Doug Fister is all about the Ks.


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Is Doug Fister seducing you? NO. His sexy strikeouts are seducing you. You’re a baseball fan, you are susceptible. Doug Fister was all about the strikeouts on Sunday and you love it.

He lasted 8 innings, throwing 101 pitches. Efficient deliciousness! He allowed two runs, only one of which was earned. He allowed four hits, only one an extra base hit, and that was a Fukudome home run very late in his outing. He walked one. He cut his usual dashingly overlong figure on the mound.

He struck out thirteen. Thirteen. That’s the most Ks he’s thrown in any single game this season. It is the most he’s thrown in any single game in his career. Thirteen Ks in 8 innings is a whole freakin’ lot of strikeouts. I was going to say it was more than even Justin Verlander had thrown, but no, he had that game this year where he struck out 14 Diamondbacks and sent them whimpering away as if he were some sort of snake-killing mongoose. Anyways.

While Fister didn’t get a ton of run support, he did get enough for the win. This is more than he could have said in the first half of the season. Ubaldo Jimenez was pretty good, but Fister was great. This is why we got him, right? Decisive pitching performances against division rivals come September as summer ticks over into fall… that’s the whole POINT of having acquired Doug Fister, isn’t it? It is. It is, and it is particularly lovely to see it work out so well.

Other bits:

–BRENNAN BOESCH IS DONE FOR THE YEAR. His thumb will require surgery, and although they are trying to get him in as quickly as they can, it is pretty much a given that he won’t be ready to return this season. Ugh. No offense to Andy Dirks or the Rhino or whatever, but really… ugh.

–Omir Santos is finally up, so we can expect Alex Avila to get a break. At some point. Probably.

–I got multiple reports, via Twitter and email, that there was a mantis in the Detroit stands for the Sunday game. A mantis! A very large mantis! In the stands! With the fans!

Of course that was the game where the Tigers ripped off 18 runs. This is clearly no coincidence.

–Where is the evil Jason Kipnis? He’s on the DL with a hamstring thing. Although he could be back soonish, it should not be for the Tigers series. I believe I speak for us all when I say: GOOD.

9 responses to “Doug Fister is all about the Ks.

  1. I had not previously grasped just how hot Mr. Fister is–6’8″ of yum.

    • FUCK OFF MOTHER FUCKER HES MINE BITCH ASS CUNT! SHUT YOU GOD DAMN MOUTH HES 6″8 1/2 DUMBASS GET IT RIGHT! AND HES WAY BETTER THAN JUST “YUM!” HES FUCKING DELICIOUS! HE IS THE MOST TASTIES MAN ON THIS GOD DAMN EARTH SO DONT SAY SHIT IF YOU DONT EVEN KNOW!!

  2. “Decisive pitching performances against division rivals come September as summer ticks over into fall… that’s the whole POINT of having acquired Doug Fister, isn’t it?”

    Yeah, and that’s why the Indians got Jimenez. And he’s faced the Tigers twice now, and lost both. So sweet. It’s been a rough year for those guys, but it’s hard to have too much sympathy.

    I remain neutral on Mr. Fister’s hotness. (But hey, it’s fun to say Mister Fister, isn’t it?)

  3. Sam, what will you do if the Tigers play Boston in the playoff round ?? Wouldn’t it be hard to be “neutral”? Your head will explode — there’s a cartoon!

    • YES! PERFECT!! we can have the Red Sox explode! i can imagine a flying David Ortiz knocking down Yukey. but then what about those darn Yankees? Crap. Pitch that idea. Why did you even bring that idea up, Sharon?

    • Yes, well, we all knew this day might come, and no doubt Sam has known most of all. And if and when it happens, we shall have to give our Hostess her space; it’s going to be a weird time. Like when a family member is going through some weird unfathomable personal crisis — we will simply have to trust that she will be back to normal once the inevitable Tiger victory occurs. I’m sure there will be no painful explosions or hard feelings.

  4. Sigh.

    “You’re a baseball fan, you are susceptible.”

    Too true. When you are a baseball fan the list of traits that are considered sexy starts to include things like “strikeouts” “knee-bending curveballs” “strong accurate arm from the outfield” “pretty uppercut home run swing.”

    What a weirdo I have become. #whatever :)

    • Annalisa Alexis Gonzales Anthony Monroe

      I do not know very much about base ball but kayla is right. He is very attractive.

  5. Oh my FRICKING GODD! DOUG FISTER IS SOOO SEXY!!! Agree? Disagree?? I LOVE HIMMM!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s