If you don’t vote for Miguel Cabrera, you are what is wrong with the world.

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Vote Miguel Cabrera into the 2010 All Star game. It is the Right Thing to Do. In fact, it is the only right thing you can do. If you vote for anyone else, you are actively working to destroy everything that is good in the world, like chocolate and kittens and sunshine and the innocent trust of a child. Do you want to work to destroy those things? DO YOU REALLY? I mean, kittens.

Currently leading the voting at first base is Mark Teixeira, who is batting .211/.326/.363 with 8 home runs. Yes, you read that correctly, this rubber-faced trollbeast, hitting a weaksauce .211, is LEADING THE VOTING. Brandon Inge is doing better than that and Brandon Inge is having a wretched season at the plate so far. Teixeira is currently ahead of Justin Morneau AND Billy Butler AND Miguel Cabrera, and everyone else in the entire first-base-playing world, simply because he wraps his rump in pinstripes. This is a wrongness. It is a mockery of Major League Baseball and the entire All Star system. (Not that the system isn’t already a mockery of itself, but you know, worse than usual, etc.)

If you vote for Miguel Cabrera, you are making some strides, however small, towards righting this wrong. And if we get EVERYONE to vote for Miguel Cabrera, why, lots of small strides can add up to one gigantic stomp that crushes Mark Teixeira under its Heel of Justice. YES. FOR BASEBALL!

If you refrain from voting at all, know that your apathy is just as damaging. Inaction can be as harmful as the wrong action, kids and kittens, never forget that.

Again, you can vote right over here. You can (and should) vote up to 25 times per email address, up until midnight on July 1. There are no Tigers leading in any categories. Only YOU can stop forest fires fix this voting mess!

Other cats:

—Adam Everett will be designated for assignment on Tuesday. The Tigers will bring up Danny Worth to take his place. They’ve had a lot of patience for Everett’s offensive shortcomings, so I’m not sure why the plug is being pulled right now, but it is, and we all must live with the impending absence of Adam Everett’s hair from our immediate lives. I suppose Ramon Santiago will get some more playing time if Worth ends up being shaky. But this is apparently the year of starting kittens at the big league level and giving them a ton of at-bats and just hoping it works out for the best. Thus far we’re 1-and-1 on that (Jackson, yes; Sizemore, no), so.

—Jim Leyland has an interesting bucket list.

Leyland said he never met John Wooden, the legendary UCLA men’s basketball coach who died on Friday at age 99 — but when asked who he’d most like to meet, that he hasn’t yet, it wasn’t a sports figure.

“Barbra Streisand,” he said. “I almost introduced myself to her one time when she was at a game in Los Angeles, but I didn’t have the nerve. I’ve just always admired her as a singer and entertainer. I thought she was the greatest of all time.

“She’s on my bucket list. But I’m doubt I’m on hers.”
Tom Gage/Detroit News

I… ok. We do already know that Mr. Leyland can sing shockingly, unexpectedly well; perhaps this is related?

—Dontrelle’s first game as a Diamondback was glorious. He threw six shutout innings. He singled and scored the first run of the game (greenlighted on a ball hit to the outfield, he ended up sliding headfirst across home, just barely beating out the throw). He got the win. Oh, my Dontrelle! I wipe a happy/sad tear of pride from my eye.

Winter meeting trade rumors get going

The current rumor is that the Mets have picked up Edwin Jackson. (via Rotoworld, via AOL’s Ed Price) True, untrue, sort-of true, not yet true but soon to be fact? Lobby rumor or actual trade? Don’t know yet. I’ll update this post if/when I hear more.

(eeeek)

Oh, also: the Rangers just got Clay Rapada for cash or a player to be named later. So ends the Clay Rapada non-era in Detroit.

ETA: ESPN’s Buster Olney sez, “The Tigers’ asking price on Edwin Jackson is said by other teams to be very, very high at this point.” Take that as you will.

ETAA: The Mets deny the Jackson trade. Also, the Chicago Tribune, which had indicated that the Cubs had interest in Curtis Granderson, is saying that the Yankees are ‘hot on the trail’ of Granderson right now (tip o’the paw to Billfer). Excuse me, I need to go vomit up my spleen.

