Eric Hosmer terrorizes Tigers

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

So excited to be done with the Royals for now. Sure, it’s the Wrong Sox up next and they’re a slightly bigger deal, but I think we all need a break from Eric Hosmer. He’s just not right. One might even call him baseball evil.

Did you know that every single time he came up to the plate on Thursday, Hosmer reached base? He was 3-for-3, and he also had two walks. He homered, AGAIN. He is a Royal Pain in the Posterior. A couple weeks off from him can only be a good thing.

Jacob Turner was back for this start, and was victimized by Hosmer, among others. He gave up 6 runs in 4.1 innings, but the pattern of the offense meant that Phil Coke was the one who got tagged with the loss (and the blown save). A simple tale of pitching woe, except for the fact that it came against the Royals. I don’t care what Jim Leyland says about how dangerous the Royals have become, it’s the principle of the thing. They are still the ROYALS.

But of course Jacob Turner is a mere kitten. As Jason Beck pointed out, there is less difference in age between Turner and the Kids Take the Field urchins (max age 14– 6 years younger than Turner) than there is between Turner and Magglio Ordonez (age 37– 17 years older than Turner).

Maybe this Sunday they should let Turner run the bases.

Speaking of elderly right fielders, Magglio actually had a very good game. Like, almost Hosmer-good! He was 3-for-4 with two doubles and a home run AND a stolen base and a pleasant little boost to his self esteem. He will undoubtedly be icing his entire body right up until gametime tomorrow, but it’s nice to see the old cat has some play left in him.

8 responses to “Eric Hosmer terrorizes Tigers

  1. I am growing to despise Eric Hosmer. It’s like he is the successor in Tiger-terrorizing to Jim Thome, destined to hit 200 career home runs, but somehow bend the rules of time and space so as to hit 495 home runs just against the Tigers in a career that sees him bouncing from one team to another, but never leaving the AL Central. #argh >:(

  2. hosmer is like the super devil

  3. “It’s like he is the successor in Tiger-terrorizing to Jim Thome”

    I thought that was Luke Scott.

    What a disappointing game. You couldn’t win it for Magglio?!?! Dude stole THIRD for us and we couldn’t win the game.

  4. Can’t believe actually i can believe it would be the bulpen to destroy Magglio’s day come on COKE!

  5. I’d rather have Hosmer beat us than that goof-ass looking Francoeur. I think the teeth thing he does is done solely to throw off the pitcher. “Look at this boob. There’s no WAY he can hit.”

    • you’re absolutly right. he is trying to somehow look profesional when he is not. its sad when you have to extend your contract 2 years with the ROYALS beacause nobody wants you and your stupid looking face

  6. Is Paws warding him off? Ugh. Can we have him do that on the field? It’s got to be legal in the face of unreasonable Hosmer attacks, right?

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