photo by Samara Pearlstein
Reason: He has been mediocre. I’m grading him up because he’s already pitched more innings this year than he did in the previous two seasons– COMBINED.
Reason: I keep forgetting he’s on the team. This could be considered a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you view his position in the bullpen.
Reason: He’s been good on the mound, he’s been hilarious off of it. Anyone who can rock those sideburns is OK by me.
Reason: He got screwed.
Reason: Small sample size.
Reason: My head says D, but my heart says A.
Reason: Small sample size also, but not in a good way. Not graded down further because he’s just a kitten.
Reason: I wonder what percentage of his struggles can be attributed to his arm pain.
Reason: FredFred, baby, what happened?
Reason: His record, ERA, and WHIP are not spectacular, but I like his K/BB ratio and he’s definitely had his moments. Probably could have gone B+ here, but he brings me too much cartoon joy and I cannot justify grading him down.
Reason: Small sample size.
Reason: Very eh. But he has been called upon to fill a lot of random roles this year.
Reason: Great pitching, great facial expressions. Great personality, brings joy to the team and to my life. So far from being Fernando Rodney, he can’t see even the tip of that aggravating pointy goatee. I LOVE YOU PAPA GRANDE, NEVER CHANGE.
Reason: He’s an All Star, he strikes a lot of dudes out, he’s trying his best to anchor the rotation. Still throws too many damn pitches, though.
Reason: I know his big league numbers are good, but THA SAMPLE SIIIIZE.
Reason: deceased (armplosion)
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Reason: At least he’s not Gerald Laird?
Reason: At least he’s not, um… unable to play the catcher position?
Reason: Mr. First Half Awesomesauce Bombasaurus Rex-tastic. Basically.
Reason: The Tigers bent over backwards to give him second, third, fifteenth chances. Fans bent over backwards to try to justify it to themselves. He didn’t (couldn’t?) take advantage. So it goes.
Reason: Mostly I’m just happy that he’s adapting to yet another position shift so well. Relatively speaking. This could have been MUCH worse.
Reason: Oh, shut up. He gets points for defense and for his hilarious, only semi-explicable stranglehold on the Player of the Game voting.
Reason: The failed experiment, doomed to forever be jealous of AJax.
Reason: Small sample size, but he’s Not Adam Everett, so that’s something.
Reason: Oh Brennan Boesch, how do we love thee? Let us count the ways./ We love thee to the depth and breadth and height/ thy bat can reach. (so that’s about 420 to center)
Reason: Easily the Tigers rookie of the first half if Brennan Boesch does not exist. WE ARE OVERRUN WITH OUTFIELD ROOKIE RICHES.
Reason: I’ve got my eye on you, Kelly. I see you up there, wasting a roster spot.
Reason: It would be an A+ if he would grow that hair back out (alternative: start wearing his socks up).
Reason: If I give Kelly a C- I kind of have to give Rhino a C. It’s only fair.
DH OR WHATEVER
Reason: Graded up for general positive influence on the team and solid performance. Graded down for being a filthy turncoat.
This year’s average is a pretty solid B-, leaning slightly towards B. The ’08 average was a C+/B- and the ’09 average was a B-. Since I go into these report cards with absolutely no forethought whatsoever, the fact that they tend to normalize to the same level of overall annoyance with the team each year, regardless of that team’s performance in the standings, is kind of amazing. At least it amazes me. Possibly I am just very easily amazed.