how many pitchers would Minnesota pitch if Minnesota could pitch pitchers


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Praise be to Paws! A win against the Twinkies! Of course it took 13 innings and a combined 15 pitchers to get it done, but I’m not complaining. About that, at least.

–Up top is your inevitable Casper Wells Terrible Cartoon, in honor of his first ever big league home run. There were a lot of home runs in this one, and many of them were from unusual HR hitters: Don Kelly, Jhonny, Rhino, and G-Money, in addition to The Only Casper. Austin Jackson hit a ball that bounced off the top of the wall and MIGHT have been a home run, but was called a triple. But the Casper Wells home run was the most special, because it was THE FIRST of his career, so he gets the cartoon.

–Miguel Cabrera left the game with “left biceps tendonitis”, basically meaning his left arm is sore, maybe a little inflamed, and nobody could immediately determine the reason why. We shall see if anything comes of this (he’s day-to-day at the moment), but my initial reaction is of course

IRRATIONAL SHRIEKING PANIC zomg we’re all going to diiiieeeeeeee NOT MIGUEL, NOOOOOOoooOOOOOO!!!11!

I mean, it’s Miguel Cabrera, you know?

–I believe this was the first time Jhonny Peralta had ever played at first base. Not his first time as a Tiger; the first time ever, in his career. Since he hit the Majors he has always played third base or shortstop, with occasional appearances as a DH. But now all that has changed! His horizons are ~expanded~.

–Ryan Raburn is a Bench Hero. He came into the game in the 8th inning, yet somehow finished the night 3-for-4 with 2 RBI, which is a more-than-respectable night for someone who STARTED the game. One of those hits was a home run. It’s like magic.

–A nice night for Don Kelly. He had a rare Don Kelly home run, and he made a SPECTACULAR diving catch, managing to get the ball in his glove mere inches above the grass. We see you, Don Kelly.

–There were about a million double plays in this game that should have been turned, and were not, due to errors and near-errors and general baffling incompetence. At least these were evenly distributed: the Tigers and Twinkies each had two errors.

–I cannot believe Gerald Laird hit a game-winning home run. After he did, the FSN mics were picking up someone saying, “G-MONEEEEYYYYYY,” which was cracking up Rod and Mario something fierce. I don’t know if it was someone in the crowd or someone in the dugout, but aces either way.

–It got to the point where I totally forgot that Justin Verlander started this game (104 pitches through 6 innings). Papa Grande closed it out after making things far too interesting (nothing quite like the blown save + win to get the ol’ paranoid fan blood pumpin’). Between them were: Eddie Bonine, Alfredo Figaro, Phil Coke, Robbie Weinhardt, and Brad Thomas. I guess it’s good that tomorrow is a night game.

–But the Tigers still ended up in better shape than the Twinkies, who had to use TWO starting pitchers to finish up the game. Their starter, Scott Baker, had to come out after two innings with some soreness or other. They got 8 innings from their bullpen, but I guess they were tapped out after that, because they had to bring in Brian Duensing to start the 11th. This was a Thursday game, and he had just pitched the Tuesday game.

Starting the 13th they called in Nick Blackburn.

Now, the Tigers don’t get the immediate benefit of this, because they don’t play the Twinks again for a bit, but I like to think it will screw up their rotation so badly that when they do come back, they’ll have TC Bear out there pitching because the rotation is all in a shambles. This is my great Twinkie hope for the future.

9 responses to “how many pitchers would Minnesota pitch if Minnesota could pitch pitchers

  1. Hurray for Ghost Boy! Hurray for Rhino! Hurray for all homerun hitters and RBI-ers! Hurray for winning!

  2. I was waiting for Casper Wells to show up in ghost form.

  3. I hope the Tigs spoiled the crap out of their stupid Twinkie faces.

  4. Pingback: Casper Wells called up - MotownSports.com Message Board

  5. The Ghost!!!

  6. I hate the White Sox more than the Twins, so I’m in the weird position of sort of pulling for the Twins in that fight. However, if the Twins look back on 2010 and point to a Tiger game as when it all went downhill, this would not be a terrible thing.

  7. I could not get excited about last night’s win (although I did stay up for it), because I have hardened my heart to spare it, but I did take some pride in the Twinks using up three starting pitchers in one game!

  8. I don’t remember Casper looking so minty…

  9. My first reaction to this terrible cartoon:
    “Wait, why does he look like a ghost?”

    Yeah. I am that slow.

    Congrats to Casper and the rest of the Tigers. Now, could we possibly win a game in 9 innings? If you’re going to pull this 13 innings crap, the least you could do is do it the first game of a series, so we could take advantage of the Twins messing up their pitching staff.

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