Welcome, Andy Dirks! We promise we support great pitching outings sometimes. Just not today.


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Andy Dirks, up to take the place of Magglio Ordonez, made his big league debut on Monday. Cause for celebration? He went 1-for-2 with a walk, and all of his limbs appear to be in good working order, which makes him a marked improvement over the brittle husk of Magglio’s Surgically Repaired Body already. Mild yay.

His parents and girlfriend were in the stands to watch him do Olde English D things, a fact that FSD enjoyed. They made sure to show the parental reaction after Dirks’ first hit (a single), and they sent their new in-game interview-random-fan-in-the-stands reporter up to ask them some questions, including my favorite: “Did you think he’d ever make it here to Detroit?”

Really. What are they going to say to this? “Nah, y’know, we kinda thought he’d top out at double-A, everything since then has just been a bonus.” You’re talking to his mom, lady, even if nobody else ever thought he was going to make the big leagues, she did, and even if she DIDN’T, she’s certainly not going to SAY so. I mean, basically everything that gets asked in these little ‘yay look here is a fan let us speak to him or her’ chats is a stupid question, but that one in particular stood out as a question with really only one answer.

He did get picked off at first base, and didn’t look too good doing it, but it could have been much worse. They could have been Miguel Cabrera’s parents, in the ballpark watching what HE did in this one. What did Cabrera do? Let us not speak of it, except to say that it was something that sounds a whole lot like ‘terror’, and he did it twice.

As for the rest of the game… poor Max Scherzer. He gave up ONE run in seven innings, and that run wasn’t even earned. He walked ONE Blue Jay, and he didn’t allow ANY extra base hits. He made several plays off the mound, coming in on dribblers/bunts/whatevers and fielding them correctly despite the fact that his natural throw to first is a soft and horrifying rainbow. What did he get for his efforts? Nothing. NOTHING.

I suppose it’s nice that he didn’t get the loss (that honor went to Joaquin Benoit), but it is infuriating because he should have had a win. He DESERVED a win. He pitched a win-worthy game! But the bats could not make it happen and Benoit made the Toronto bats happen, and pfeh. I spit upon the cruel treatment of Max Scherzer in this game.

8 responses to “Welcome, Andy Dirks! We promise we support great pitching outings sometimes. Just not today.

  1. At least Jhonny remembered that our multi-base-hit streak was on the line and hit that home run in the 9th.

    I think we got spoiled by the 7-game win streak. But, you’re right, we should have won that won. We could have! And we didn’t :(

    And we had to listen to inane “in the seats” reporting. (Why? FSD, why???) Is this almost as lame an idea as “April in the ‘D'” and the new “baseball bimbo” promos. (They do realize that people other than 14-year-old boys are watching, right?)

  2. Thank you, heitk1le, for mentioning the “baseball bimbo” promos…. So annoying and phony. And while I am complaining today, I have to say that when I see Brandon in the on deck circle or at the plate, I am cringing at the lack of confidence that I have in him…Why doesn’t JL sit him down? Give Don Kelly a week at 3rd base. (Still love my Tigers)

  3. I like to think of them aas the Fox Sports Detroit wenches..Scherzer has been great

  4. The moment Benoit came into the game, I had a gut feeling we weren’t going to win. I hope it wasn’t a jinx on my part.

  5. That was one of the best pitching performances yet from Scherzer, but I guess the streak had to end sometime. Our rotation is looking scary good. Our bullpen, not so much.
    And don’t even get me started on the aforementioned “baseball bimbos”…

  6. Don’t worry Muddy!! Paws will take good care of him for You!

  7. Pingback: Wednesday Links – Harmon Killebrew Passes Away, Steve Yzerman Has Turned the Lightning Around, Charles Barkley Doesn’t Like the Miami Heat, Pistons Get #8 Pick, & SEAL Team 6 Paintball | Detroit 4 Lyfe

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