the All Star Game is whatever

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Here’s how it went down, Tigers-wise.

Justin Verlander: Did not play, due to pitching the Sunday before the break.

Jose Valverde: Did not play, due to lack of opportunity/lack of a bottom of the 9th inning.

Alex Avila: Grounded out to short, grounded out to first, caught 5 innings, had 3 bases stolen while he was behind the plate, caught one guy off the bag.

Jhonny Peralta: Subbed in at shortstop in the 5th, popped out in his only at-bat.

Miguel Cabrera: Subbed in at first base in the 5th, grounded out in his only at-bat. He was removed in the 7th with ‘soreness’ in his ‘side’, i.e. IT’S HIS OBLIQUE WE’RE ALL DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED.

(Actually this appears to have been a small twinge and a precautionary removal. Miggy indicated that if it was a regular season game instead of the stupid All Star Game, he would have stayed in and played through it. Still, given the history between Tigers and obliques, I feel obligated to insert some panic into the discussion.)

Not the greatest Tigers All Star showing ever, but it’s hard to care. So long as everyone comes out of it happy and healthy (Miguel), and their kids had a good time, and they took their significant others out to a nice dinner or several, it’s ok. If they were talking up the wonders of playing in Detroit to future free agents in the clubhouse, so much the better.

Some other All Star stuff that’s in bulletpoints because I am far too apathetic about the ASG to put this into proper connected paragraph form:

–Prince Fielder’s kids, Haven and Jaden, were in attendance. They both have great hair. You can’t see it in that shot, but Haven, the one with the mohawk, has the old school Brewers logo shaved into the side of his head.

–Heath Bell charging across the outfield as fast as he could and then going into a slide on the infield when he entered the game as a relief pitcher was the Actual Gameplay highlight of the night.

–Justin Verlander is a workaholic and everyone loves it. He would have normally thrown his bullpen session on Tuesday, and he was not about to let a little something like the All Star Game get in the way of his routine. Josh Beckett was impressed.

“He threw a bullpen at the All-Star Game,” Red Sox All-Star Josh Beckett marveled, with a little bit of teasing, at the ace to his right in the clubhouse. “We’ll just call him Cy Young.”

Jason Beck/

He asked Avila to catch it for him, but Alex laughed him off. I wonder who did catch it, though?

–During the Home Run Derby, there were several shots of D’Angelo Ortiz looking a little bit sulky and bored. It could be that he was tired; it could just be that All Star Games and HR Derbies are no big deal to him anymore… but I suspect he was missing Little Victor.

Papa Grande using expensive equipment.

Papa Grande holding a real big bat.

–Justin Verlander rented a private plane to take him to Arizona, because he is rich and fancy. Because he’s also a good teammate, he flew the other Tigers All Stars down with him. Because he’s a good person, he ALSO flew down the single lonely KC Royals representative, Aaron Crow, who didn’t even get into the game. The Royals are the ultimate Sadface.

But Justin Verlander, Midwest Baseball Transport, is not sadface at all.

17 responses to “the All Star Game is whatever

  1. I find it increasingly depressing that most baseball fans today don’t even remember when the All Star Game meant something.

    In the judgement of history, this will be amongst the worst of Selig’s crimes.

    • I was just thinking about the paradox of that. In trying to make the All-Star Game “count”, they have made it meaningless. Of course, Interleague Play has taken some of the fun out of it too. But that is also on Bud.

      • baseballoogie

        The All-Star game used to count when:
        – Players still really wanted the extra money they’d get for the All-Star bonus, so they’d show up.
        – There was no interleague play, so the game was the only other time besides the World Series when the two leagues would play, so the outcome was a point of pride and almost elevated to that level for both the players and the fans.

        Selig wasn’t directly involved in the first going away, but by making interleague (an idea that history will ultimately reject once the short-term profit gains by a handful of teams that don’t need it passes by) and by doing everything he can to consolidate the separate leagues, Selig put the bullet in the back of its head. His pathetic attempts to *make* it mean something have been an abysmal failure.

  2. TigersFan81371

    Did anyone notice that the cameraman behind home plate was wearing a Tigers home jersey?

  3. You said it Baseballoogie. I was writing about the first All Star Game on Michigan in Pictures and found out that Charlie Gehringer played EVERY INNING of the first SIX All-Star games:

    …and you called it Samara :(
    Slight strain of the right oblique:

  4. I heard crow wasnt available due to strep throat. so just maybe he would have pitched if not for that.

  5. I wonder if that’s what Valverde will do after he retires, if he ever learns english, same thing with Cabby and again if Cabby’s out for a long time I’m still blamming Ryan Raburn the suckiest second baseman maybe we should put Ramon Suckiago at second that is if Leyland will put him in.

  6. The AL laid a little Spazzosaurus out west probably because all of the mexican food down there it probably went right through them especially C.J. Wilson meanwhile my mom freaked out about the other Wilson’s beard. Going to the Tiger game Tuesday lower level baby only $10 on STUB HUB.

  7. Are those Avila’s fingers on the bottom left of the drawing? They’re kind of freaking me out…

  8. Yeah i think they are did you hear his middle left finger has been num since last year.

  9. First-time comment, long-time lurker here. Your illustrations are priceless; especially Verlander flying the plane with a Tigers colors captain’s cap.

    I also agree about Heath’s slide, it was a fantastic moment. Some player said “I don’t want a clown closing for me” in response to the slide. Were I Heath Bell, I wouldn’t want to close for a humorless idiot like that either. Grrr.

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