illustration by Samara Pearlstein
What are you supposed to do when you’ve got a great big pile of the Wrong Sox? I can imagine only one real solution: you’ve got to sweep them up. You let the laundry go too long and soon you have no proper socks anymore, plus you have more dirty clothes than you can fit in one load and if you have to do more than one load at once, why, that’s simply terrible, especially if you live in an apartment and need an endless supply of quarters to wash your stuff, and sometimes that means you have to go out and spend money specifically so that you can get quarters back as change, you know, you go out and buy an Adam Dunn or whatever, before you know it you’re blowing tens of millions of dollars just to get some laundry quarters, it’s all a terrible waste. That’s what happens with Wrong Sox. They’re just the worst.
In fact, let’s refer back to that pile– you’ve probably let it go too long already, and now those socks are all stiff and moldy and gross for whatever reason, like maybe your closet has the climate of an Amazonian swamp, who knows how that happens. Not a good environment for socks in general, but particularly awful for one great big matted pile of nasty old Wrong Sox. When they get to that point, is it even worth it to try to launder them? Probably not, right? Better to just sweep up the lot of ’em and let the cats down at the dump deal with it.
Which is, happily, just what the Tigers did.
After having been Royally humiliated, that was a very necessary cleaning. The wild card is not getting any closer– in fact, given the way the A’s, Orioles, and to some extent the Rays are playing, it seems like it’s still getting farther away every day– so the race for the Central is becoming more and more important. AJ Pierzynski’s disgusting footwear is the only thing standing between the Tigers and a playoff spot in the division, but there’s a whole mess of baseball in their way if they try to get in via wild card.
Now, you can take my (our) reactions after the KC series and reverse them to get a fair approximation of my (our) reactions after taking down the Wrong Sox. May we consider that an emotional wash? There are three games against the Racist Logos to get through, with yesterday’s having already been a loss (ugh), then three in LA (ugh), and then the Tigs are back in Chicago and we get to freak out about Games That Mean Ever So Much again. It’s not just our mental well-being as fans that’s at stake here, and of course every game counts at this point, but the way the Tigers play over this next stretch will have a horribly real and immanent impact on their ability to keep playing in a venue other than their own no-doubt spacious backyards on into October.