Gerald Laird is still crispy, and other such things.


image by Samara Pearlstein, sadly

–Every single time Rod Allen says, “Gerald Laird’s back is still crispy,” as he did today, the above is what happens in my mind. I can’t help it. I know that what Rod really means is something along the lines of ‘Gerald Laird has some persistent soreness and general pain in the muscles of his back,’ but he SAYS ‘Laird is crispy’, and I just can’t run that through my brain without turning Gerald Laird into some sort of fried food item first. Tell me you thought the same. Come on. SOME of you did.

–Thank cats for the last two games, even though one was a loss. I was starting to worry that the Tigers had forgotten how to finish a baseball game in 9 innings.

–Ryan Raburn was not in the lineup Sunday, apparently because he is sick. But if he was sick, why was he sitting in the dugout during the game, all getting his germy hands on everyone else, all breathing his sickly breath on people, getting his pestilential saliva all over the place, hmm? It’s bad enough that ballplayers never use a tissue when a shirtsleeve or bare hand will do, but this seems to be courting team-plague disaster. You wonder how a simple illness seems to rip through every other guy in a clubhouse? THIS IS HOW.

–They had Brad Thomas warming up very very early, before Armando Galarraga was even in a panickingly huge amount of trouble. I assume they would not have had him starting if he had pain in his arm, but why have Thomas up so early? Maybe Armando was feeling ill too and they had to be ready to send someone in if he started projectile vomiting or whatever.

–Mario was making a real effort, but Rod refused to even try to pronounce ‘Ka’aihue’.

–Miguel Cabrera is back and, yes, he went 0-for-4 tonight, but phew. PHEW. It’s just good to see him out there, hopefully not reinjuring himself.

–Max St. Pierre got his first big league hit! For justice! For perseverance! For CANADA!

–The Monday game (a day game, remember) will be Wrong Sox Edwin Jackson vs. Max Scherzer. I really hope St. Pierre is catching. It could be Maxwell throwing to Maxim, and that would be aces.

10 responses to “Gerald Laird is still crispy, and other such things.

  1. should not look at that picture before sleeping. Will have crispy Laird nightmares.

  2. All in all, it is better than a creamy Laird.

  3. My first reaction to seeing that picture was hunger.

    Now I’m worried about myself.

  4. Maxwell and Maxim = getting the maximum out of your battery

    *is shot and killed by the peanut gallery*

  5. YES Max and Max would be a great battery! This better happen.

  6. Alas, no SuperMax battery today. It would’ve been our sweetest since the day in glorious ’84, when Glen threw to Marty: Abbott & Castillo.

  7. And if it makes you feel better, Raburn had food poisoning, not some deathly disease.

    • He shouldn’t have eaten the Crispy Laird…

    • Also I thought ‘food poisoning’ was the euphemism they usually used when someone was too hungover to function. Although I guess it’s possible they sometimes do really get food poisoning.

  8. This picture makes me feel funny. Like, gross, but it’s also kind of alluring. And hilarious. So many feelings, I don’t know what to do with myself.

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