photo by Samara Pearlstein
I think it’s high time we all came to terms with this. We humans have had the run of the Planet Earth for a good long time now, and we’ve gotten pretty used to it. Sure, there are still large predators around, and occasionally a shark or bear or stressed-out tiger will kill and possibly eat one of us, but those moments are few and far between these days and for the most part we are the baddest things around. Aside from ants, but ants ain’t building no International Space Station, you know what I mean? I mean even if they do build one, they totally do not have the means to put it into orbit.
This has more or less been the status quo for many a century, but now! Now we have to realize that we are no longer the dominant life form on this planet. Another branch of Earth-based life has emerged from the roiling genetic soup and it is so clearly superior to us in every way. Accepting this is going to be no easy thing, but that is why we should get started now. The sooner we can accustom our minds to the concept of being planetary second-rung, the happier we will be in the new world order.
I mean, I don’t know if you noticed, but Justin Verlander struck out 14 Diamondbacks in 8 innings on Saturday, holding them scoreless and walking only ONE. He allowed two harmless singles and two harmless doubles (both to Gerardo Parra, the #9 hitter, weirdly) and got his 10th win, not that wins mean anything.
Wins for Justin Verlander are like the over-the-top plumage sported by many male tropical birds. It’s technically pointless and it’s not the most accurate indicator of fitness/pitching ability, but it aims to fool the less discerning into THINKING it’s an accurate indicator of fitness/pitching ability. And it looks pretty.
Justin Verlander is not like you or me. He is more, and he is better. He throws 100mph when he is at the end of his outing. He is the next evolutionary step, destined to inherit and then rule the planet. Or maybe he rules it first and then inherits it. Either way, Justin Verlander ends up on top, because he is so clearly the dominant life form here.
MLB, AL Central, and cockroaches beware.