Granderson back in town and the Pawsfather

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Ugh, this stupid game.

–So Curtis Granderson came back to Comerica. Maybe I missed it, but I don’t think I heard his name announced over the PA system for his first at-bat… as a result, there was almost no reaction from the crowd. Perhaps some light cheering, but no ovation, no booing, no loud acknowledgment either way. I was kind of disappointed, as I’d been hoping he would get a big Detroit cheer. I would’ve cheered him.

Grandy went 0-for-3 with two walks in his return. He scored a run. He also overslid the bag and was therefore caught stealing in the 9th inning. Very weird, unGrandyish game, really.

–Verlander threw an insane number of pitches. His outing, so far this season, was second only to a 130 pitch game thrown by Roy Halladay earlier in the year. You think, oh, well, ok, if we’re talking about Verlander and Halladay in the same breath, it has to be a positive thing. YOUR THOUGHTS ARE WRONG. The difference is that 130 pitches carried Halladay through 8.2 innings, while 127 got Verlander through 6.

Now, I’m not saying Justin has to be Roy Halladay every time he goes out there. But if we’re going to be talking about 125+ pitches as a good thing… Roy Halladay or bust, ok? Verlander is already throwing more pitches than anybody else in MLB; if that’s the way it’s gonna be, I at least want that stupid profusion of pitches to be used EFFICIENTLY, and not just wasted in walks to freakin’ Jorge Posada.

–Alex Avila was a bright spot. He threw out two baserunners (Granderson and Jeter) and hit two home runs all by his own self. Both homers went to almost the exact same spot in the bullpen, and both were big enough to be beyond all doubt. (He also had an ugly passed ball that resulted in a run, and may have been partially [but definitely not wholly] Jose Valverde’s fault, but let’s ignore that for the moment.)

You hit two home runs in one game, you get a cartoon.

–Miguel Cabrera was 3-for-4 with an RBI. None of those hits went for extra bases, but I am still starting to worry that the more he does this, and the more the rest of the lineup proves its futility (despite temporary exceptions like Avila’s power surge, or the random fact that Ramon Santiago has Bartolo Colon’s number), he’s never going to see another pitch again.

–Speaking of, I am pretty sure that Ramon Santiago has compromising photos of Bartolo Colon, a large ruminant mammal, and a tub of peanut butter. He is 11-for-20 against Colon. That’s a .550 batting average. There is no other explanation.

–Will Rhymes has been sent down to Toledo. Scott Sizemore has been called up. Sizemore had been hitting over .400 for the Mud Hens, with extra base hits galore. Triple A is not the big leagues etc etc, but since poor Will was hitting .221 with an OPS of .556, the hope is that even a Sizemore being cut back down to size will manage more production than that.

–Thursday is Paws’ Sweet 16 Birthday Party at the ballpark. As part of the celebration, a bunch of his ‘mascot friends’ will be in the house, including his father. Yeah. PAWS HAS A FATHER.

No word on the big cat’s name, or where his mother may be, but the following photo is courtesy of the Tigers and will help prepare you for the glory:

Look at his dad-stache! His straw hat! The slightly disturbing fact that he gets shorts while Paws still has to go pantsless! HIS DAD-STACHE!

If there is no Paws mom, I vote we hook Mr. Dad Paws up with Phoebe Phanatic, the Philly Phanatic’s mother. She shows up fairly often, but there appears to be no Phanatic Phather, so this seems like it could be a match made in mascot heaven.

8 responses to “Granderson back in town and the Pawsfather

  1. omg the phanatic has a mother? PAWS has a father? I thought he was more of a virgin birth miracle.

    meanwhile, avila is busy being adorably scruffy and hitting baseballs!!! imagine that!

    • And the weird thing is, tigers are usually raised by their mothers, while the fathers are out of the picture. But as I said to someone else, Paws wears a shirt, so it’s possible his upbringing was backwards in a number of ways.

      The Phanatic’s mother has been around for a while! She shows up in that pink tweed skirtsuit for all kinds of events.

  2. I love this site so much. SO MUCH.

  3. My heart still hurts a little every time I see Grandy in a Yankees uniform. (I was going to say “in pinstripes”, but, of course, there aren’t any of those on their road uniforms.) However, I can’t say I wasn’t glad he didn’t have a game like Opening Day against us.

    As it was, I’m not sure the Yankees beat us… I think we beat ourselves… And have been beating ourselves for most of the week. (Has it been a week since we’ve won a game. Holy cats.)

  4. I feel kind of bad pining after Grandy like I do, because it seems mean to Jackson… and I do like Jackson, when he’s not striking out… but Grandy… GRANDY. :/

    Yearning Paws represents this well.

  5. What I really hate is how they are turning Grandy into such a Yankee…his new stance, walking around home plate between pitches…he’s getting an undeniable, dreadful air of yankiness about him! Has that organization no shame that they would corrupt our beloved Curtis?

  6. Oh my, I never saw Paws’ father until this picture was posted here… Mr. Paws’ Father should tell his son to buy a pair of pants (fatherly advice!)

  7. I was at the game today, and saw Mr. Paws’ Father in person (check it out on my flickr page)

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