the Return of the Hit Parade

image by Samara Pearlstein

The Hit Parade returned to Comerica in STYLE on Monday. There was a lot of commotion and there were lots of loud noises and it might have been a bit overwhelming for the new guys up with the expanded roster who aren’t really used to it yet, you know, maybe Jacob Turner had to go sit in the clubhouse for a bit to calm down since he is still just a kitten and all.

But when the dust all settled the Tigers were left with 14 runs on 18 hits. This included 5 doubles (two for Victor), a Rhino triple, and a three-run homer from Delmon Young. Ubaldo Jimenez lasted 5 innings and probably could have been pulled before that. Doug Fister went 8 and allowed only 3 hits (all singles). The Racist Logos did not score a single run.

The Hit Parade was very one-sided, you see, and that was good because the best Hit Parade is the wholly tiger-striped variety. Everyone knows that.

The only Tigers who did not get hits in this one were the two pinch runners (Inge and Worth, both of whom never came up to bat) and the one pinch hitter (Omir Santos, who had one at-bat and struck out). And the pitchers, of course. Every starting batter got at least one hit. Miguel Cabrera got three, because Miguel Cabrera is beautiful.

Mister Fister looked amazing. He pitched well. He fielded his position well with a particularly nice back-handed grab early in the game. He got another Win, further proving that he was being criminally wasted in Seattle and Detroit is the proper place for him and his talents. He continued to be the Tigers pitcher whose body type and posture most resembles that of a praying mantis.

Q: What is better than a huge, lurid Tigers Hit Parade?
A: A huge, lurid Tigers Hit Parade that comes at the expense of the Racist Logos.

Scherzer tomorrow, then FredFred. Let’s keep this up. I would like the team to be positively brimming over with Good Feelings as they saunter into the postseason.

5 responses to “the Return of the Hit Parade

  1. What a Game! They should all be like This one!!

  2. Miguel Cabrera is beautiful? whatever…i dont care

  3. Anything that comes at the expense of Cleveland is beautiful. In fact the only thing more beautiful than that is Miguel Cabrera.

  4. Cabby for MVP? might not be out of the question my friends with the batting title his chances might skyrocket and if the Red Sox don’t make it Elsbury and Pedroia and Gonzo Bean might fall as well

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