activities, was supposed to be family friendly. You let the nation’s children watch a perversion of the natural order like that, Bud Selig? For shame. FOR SHAME.

Your All Star Cats:

Miguel Cabrera: 1 for 2 (a single), no Ks, no walks. No injuries.
Justin Verlander: 1 inning, 2 hits (both singles), 2 Ks, no walks. No runs allowed. No injuries.
Jose Valverde: 1 inning, no hits, no walks, 3 Ks. No runs allowed. No injuries.

I am counting this ASG a Tigers win. Almost everything else about the game was either boring or infuriating (sure, we’ll talk about George Steinbrenner and Bob Sheppard until the rally monkeys come home, but will we so much as mention Ernie Harwell’s name?) or both, and the AL lost, which is incredibly embarrassing (the last time the AL lost was 1996). So let us move on to more Terrible Cartoons, which of course are not the least bit embarrassing for any of the parties involved.

Mid-season report card coming at some point tomorrow. More cartoons eventually, as I have a load of them thanks to you nuts, I just have to color them all. Oh, and I think this will post dated July 14, so

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ENRIQUE GONZALEZ

HAPPY BIRTHDAY READER ALLTHEWINE (mwah!)

HAPPY BASTILLE DAY!!

21 responses to “the All Star game is boring, so here are more cartoons

  1. ivantopumpyouup

    LOL at Boesch and Jackson.

  2. hahaha oh my god, I love you. it is exactly what I had envisioned and more.

  3. dreams really do come true. Thanks Sam!!!

    (the Miggy triple crown is now my phone screensaver – best gift evah)

  4. I too was in a state over the omission of recognition for Ernie Harwell. So disrespectful. Such patent disregard. Disgusting.

  5. who loves “the rooks”?!?! you made it so not scary that its safe for paws and me. thank you.

  6. Is Oliver shaken or stirred?

  7. The Rooks! To quote the great Jim Price, wow!
    Austin almost looks like he is enjoying trying out the bird-body. Awesome.

    Now if we could only get all the fans to CAW! every time either comes up to bat…

  8. I can’t believe I’m the first to comment on the Big Potato… because seriously, just look at him. Look at him.

  9. Were you expecting Joe Buck to do anything right? The only way I can deal with broadcasts by that man is to tune him out. Well, we made out okay. No injuries and no one made a fool of himself. And no one had to sit on the bench all night. I’d call that a good All-Star Game.

    Cartoons are awesome, btw.

  10. Awesome. May I add for future cartoons that “Cabrera” means goatherd in Spanish? Just sayin’

    • That explains the, um, chin ornament.

    • Thanks for pointing this out by the way. I don’t know why I didn’t make the connection–I know of the chupacabra, and it’s obviously related to the Greek kapri, as in the goat-filled island Capri, or the word ‘capricious’

      So, hmm, maybe a cartoon depicting a capricious Cabrera found on Capri herding goats, one of which is in a White Sox uniform and being devoured while he looks on benignly…oops there’s the bell, time to return to my cell…

  11. By the way, I can now comment on the Crowned Cabby drawing, having thought of the appropriate word:

    Resplendent.

  12. The potato is AMAZING.

    And I cannot stop giggling at Bonderman. It is perfection in cartoony goodness.

  13. Wilcoxon Signed-Rank

    When you give the ASG, home run drudgery, or Yankee/Red Sox sycophantism any attention, you are only encouraging it/them/Joe Buck.

  14. Ha, thanks guys. Glad the cartoons are able to bring you some mild level of enjoyment. ;)

    ChrisDTX, I think we would like him to be gently poured and not jostled in the slightest, but given recent performance I am leaning towards ‘shaken’. :/

    (and I was totally going to have a background of martini glasses for that cartoon before I got lazy)

    Dale, DOES IT NOW. DOES IT REALLY. I had no idea. Hmmmmmmm

  15. I finally get it. Andy Olive-r

  16. Speaking of giants, apparently Gigantism is a common side-effect of post-Tigerism.

    The Giants have signed homeboy Dontrelle to a minor league deal, and he could join ex-teammates Edgar “ham sandwich” Renteria and Aubrey “GIDP” Huff in SF…

    (Originally giant ex-Tigers seemed promising cartoonwise, but upon reflection, perhaps it is best that un-Tigers cease to exist, cartoonwise).

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