IT’S ALL FALLING APART. AGONY. DESTRUCTION. REALLY TERRIBLE BASEBALL.
Welcome back, Armando Galarraga! Sure, you settled down from the third inning on, but those three runs right out of the gate were a nice way to get back into the swing of things, don’t you think? Yes, yes clearly that is what you think. I am disgusted with your thought process, Armando.
Sure, it’s not like you got any run support whatsoever, but that’s not the point here, now is it. Or, well, it is the point, but only when I’m yelling at the hitters. It’s not the point for YOU, Armando. Like, I appreciate that you were able to stretch yourself into the 8th inning somehow, that’s miraculous and I applaud it, but APPARENTLY Tommy Hunter is some sort of UNSTOPPABLE PITCHING MACHINE and you can’t just GIVE him four runs and expect to get away with it. Who the hell knew? Not us, because as everyone knows the AL West is a fabrication and a lie, just like Mountain Time and fat-free crackers that really do taste like the regular crackers.
And hey, welcome back CASEY FIEN, I didn’t even know you were coming back until I got home tonight and saw that you had already left your
stain mark on the game and possibly the mound itself. Three runs of your own and one of Thomas’ that you so considerately brought in for him, like laundry left out in the rain. Well I know you were just trying to be helpful, Casey, but this was laundry that Brad Thomas wanted to ROT. If you had left it we all would have been happier.
Back-to-back home runs too! How exciting you must have wanted things to be for the people at the ballpark! Further proof of your considerate but wildly misguided nature. If only we could figure out how to aim you properly, we would all be so much happier.
Anyways, welcome back to the Majors. We do SO look forward to seeing what sorts of wonderful things you can do with that 10.13 ERA.