illustration by Samara Pearlstein
You guys, Tigers are ORANGE. Pumpkins are ORANGE. (Mostly. There are actually two white pumpkins on my front porch at this very moment, in addition to the traditional orange pumpkin. But white is ALSO a Tiger color so it still works.) This means that your Halloween pumpkins should be FILLED WITH TIGER GOODNESS, because Nature has decreed it. Who are we to work against the wishes of the natural world? Think about that.
The Mothership is actually running a Tigers pumpkin carving contest this year. The entries will be judged on a combination of Tigers Spirit (51%) and Originality (49%), and the prize is A BRANDON INGE SIGNED BASEBALL BAT.
My face when I first saw this contest was all
But then I read more closely and realized that the contest is only open to residents of Michigan, Ohio, and Indiana. So there will be NO BRANDON INGE BATS for me. But if you are in one of those states, you should most definitely carve up your pumpkin in a combination of Tigers Spirit and Originality, because it will be awesome, it is what Nature wants, and you might get your hot little hands on a bat that Brandon Inge has blessed with his own personal scrawl. There is no way to lose in this situation.
Unless you injure yourself carving the pumpkin, I guess. MESSAGE TO JOEL ZUMAYA: DO NOT CARVE PUMPKIN. Repeat: do not carve pumpkin. Have someone else do it for you. Do not pick up those pointy implements if you are Joel Zumaya. OK. Thank you.