ETAAA: THE WORST THING. Jackson, Granderson both connected to the Yankees via rumor. Just a rumor, just a rumor, just a rumor, just a rumor OF ALL MY NIGHTMARES.

ETAAAA: We’ve re-signed Adam Everett! One year deal, allegedly. This is a good thing, a move that pleases me. It’s 5000 times better than picking up, say, Bobby Crosby.

ETAAAAA: Ozzie Guillen at the Winter Meetings is glorious. “Ah, I don’t know all our players. Ask Joey Cora. He knows all of our players.”

ETAAAAAA: It’s 11:30 pm on Monday night. The latest thing I’ve heard on the Jackson/Granderson rumors is this potential/supposed story from the FOX crew, which would have the following go down:

–Diamondbacks get Jackson and Ian Kennedy of the Yankees
–Yankees get Granderson and Dback prospects
–Tigers get Max Scherzer from the Dbacks; Austin Jackson, Phil Coke, and Michael Dunn from the Yanks

Jackson is a 22 year old center fielder (he’ll be 23 next season), pretty much the Yankees’ top prospect. He’s a righty. He hit .300/.354/.405 last season at triple-A. Coke is a 27 year old lefty reliever who had a 4.50 ERA and a 1.07 WHIP in 60 innings in the Majors last year. He’s cheap. Dunn will be 24-25 years old next season. He’s a lefty reliever who had a 3.71 ERA and a 1.37 WHIP in 53.1 innings at double-A last year (2.25 ERA in 20 innings at triple-A, and he got in 4 games for the Yanks proper).

Scherzer will be 25-26 years old in 2010. He’s a right-handed starting pitcher who had a 9-11 record with the Dbacks in ’09, his first full season of big league service. He put up a 4.12 ERA and a 1.34 WHIP. He was 8th in the NL for Ks per 9 innings pitched, and he was 5th in hit batters (related?). He has odd eyes.

Don’t know how much I credit this rumorlicious report right now, but it’s something to chew on. If this was really what we got back for Grandy and Edwin, would it be worth it? :/

Everett hits one out, Angels refuse to be properly impressed

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

–Couldn’t really think of anything to use for an image today, then I remembered that ADAM EVERETT HIT A HOME RUN, which is crazy like a crazybug that’s been sucking on the crazyjuice of the crazyplant in Crazyville. I reckon that deserves acknowledgment.

–Before today’s game, Nate Robertson was recalled from Toledo, and Arrrrrrmando Galarraga was sent down in his place. He’ll be back up on September 1 when the rosters expand. Rod did say that he had “a little inflammation in his throwing elbow,” but every pitcher has a little inflammation in his throwing elbow at some point or other during the season, it’s one of those things that happens when you whip your arm around in ridiculously unnatural ways in order to throw a baseball.

Nate will get the start on Friday, so, uh… yeah, that should be a “fun” one.

–I like how the new Lions commercials emphasize the fact that the Lions are making “no promises” beyond the alleged fact that they’ll work hard this year. Also, the All You Can Eat Seats sound like a potential disaster. Do you really want to be sitting near the guy who’s been downing as many bratwurst as he can possibly fit in his digestive system at one time?

–Bobby Abreu is the weirdest base stealer. You look at a guy like Jacoby Ellsbury or Curtis Granderson, you totally get that he will steal a lot of bases, because he just LOOKS fast. Abreu, though, looks like he should by rights be slow as molasses. I distinctly remember the first time I saw him play in person (it was in Fenway); I forget who the pitcher was, but he checked Abreu a zillion times whenever he was at first, and I had NO idea why. Until I saw him steal a base… and steal another base… I don’t know. His instincts must be spectacular.

–The Rally Monkeys stole five bases off of Gerald Laird today, which is the most in any single game so far this season. Poor G-Money. The Angels do steal a lot off of everyone, though, it’s kind of Their Thing.

–Big missed opportunity in the 4th. There were men on first and second (Magglio and Polanco respectively), nobody out, Cabrera at the plate, 3-0 count. Cabrera went on to strike out swinging. The runners were going and Napoli threw Polanco out easily at third. So it was two outs, Magglio on second, Thames up, and he flew out to Hunter in center. Waste, waste, waste.

–Rod on Thames: “If he gets a fastball right now, he’s gonna come outta his belt!” Uh… what?

