Pandas are bad and should be avoided.

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Nasty brutish dangerous creatures. Can’t be trusted with tourists or food-sized children or fastballs or sliders. Terrible animals that lull you into a false sense of security with their kindly faces and adorably roly-poly bodies only to MAUL THE LIFE OUT OF YOU and also to HIT THREE HOME RUNS IN ONE GAME.

Pandas: they are just no good.

For the well-being of the planet, I believe we must make them even more endangered. It is the only logical solution to the problem. The panda problem.

10 responses to “Pandas are bad and should be avoided.

  1. It’s so rare to see the anti-panda viewpoint get its fair shake.

  2. Giant pandas can go the way of the dinosaur. D-8(

    (Just don’t hurt the red pandas; they are more adorable than anything.)

    Tonight was pain and suffering.

  3. Tonight was bad. But it is only one game.

    It is refreshing to see the anti-Panda position being articulated so effectively.

  4. Let us Fister the Panda. Immediately and forever.

  5. The potato is baked. Repeat, the potato is baked.

  6. Fister will punch out the Panda tonight.

  7. I don’t know about the anime, but I agree with the sentiment of the song.

  8. This made my day

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