illustration by Samara Pearlstein
Sometimes you see a baseball game that’s just stupid, and nobody deserves to win. There’s no way the Tigers should win a game where Max Scherzer lasts only 5 innings and gives up 5 runs, and then Charlie Furbush has to come in for long relief and he gives up 2 runs, and then the back end of the bullpen is so frustrating that Jim Leyland has to bring in Joaquin Benoit to get an out even though Benoit was supposed to have a firm night off. I don’t know what that is, but it’s not a game that the Tigers win.
Except they did, because HITS HITS BATS HITS CATS WIELDING BATS HOLY CATS HITSSSSSSSS, and Colby Lewis was crying on the inside. You know who got a hit today? EVERYONE. In fact there were only two Tigers hitters who didn’t get extra base hits: Don Kelly and Ryan Raburn. Don Kelly is Don Kelly, and Raburn probably used his entire week’s extra base hit allotment yesterday. Everybody else just went crazy out there.
Especially Brennan Boesch. Clearly the Texas-hot air and the nature of the ballpark lent themselves to home runs– there were 6 total in the game, some of them absolutely crushed– but it still bears mentioning, because Brennan hit TWO home runs all by himself, and a double just for the heck of it. He was responsible for 5 RBIs, which is often more than the entire Detroit offense can manage. Skow.
Other notes from this one:
–Max eats a huge roast beef sandwich before every start. He also hates bananas, but will eat one before deadly hot Texas starts, because he knows he needs his potassium.
–Austin Jackson has been using Victor Martinez’s bats lately.
–Glorious moment captured by the FSD cameras tonight. Leyland was leaning on the dugout rail next to Lloyd McClendon. He took a big wad of bubble gum out of his mouth and stuck it on the rail right where Legendary Lloyd was sure to put his elbow in it. He then kept glancing over and grinning to himself, quickly suppressing it each time so McClendon wouldn’t notice. This went on for a while, with the cameras cutting between game action and the shot of the coaches, Rod and Mario beside themselves with glee.
Eventually McClendon did notice and took the gum off. He gave Leyland a look like, “Dude, seriously?” Leyland responded to this with hearty laughter while McClendon shook his head in what we might safely assume was fond disgust.
During the regular season we all get used to Stoic One Word Answer Jim Leyland, and we’re familiar with Angry Sweary Jim Leyland, but Simple Prankster Jim Leyland is something else. A welcome something else, I might add.
–Rod and Mario mentioned Alex Avila’s superpower! They noted that he has the ability to appear clean-shaven one night, goatee’d the next, and full bearded a day after that. I KNOW GUYS ISN’T IT GREAT?
–Craig Monroe (!) was in the ballpark and stopped by the booth to say hi. Rod said that he had “saved his nickels” and in his baseball-retirement had opened a restaurant and bar. Sure enough, The Internet found it for me: the Twenty7 Sports Bar and Grill. Note the photo of Mr. Monroe posing with his own 2006 Detroit Tigers jersey on the homepage.
–Fabulous MLB article headline for this game.
Roar of the Tigers 
CRAIG MONROE. IN THE TIGERS BOOTH.
HOW DID I MISS THIS?
They didn’t actually show him (alas!), they just talked about the fact that he came up and was, y’know, alive and well and doin the restaurant thing.
Someone should tell Craig that his website says his bar’s only open 11am-2pm. Pretty sure that should be 2am. Glad he’s doing well, though.
Here come the Tigers! It is good to see the Indians coming back down to earth.
I love C-Mo! Man, all the 2006 alumni seem to be showing up lately. It’s kind of sad how many of them are retired now. But, I’m glad to see Craig still has that million-watt smile. (Although, I also note that the wait staff pictured on his website all seem to be wearing “baseball bimbo” uniforms. Perhaps his restaurant is more Hooters than Applebee’s.)
Somehow I missed that Jackson has been using Victor’s bats lately until I read it. First Alex, now Austin. V-Mart is spreading his gospel of heavy bat-ness and having glorious results!
Boschy went nuts!!!! Max doesnt like bananas but eats one anyway. What a good boy!!!