all illustrations by Samara Pearlstein
Most importantly, CONGRATULATIONS TO BRANDON INGE ON THE OCCASION OF HIS 1,000th MAJOR LEAGUE HIT!! Let us note that all 1,000 of these hits were of direct benefit to the Tigers, because Brandon Inge The Wonderful has been a Tiger the entire time.
Do you know how special that is? DO YOU YOU KNOW HOW IT WARMS MY COLD BLOGGER HEART?
Relatedly, last night I had a nightmare that the Wrong Sox had claimed Brandon Inge off of waivers (this is an actual nightmare that I had). It was so realistic that I woke up like this:
and had to turn on my computer and check the internet to make sure it was really just a dream, and not something that had happened in real life. Because how terrible would that be, right? It was not a good dream and my unconscious needs to not repeat it any time soon. I understand that this probably says some worrying things about my state of mind at the moment, but I’m sharing with you lot anyways.
Late in the Wednesday night game, Rod Allen was talking about Will Rhymes, and called him MIGHTY MOUSE. What immediately sprang to mind:
Rod actually said that Will Rhymes WAS Mighty Mouse, but this was my first thought. Just imagine the adventures they would have together! I know Mighty Mouse usually fought AGAINST cats, not with them, but I feel certain that he would make an exception for Will Rhymes. I don’t know if Rod came up with this one by himself but it is wonderful in any event.
Another thing that Rod said: “Ryan Raburn is ON FIRE!”
Which he is. Rhino was 2-for-4 with a home run in this game, and he is now batting .311/.363/.595 for the month of August. To give you a point of comparison, Miguel Cabrera is batting .284/.478/.552 in the same month (sidenote: gaze upon that .478 OBP in wonder, and behold the result of all those intentional and semi-intentional walks).
Now, obviously Rhino is Rhino and Miggy is Miggy, but for this one month, Raburn is really surfin’ the heck outta those flames.
Oh, and I guess FredFred had a good game today too. I should probably throw some love at the poor beleaguered pitching staff while I’m doin’ this Terrible Cartoon thing.
PS: With this win the Tigers have achieved the ~*~magical .500~*~ record. Sarcastic hooray!
PPS: Traitor Damon is staying. The fact that I still call him ‘Traitor Damon’ should really tell you all you need to know about why he did not want to go back to Boston.