happy birthday, Mr. Cabrera

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

April 18 is Miguel Cabrera’s birthday! He’s turning 28. This is his 9th season in the majors and his 12th season a pro. I don’t know why that’s relevant but I kind of feel like it is, so I’m mentioning it.

It’s a little unfortunate that his birthday has to fall in the middle of a road trip. Maybe Ryan Raburn put off his party and he can have a joint party with Miggy. Team bonding! Building group dynamics! All for one and one for all! Hopefully it will be a nice birthday celebration, you know, more about cake and ice cream and ice cream cake and less about going out to the bar to party. BUT LET’S NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT THAT.

So many bad things have been happening so far this season– we’re back under .500 again, whee– but Miguel Cabrera has been a plus. The Tigers have played 16 games and he already has 5 home runs. He’s batting over .300 and OPSing over 1.000. He is walking a ton because opposing pitchers are absolutely terrified of him.

There’s a nice birthday present right there: the sweet, delicious fear of opposing pitchers. An ambrosia unmatched in all the fine desserts of the world. Eat and drink deeply of that, Mr. Cabrera. It’s your special day.


3 responses to “happy birthday, Mr. Cabrera

  1. Come on Tigs, win one for the Big Guy’s birthday! (The fact that you don’t care enough about Ryan Raburn to win one for his birthday has not escaped me. But, then again, he didn’t do much to help himself out either.)

  2. I think Miguel Cabrera makes a bit more of a contribution to the team than the Rhino… maybe the Tigers will behave accordingly.

  3. Hooray for Miguel Cabrera and a Tigers win! I hope he had as spectacular a birthday playing baseball as I did watching it. :)

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