photo by Samara Pearlstein
Neftali Feliz is the Rookie of the Year in the American League. In other words, someone who is NOT Austin Jackson is the Rookie of the Year. I know! It’s a wrongness.
I don’t even really want to argue numbers here, although I’m sure you’ll be able to find plenty of that elsewhere on the Internet, as irate Tigers fans fire up their statistically-minded neurons or whatever. Both Feliz and Jackson had very, very good seasons; nobody is going to deny that. And both are rookies. That is 100% of fact.
But Feliz is a closer. A CLOSERRRRRRRRRR. He played in 70 games. Jackson played in 151 games and had 675 plate appearances. Feliz was on the mound for 69.1 innings. Jackson was in the field for 1256.1 innings. LAWD PAWS I CAN’T EVEN. If you have to choose between two very good players, both of whom had very good seasons, wouldn’t you pick the one who had septendecillion more chances to do things for his team? WOULDN’T YOU?
Oh well I guess the Rangers ended up in the playoffs so that makes Feliz’s 70 freaking appearances carry that much more weight. I VOMIT ON HIS 70 APPEARANCES. I SPEW HAIRBALLS UPON HIS 7 PLAYOFF APPEARANCES. Also Feliz pitched in like 20 games in 2009, while Austin Jackson had never played in a big league game before this season. I know that Feliz was technically still a rookie, but AUSTIN JACKSON WAS ROOKIE-ER.
Austin Jackson may not have saved a kitten in the clubhouse– YET, THAT WE KNOW ABOUT– but I think we will all agree that he WOULD save a kitten if there was one nearby that needed saving. As for Neftali Feliz, sure, he has the benefit of being named ‘Neftali’, which is admittedly pretty great, but he would spit upon the distressed kitten and hoist his undeserved Rookie of the Year trophy and walk away while laughing like an evil supervillain. That’s the sort of thing you need to take into consideration.
We all pretty much know that Miggy is going to get screwed out of the MVP award because blah blah blah playoffs blargh blather blather, so I think we were all REALLY HOPING that Austin Jackson would get recognition for being such an amazing child prodigy, but NO. Thanks for NOTHING, people-who-voted-on-this-award. You’re all jerks. May a kitten expectorate in your shoes.