The Wrong Sox have reduced me to a series of disconnected thoughts.

I drew this hat because I want one so much.

This Friday is ‘Parrothead Night’ at Comerica, which is not important. The important thing is that the first 10,000 fans 18 and over get an Island-Themed Tigers Floppy Hat. It looks like the drawing above. I perish of jealousy. LOOK AT THAT THING. I want it in my life. I don’t even really wear floral prints but I would make an exception for this hat. Gaze upon its splendor. I wish I could do so in person. I wish I could gaze upon its splendor as it rested in my own little hands, but I am not going to be in Detroit this Friday.

In fact I’m going to be in Pittsburgh, which is not even the right league. ALAS. I will have to stare longingly at you from afar, Island-Themed Tigers Floppy Hat. It is a modern-day tragedy.

–Phil Coke shaved down his sideburns. They look normal again, not all triangular or whatever it is he was doing with them before. I wonder if they got too hard to maintain? I hope this is just a prelude to some facial hair insanity or something.

–Mark Kotsay was a double away from the cycle. Ugh. Get away from us, Mark Kotsay.

–Today’s Detroit home runs courtesy of Ryan Raburn and Don Kelly. Today’s Detroit stolen base courtesy of Gerald Laird. Bizarro day at the ballpark?

–Seven innings, two runs. Eight hits, two walks, seven Ks. Nothing to show for it in the game record column. Who does it suck to be? It sucks to be Max Scherzer.

–The last time the Tigers and Wrong Sox traded directly with each other was 1989 (according to FSN today). Obviously I approve. We don’t want to be getting our paws dirty, dealing with those foul creatures.

–Papa Grande did not look particularly good today, but he is getting over ‘flu-like symptoms’, so even though this was his first outing since the 60-pitch debacle in Boston, I’m not TOO worried. Or so I will keep telling myself.

Things Rod Allen Said Today

“If the Tigers didn’t have bad luck, they wouldn’t have no luck at all.”

“Is the paint dry yet on this pitch? ‘Cause he painted the outside corner.” (about a Bobby Jenks fastball)

One Very Awkward Thing Rod Allen Said Today

“He about undressed slender Alexei Ramirez!”

I mean, I understand that ‘undressed’ is sort of baseball slang for when a hard-hit ball comes up on a guy and makes him flail, but throwing the ‘slender’ in there really takes it over the top and into a whole new level of awkward.

–Photos from the first Tigers/Red Sox game are on the internet, and can be found right here, if you happen to be interested in that sort of thing. There will probably be a big post of the most interesting ones from the 3 games when I get them all online, which at this rate should be sometime in October.

–As I said, I will be Pittsburgh Friday and this weekend, so there will be no posts. Play nice, and hopefully the Tigers will play nice too. Those of you who are getting hats should enjoy them, you lucky little marmosets.


16 responses to “The Wrong Sox have reduced me to a series of disconnected thoughts.

  1. we must have mustachioed lee photos!

  2. ivantopumpyouup

    Ah, darn, I would’ve grabbed a hat for you if they were doing it when we’re going to the game. Alas.

    I hope Phil Coke shaving down the sideburns is a precursor to some magnificent facial hair sculpting on his part.

    Also, I’m looking through your pics right now– Whoa, Robbie Weinhardt, I am jealous of your eyelashes.

  3. Without other information, if the last DET/CHW trade was in 1989, it is entirely possible that it was when the Tigers traded for…wait for it…current White Sox GM Kenny Williams. (3/23/89)

    Mind blown.

  4. Was I the only one out there thinking, “Hey, down 2-1, and Valverde well-rested due to the flu-like symptoms, they should call on the Big Potato right here to make a statement that we REALLY WANT TO WIN THIS GAME.” Of course, Leyland puts in Robbie Weinhardt instead, and Kotsay (who was, at this point, 3 hits short of the cycle) goes yard. This then makes Ryan Raburn’s “even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and again” 9th inning jack a game-tier, as opposed to a walk-off. I’m done with this team. If Leyland doesn’t care, well, then, neither do I. (As if adding insult to injury, Santiago had pinch-hit for Laird right before the Raburn HR, but who got sent out to play 2nd base? Raburn. Are. You. Freaking. Kidding.)

    Is anybody aware of any odds listed of Gerald Laird being on *anybody’s* opening day roster in 2011? Cause they’ve got to be long. Damned long.

    This whole series has just pissed me off. Mark Kotsay, for reals.

    • D’OH! Should’ve made clearer that I was talking about putting in Valverde for the top of the 9th, despite the 2-1 deficit.

  5. Going to Pittsburgh for the Walkoff Walk #HEIST?


  6. Would you like me to see if I can get one of those hats for you?

  7. Another awkward comment Rod says ALL THE TIME: Lift & separate. I never catch the prelude to this phrase. The pitch? I dunno. All I know is he has said this countless times. Yes, countless. Lift and separate. I’ve been a baseball fan for 31 years and i’ve never heard lift and separate a term in baseball. Will someone explain? Will SOMEONE explain to Rod what this term really refers to?!

    • If he knew what it meant, would he still say it?! I really am dying to know. If anyone ever gets the chance to ask him, please do so and report back. (While you’re at it, ask him about “get the married men off the infield” too.)

      • “the married men”– presumably, those hoping to start families, a process that could be endangered by hot grounders to the gonads.
        Still no insight on “lift & separate,” but I imagine it has to do with the mechanics of bat-swinging.

        • Yes, but couldn’t the unmarried ones be presumed to be even slightly MORE likely than the married ones (who might already have a kid or two) to have their procreation in their future?

          • I think the idea is that the single men, in general (and maybe especially pro athletes), wouldn’t WANT to be making babies… :P

            • We’re talking language here, not necessarily human nature, common sense, or logic. Unlike most Rod-isms, this one’s been around for awhile, dating from a time that liked to consider itself more innocent. At least in “polite conversation,” young fellows weren’t supposed to think about such things, until they’d found Miss Right & jumped the broom. Procreation for them was a hypothetical future possibility, but for the married it was an immanent duty. Thus the greater value accorded the ‘family jewels’ of those already licensed to breed.
              It was BS even then, of course. Hormonal urges haven’t changed, only what’s acceptable to talk about. Obscure sideways references to sex like this were once considered risque. Now they’re just weird.

  8. Those hats are rally-killing jinxes. Ten-thousand of them- ten thousand- and the Tigers strike out twice in the ninth.

    Ten thousand hats and Cabrera grounds out with the a runner on base in the bottom of the eighth.

    It had to be the hats, right? Because it would really be awful if it was just that the Tigers were reduced to using their sixth or seventh best outfielder with very little MLB experience in key pinch hitting situations.

  9. Rod is a force of nature, his -isms defy rational explanation.

    I’ve only heard “lift & separate” in old ads for Playtex bras –which gives it a whole ‘nother level of awkwardness.

    But the one that gets me somehow is “As we have well-documented…” In context, it usually just means “said” –a highfalutin’ way of acknowledging that you’re repeating yourself. Baseball ain’t rocket surgery. “Like I said” will do just fine. We don’t need no stinkin’ documents.

    But he’s still our lovable Rod, comprehensible or not.

  10. One of the “parrothead” hats is on E-bay right now. Bid is $8.99. Auction ends in 5 hours.

    Maybe more will turn up.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s