Once again the Tigers acknowledge the splendor of Brandon Inge.


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

PRAISE BE TO PAWS! The Tigers have signed Brandon Inge to a new deal!

He was going to be a free agent this winter, and I was all set to be an anxious mess about this, as is my way. But the Tigers understand. They know the full worth of Brandon Inge is not measured in batting average or on base percentage. Or home run totals. Or even specious error totals that seem unnaturally elevated as a result of his incredible range and his complete inability to see a ball heading in his general direction without hurling his body at it.

No, the true worth of Brandon Inge is measured in OVERALL DEFENSE and GRITTY McHEARTFACE and ENTRENCHMENT IN MICHIGAN and also RIDICULOUS FACIAL HAIR. Or, as Dave Dombrowski puts it:

“I think with Brandon, you have to know what you have in a player,” team president and general manager Dombrowski said at season’s end. “First of all, he’s an outstanding defensive third baseman. We all know he’s a gamer. He gives you everything he can. He represents what you want on the field. He never leaves an ounce of anything behind that’s out there.

“He gives you some offense. I don’t think you write down Brandon Inge as coming out and hitting 25 home runs and knocking in 100 runs all of a sudden. I think you have to look at the numbers he’s put up and figure that’s probably the type of hitter you have. If he gives you more, that’s great.”
Jason Beck/DetroitTigers.com

Basically what I said, except I hate and never use the word ‘gamer’, and Mr. Dombrowski did not see fit to mention the facial hair (possibly he thinks it’s so well-known that he doesn’t even have to bring it up).

This is a two-year deal with an option for a third year, at which point Inge will be 36 years old. Obviously something like a 5-year deal was not going to happen, and Inge was not going to be content with a one-year deal. This is a compromise that makes everyone happy except for the grumpy fans who don’t like Brandon Inge and also hate FUN and KITTENS and SECURITY AT THIRD BASE.

The financial terms have not been made public yet, although I’m sure the amount will be high enough to make the majority of fans scream shrilly. There had been talk that Inge was not going to settle for a two-year deal, so even with the option I have to believe that they’re paying him enough to make that relatively short contract seem more palatable. Oh well. The Tigers should have some money freed up from other contracts ending this year anyways, and if they wanted to sign a different third baseman (like, say, Adrian Beltre) they probably would have ended up sinking more money into that than they did into Brandon Inge anyways. Awkward sentence. Just like Brandon Inge.

What this all boils down to is really just the fact that

and it doesn’t matter, because Brandon Inge is One with the Tigers for at least two more seasons. Barring a trade. Paws forbid. In any event I am sitting here in front of my computer, rubbing my hands together and cackling gleefully, so this is a good day, yes indeed.

15 responses to “Once again the Tigers acknowledge the splendor of Brandon Inge.

  1. favoritest post ever, obvs.

  2. Did you watch his press conference video? He was in a suit and tie..adorable. Yay for Brandon!

  3. Mazel tov!

  4. I thought I heard a big cheer and heard about a happy dance from Boston when I heard about your #1 Tiger, Mr. Inge getting Re-signed

  5. holla b.inge!!! praise to paws.

  6. You can’t spell “re-signed” without Inge!
    Sorry JV and Miggy, looks like it’s 2 more years of coming in #2 for Player of the Game.

  7. Here’s a picture from the Free Press of your #1 Tiger Mr. Inge talking with the media after his press conference (he looks rather dapper in that suit and tie) http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/gallery?Site=C4&Date=20101021&Category=SPORTS02&ArtNo=10210801&Ref=PH&Profile=1050&Params=Itemnr=7

  8. Sam: There’s no cackling in baseball. Unless, of course, you’re a Mud Hen.

  9. Just one problem with the photos from that press conference: A DECIDED LACK OF FACIAL HAIR! Maybe he’s just gone clean for the off-season in order to come up with something so dastardly and hilarious that it will all take us by surprise in just 3.5 short months, causing us all to OMGROTFLOLPMP.

  10. Love, Love, Love.

    Did not love the headline on the Free Press when I woke up this morning, though. It says “Like it or not, Inge will stick around.” What’s up with that, Free Press? Where is the love for the glorious b.inge?

  11. May the soothing consistency of the now-assured continued Brandon Inge presence help us to smile serenely through whatever roster upheaval the offseason has in store.

  12. Haha, my mom and I were talking about this – one of the first things she grumbled about was the people who complain “but he can’t hit” and she told me “don’t they understand that if the REST OF THE LINEUP could do MUCH OF ANYTHING with their bats, his NOT HITTING MUCH wouldn’t even be an ISSUE?”

    No mom, I guess they don’t get it. We are both happy to have Inge back at third with all his dorkiness and his defensive ability and all his flying into the stands like a maniac. :D

  13. So much happiness. I can smile serenely through the rest of the offseason. FINALLY I felt secure enough to buy Brandon Inge shirts for me and my dad. Brandon is the MAN.

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