illustrations by Samara Pearlstein
These Terrible Cartoons are old, but still applicable today. Not that this is a good thing, mind, but it is definitely a Thing, because the Tigers must have been trying to kill me then, and now they have renewed their efforts.
Jim Leyland is trying to kill me with his (non)decision-making. Doug Fister is trying to kill me with his comebacker off the wrist. Delmon Young is trying to kill me with cognitive dissonance. Papa Grande is plain old trying to kill me, just straight up murderous intent and all that. By the end of the game I felt like I had run a marathon and been hit over the head with a large mallet. I needed a pile of kittens and probably a hug. It was not passive baseball viewing; the Tigers made sure that was not going to be possible.
If they’re all going to be like this, I may not survive the week. Fair warning.