Your 2012 All Star Tigers

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

There you have it, your 2012 All Star Tigers: Prince Fielder starting at first base, Miguel Cabrera and Justin Verlander on the roster. You can make arguments for the inclusion of Austin Jackson and/or Joaquin Benoit, but as they are not on the Final Man Voting ballot, barring injury or other player dropout, it ain’t gonna happen. There shall be three Tigers and three Tigers is what there shall be.

Last year I think we all– myself included– got a bit riled up about the ASG, due to the potential injustice of Alex Avila not going, even though he had the most unquenchable beard in all the Major Leagues and was also playing like a dude who is good at baseball. Of course 2009 was exciting on account of THE BRANDON INGE FACTOR, yes, I know, shut up, I still wear my 2009 American League Brandon Inge All Star Game jersey with pride. So there. This year I am back to my usual state of excit-apathy for all things All Star.

I know it means something to the players, but really, it’s meaningless. We’ve been over this before, and you’re all smart cats, you know as well as I do that it’s a popularity contest only partially (some would say barely) contingent upon actual performance and numbers. We may speak of Injustice when Awesome Player X doesn’t make the team, but what possible meaning can Justice have for something so devoid of rational rule and law as the MLB All Star voting process?

The fact that something as potentially important as World Series home field advantage rides on the All Star Game does not mitigate my vexation; in fact, it only makes things worse. Something as totally vapid and pointless as the All Star Game is determining World Series home field advantage, you guys. That’s not something that should make you happy, that’s something that should terrify and/or infuriate you, depending on how invested you are in the outcome of the World Series.

ANYWAYS. Prince Fielder and Miguel Cabrera can do their weird little handshake thing on a national stage, maybe. Justin Verlander can throw a few baseballs very fast, maybe. Prince might do the Home Run Derby, because that never screws up a dude’s swing for the second half or anything. Nobody will get hurt, or Paws will have to stab Ron Washington in the spleen. It’s not that he wants to do it, Mr. Washington. It’s just that if a Tiger gets hurt on your watch, he must. It is in his job description.

It is a pointless game, but life itself is pointless when you get right on down to it, so, whatever. Will I watch it? Probably yes. It may need to be in some environment where I can’t hear the announcing, which is usually what drives me over the edge from mild tolerance to a real This Is The Worst Thing Ever What Has Become of My Life existential crisis, but yeah, I am what I am, I will probably watch the bloody thing.

ANYWAYS ANYWAYS. Apologies for the long silence between posts; I was in Pittsburgh for the Tigers series, and really wanted the next post to be the photo roundup from that trip. Happily/unfortunately, I took approximately 10,000 photos, and going through them while still dealing with work, class, and Studio Absurdity is taking a really long time. So… yeah, those will be up soon, hopefully. There’s some good stuff you lot need to see.


How great were those Tigers throwbacks in Tampa? How great would it have been to be a Tigers cartoonist back when they were wearing those things? WICKED GREAT.

7 responses to “Your 2012 All Star Tigers

  1. The throwback unis were indeed marvelous. I thought the Rays’ invented throwbacks were an absolute hoot. In other side-notes, there ought to be (and maybe there is?) a better term for the type of routine Miggy and Prince perform – “handshake” doesn’t begin to cover it.

  2. I was at the three of the four games in Tampa and got to witness the throwback night. It was fabulous. There were 29,000+ people there. In the Trop. Not during playoffs. So fun!

    I also took an approximate 10,000 pictures, so I feel your pain.

  3. Our classy unis, and the Rays’ hilarious “throwbacks,” were a nice reminder that our Tigs avoided the unfortunate 70s fashion trends that saddled so many teams with clown-suits for a generation. We were that close to doubleknit bell-bottom baseball pants.

    Speaking of which: tried to watch last night’s Dodger game but was hopelessly distracted by Tony Gwynn Jr.’s, um, parachute Bermudas. Hand-me-downs from his dad? A blatant attempt to increase his HBP? Or is he just horribly deformed from the waist down?

  4. Woo hoo! You’re back! And right on point as ever!! I’ll watch the All Star Game under intellectual protest too… could the announcing be worse? I guess we’ll find out!

  5. There are worse things than being a fan of a conservatively-dressed baseball team. (For one, I felt safe buying a home-white jersey, knowing it will never go out of style.) I loved seeing those throwback uniforms, because those are the the jerseys I saw Tram and Gibby wearing when I was a kid. (Although, I did notice the current club wore theirs a bit looser than the team did back in the day.) I’ve even seen pictures of Al Kaline in road unis from that era.

    I almost feel sorry for TB fans, who have to invent history. But, on the other hand, we never get to have “Throwback Night” at Comerica Park – ’cause who could tell the difference? (And, yes, I know they do the Negro League tribute game every year, but that has a bit more gravitas than just having a silly dress-the-players-up-like-it’s-the-’70s, vibe. We miss out on that, I think.)

    • It was actually a blast. The club did a really good job with the whole evening. The best part? The player pictures for the scoreboard for the Rays players had them in full pimp dress, complete with terrible 70’s wigs. It was AMAZING. Unfortunately, I was sitting directly under the scoreboard that night, so I have no pictures, but I’m sure they’re out there somewhere.

      Also? DJ Kitty was Disco Kitty for the night. Sweet.

  6. For some reason the Terrible Cartoon of Prince, Justin and Miggy reminds me of the Three Wise Men following the Christmas Star. :-) I think it’s the hat on Prince that does it. :-)

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