illustration by Samara Pearlstein
Nasty brutish dangerous creatures. Can’t be trusted with tourists or food-sized children or fastballs or sliders. Terrible animals that lull you into a false sense of security with their kindly faces and adorably roly-poly bodies only to MAUL THE LIFE OUT OF YOU and also to HIT THREE HOME RUNS IN ONE GAME.
Pandas: they are just no good.
For the well-being of the planet, I believe we must make them even more endangered. It is the only logical solution to the problem. The panda problem.