illustrations by Samara Pearlstein
Happy Easter, Easter-celebratin’ cats! FredFred is getting the magic tigerbird egg because he’s the youngest. Jim Leyland is the Easter bunny because, um…. because.
I guess there was a game on Saturday? Pretty exciting, huh? Brad Penny almost throwing a no-hitter, eh? Controversial calls hinging on the range of Brandon Inge… error vs. hit debate… loads and loads of Tigers offense… an Alex Avila triple… fun times with our old friend Edwin Jackson… sure sounds like a heck of a ballgame.
Of course I couldn’t watch any of it, because FOX doesn’t believe in showing a Wrong Sox/Tigers game here in the East. It’s ok, I understand. After all, this is Massachusetts, so the Red Sox have to take precedence. You can’t really argue with that, it’s something you must accept if you live in this region.
Wait, what’s that you say? The Sox are on the west coast, so they actually had a 9:00 pm game and shouldn’t interfere with a 4:00 pm Tigers start at all? Well… I’m sure they have a good reason for blacking out the Tigers. They’re probably showing someone else in the AL East; they know people around here pay close attention to the rest of the division, so it’s only fair that they televise those games over games from other divisions, and everyone else in the East is playing each other today. Must be the Yankees/Orioles game, or the Rays/Jays…
No? It’s not? Then what…?
Oh, it’s a freakin’ Braves/Giants game. Right. Because it’s TOTALLY IMPORTANT for me to see a bloody National League game, so incredibly important that I must be blacked the heck out of some amazing and exciting Tigers baseball. Yeah. Yeah. I’M NOT BITTER AT ALL.
Anyways. Happy Easter if you’re celebrating, happy continuing Passover if you’re of the matzah-consumin’ group, happy Max Scherzer Start Day to the rest of you!