nooo Victor noooooooo

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Victor Martinez has torn his ACL while conditioning last week. He could miss the entire 2012 season.

My initial reaction was several paragraphs of the word NO. Nooooo noooooo NoooOOOOooooOooooo no no no no NO NO NO noooooOOOOoooOooOoOOoo. And so on. I spare you the paragraph treatment but know that that is what is going on inside my head right now.

There goes our DH… our protection for Miguel Cabrera… one of a very few anchors in an already-suspect lineup…

And what of Little Victor? If Big Victor is not around the team because he’s spending the entire season getting surgery and lying around recovering and rehabbing and and and (*sob!*)… then there is no reason for Little Victor to be hanging around the clubhouse, or taking BP, or doing any one of the million things he did last year to make life a little more joyous at Comerica and on the road. I’M NOT OK WITH THIS.

Now the Tigers need a DH. How ridiculous is that? Last year we had like fifteen separate dudes who could have been the DH on most other teams, but we had to watch their decrepit bodies struggle gamely in the field because there is only so much injured-old-dude-hiding one AL team can do. Now who do we use? Andy Dirks? Paws almighty. He’s not even broken, and his bat is not that big.

Do we re-sign Carlos or Magglio? Wait guys, come back, we know you are made of injury and your muscle fibers will snap at the slightest spring breeze, but we have room for you now! This is a real thing that has happened to our team! (note: do not actually re-sign Carlos or Magglio)

What does it mean that I already had this image sitting in my Photobucket?? Was this horrible event PRESAGED? By TERRIBLE CARTOONS? Oh man Universe I am SO SORRY.

17 responses to “nooo Victor noooooooo

  1. I think…now I’m not sure but I THINK…that one can still play the accordion with a gimpy ACL. Because if it turns out that one cannot, then I curse the universe.

  2. Two hours after I purchased my partial season tix plan (and feeling so happy that Tigers time is almost here) , I am driving and heard the news about VMart….. Went from excited and hopeful to disappointed and not so hopeful…. Still a Tigers fan, but VMart was a big part of the excitement.

  3. I think I’m going to be sick :( He was a great bat to have in the line-up last season and in general, he just seems like a great guy. :( Hope he gets well soon.

  4. Could you please draw a picture of Victor being miraculously cured?

  5. Umm, is it too early to be worrying about a Spazzosaurus attack? I thought they’d be in hibernation this time of year, but if they can get to Victor…

  6. Ugh. Johnny Damon? Carlos Pena? There will be a drop off from Victor, but we will obtain another bat.

  7. We should sign Carlos Pena to a one year deal or Johnny Damon if only there was a perfect combo of the both of them oh wait that’s Victor hey here’s a thought sign little Victor!

  8. It could always be worse. We could have traded for Fausto Carmona . . .

  9. I had very, very similar reactions, but TOTALLY FORGOT about little Victor. I don’t know if I can last an entire season without watching him warming up with the team. ::sob::

    My husband and I joked about Damon being available. Then we really thought about it and it didn’t sound terrible. We’re still thinking on this one.

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