Phil Coke leads to victory and other oddities.

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

First things first: we are up 2-0. We are up 2-0 in the ALCS. We are up 2-0 in the ALCS against the Yankees and the first two games were in New York. We are up 2-0 in the ALCS, against New York, in New York, and Justin Verlander has yet to pitch in the series. Can I just take this moment to gesture in astonished mute hysteria? Yes? Thank you.

Secondly, the facts.

–Phil Coke had a two-inning save. In New York. In the ALCS. In place of our nominal real closer, who suddenly cannot be trusted with a hard-boiled egg in a wet paper bag, let alone anything less than a 10-run lead in a playoff game. In a crucial Game 2, when the Tigers desperately needed someone to step into that bullpen void, someone did step in, and that someone was freakin’ Phillip Douglas Coke, our noble knight of tonsorial mutability and carbonated beverages. Wow.

–Jhonny Peralta has been doing some crazy fielding of the baseball.

–Anibal Sanchez shut the Yankees out over seven innings. The useful formulation of that statement would be: A Tigers pitcher not named Justin Verlander shut the Yankees out over any significant number of innings. That is absolutely crucial, because Verlander is going to do what Verlander is going to do (Paws willing), but if nobody else in the rotation is able to operate on a comparable level, it’s just not going to go well.

–Hiroki Kuroda was throwing a perfect game for way too long to be considered polite.

–Even when there are a dozen umpires on the field, they are still going to screw things up. This is fine when it negatively impacts the Yankees and a travesty against every aspect of human decency when it negatively impacts the Tigers, obviously.

–Everybody likes to say Avisail Garcia’s name, and everyone likes to see him standing around with Miguel Cabrera so that all can marvel at how they are actually the same person and one of them is clearly just a time traveler.

–Meanwhile, in the TBS studios:

8 responses to “Phil Coke leads to victory and other oddities.

  1. Does anyone really think we would still be talking about that bad call if it happened to us? Of course not. The fact still remains that the whining Yanks did not score ONE run in that game. TBS and Yanks, get over yourselves.

  2. You do realize you just sent me to my dictionary to make sure I knew what “tonsorial mutability” meant, don’t you?

    I do kind of feel bad that Jeter’s hurt because he is a good guy (even if he’s a Yankee) and it doesn’t feel right to celebrate anyone breaking an ankle. But, yeah, if it had been somebody on our team, the announcers would have probably forgotten how to pronounce his name already. (Although in the case of Avisail, I have yet to hear two TBS announcers pronounce it the same way, anyway.)

    Also, who has a feeling that Bud is going to come down from on high and pronounce we need more instant replay, now that the Yankees have been screwed over (sort of) by a missed call? Of course, in 2009, Game 163, our season rode on a single botched call, too. Too. Bad.

  3. if that call was against us, we’d go “eh, these umps are for the yankees.” but its ridiculous to think the umps are pro-tigers so TBS must assume that the umps are flawed in general.

    Also, I’m not mad at Avisail Garcia for being a younger hot(ter) Miggy.

  4. Garcia hotter than Miggy? Don’t know about that. What do you think? Will we see the botched call again tomorrow night? I bet we will. I feel bad for Jeter. It’s really a shame. But we are up 2-0. 2-0. Wow.

  5. Certainly a rough call, but Deb nailed it. You probably need to score a run before you have any skin in the complain game.

    Regarding Sanchez, I feel like Dombrowski and everyone who advocated for making that acquisition is smiling a satisfied smile. In terms of Coke, I’m pretty sure that Papa was thirsty in the bullpen last week and chugged Phil’s signature gasoline by accident. That or he lost his pitches on the California freeways…

  6. Let’s make it 3-0 tonight!

  7. Not exactly a relaxing game, but a win is a win! 3-0 is a very good start….

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