illustration by Samara Pearlstein
Detroit baseball is back! and yes, it’s not back in Detroit quite yet, but it’s back in Minnesota, and that’s close enough. It was, judging from the players’ attire and the fans in the stands on Monday, cold as balls. Obviously baseball being back is a good thing; the frigidity is also a good thing. Why?
–First and foremost: baseball players in spandex face-eating hoodies. The best example of this was, of course, Prince Fielder, who attempted to stuff his entire sizable head, plus dreads, into one such hoodie, leaving it stretched and lumpy. Then he tried to fit his hat on top. It was exactly as magical as you’re imagining.
–Cold weather right away will harden the Tigers right away, preparing them for their (no doubt not any less cold) early season home games, instead of softening them up with games in warmer, softer, squishier climes.
–It will be swelteringly hot at baseball games soon enough. Let’s enjoy this for now.
–Team food can be stored under the bench and will probably remain fresh without forcing any rookies to throw out their shoulders toting around oversized coolers.
–The cold keeps Justin Verlander’s mind rapier-keen, as evidenced by his first Opening Day win. And we all know his fastball is hot enough to keep his hands warm regardless, so it’s all good.
–Remember how cold it was in October? Right. Just saying.