all illustrations by Samara Pearlstein
Are you ready for what we are about to experience, Tigers fans and Friends of the Cats? Are you READY? You know, 2006 was a long time ago. Ready or not, here we go. The first game of the postseason is tonight. Tomorrow is October. It is autumn, and the Tigers are wicked awesome.
The regular season ended, appropriately enough, with Jose Valverde’s 49th save. Do you know how many saves he blew in 2011? You’re a Tigers fan, of course you know, but just in case you’re a fan of some other random team who just happened across this site, I will tell you. Jose Valverde blew ZERO saves in 2011. Forty-nine consecutive saves. Forty-nine glorious dances.
What else happened as the regular season came to a close? Oh, well, you know. Just a little thing like
MIGUEL CABRERA WINNING THE BATTING TITLE because he is the best and he is ours, ours, all ours. His final batting average for the regular season? .344. Choke on THAT, every other hitter in the Majors!
So things ended on a high note, just as we would have wanted. The Detroit chess pieces are arrayed before us. Alex Avila, the sturdy and stolid rook. Cabrera, the dashing knight. Max Scherzer and Doug Fister, the wily bishops. Don Kelly, the manager’s favorite pawn. Who is the queen? Probably Papa Grande, and I mean that as a compliment. Justin Verlander, of course, is king of all he surveys. Why wasn’t this today’s cartoon? I thought of it just now, and I’m not near my scanner. Oh well.
THE POINT. Now we get to see the Tigers play chess with the Yankees, with Curtis Granderson (sadface forever). They will have to outwit them, overpower them, generally chess the heck out of ’em. I don’t know where I’m going with this anymore. PLAYOFFS. GO TIGERS!
Oh, and a very happy New Year to you all!