–Miggy had eyeblack on to start the game, but by the 6th inning he had wiped it off. Thames and Raburn and Everett still had their eyeblack on, in the same inning. It was still very sunny and bright.

–There were a whole lot of empty seats in Anaheim today. I guess the fact that it was a mid-day game on a Wednesday had something to do with that, and the heat may have kept people away. They listed the attendance as 36,329, but I’m not sure I believe that.

–Jackson was afflicted with Justin Verlander Disease in this one: the dreaded inefficiency. He had thrown something like 109 pitches after 6 innings. He should not have gone out to start the 7th… of course Figgins lead off the 7th with a double.

–Bottom of the 7th, Perry pitching. He struck out Hunter… Figgins was on third base, having previously advanced on a ground out. Both Perry and Laird turned their backs on Figgins at third. Figgins snuck down the line, then broke for home! Crudcats! Flackbadgers!

Apparently Brandon Inge asked for time and the umpire had his hands up before Figgins got home. Very, very lucky that they actually granted it, because Perry didn’t even make the throw home, just gestured with the ball. Figgins would have stolen home easily if time had not been called (thank you alert Mr. Inge) and granted (thank you HP ump).

–I still can’t quite believe ALL our scoring for the day came from Adam “Just Let Me Go To The Plate With My Glove Please” Everett.

–The Red Sox helped us out by beating the Wrong Sox yet again. David Ortiz hit a walkoff homer to win it, because David Ortiz is glorious.

Tigers on the defensive (but that's a good thing)

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

I am not going to talk about the two interleague games the Tigers lost. I did not see them, therefore they did not exist. You may believe otherwise, but we are not here to cater to your personal belief system. Instead we will talk about stuff from the rest of the Texas series and that first (only) game of interleague and a little bit about the Memorial Day KC game, but before we get into all that we must discuss the game announced by Mario Impemba and John Keating.

The game where the fans could Facebook or Tweet in, and get their questions answered on the air. In the middle of the game.

Look, you insufferable goatlickers, I get it. I know what Twitter is. I know how it works. I am not confused by the phenomenon; I grok the Tweeting concept. I am a part of the demographic that is supposed to be all about the Tweeting. I. Just. Don’t. Care. I don’t want 5,000 inane updates on the bland minutiae of someone else’s life, I don’t want to see you stop in the middle of living life like a normal person so you can text a frelling tweet to your account from your catdamned iPhone, I don’t give an aphid’s sphincter who you’re ‘following’ these days, and I most especially

DO NOT WANT TWITTER IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CATDAMNED BASEBALL GAME.

I don’t want the space usually occupied by announcer banter (something that flies naturally between Rod and Mario, and drops like a crow stricken with bird flu when Mario has Keating in the booth) filled instead with the announcers’ infuriatingly mild reaction to a viewer asking a vacuous question like, “Why does pitch count matter?” via tweet. This doesn’t make me think FSN is cool and hip and down with technology, it makes me HATE EVERYTHING, AS HARD AS POSSIBLE. It is difficult for me to type these words because I keep balling my hands up into little fists of rage just remembering this game. Aaaahhhuurrrrgggh.

So, yeah. I just wanted to get that out of the way. Let us move on to happier things, mainly, as the image up top may suggest, the fact that the Tigers can play defense now. Seriously! I know there are many jokes on this website, but this is not a joke, it is a thing that has actually been happening, in real life.

The Tigers had some amazing defense over the course of this latest little winning streak. Some of it was more or less expected: it’s fun to see Curtis Granderson make a crazy leaping circus catch, of course, but it isn’t surprising, because Curtis Granderson is perfect. Excellent Brandon Inge plays are in the same family, because we are all very familiar with his athleticism/scrappiness/range/sure-handedness/third-baseyness/etc by now, and while we (I) will still make happy dolphin noises when he pulls off a particularly spectacular play, it is what we on some level already expect of him.

But some of this is still new. For example, shortstop. Adam Everett is small and kind of awkward-looking, yes, but we used to spend our Shortstop Contemplation Time worrying about which of Carlos Guillen’s bodyparts would implode next, or if this would finally be the day where Edgar Renteria burst into hysterical tears in the middle of a game. Not that long ago we were cringing in horror whenever we realized Neifi!!! was on the field. Now we watch Adam Everett play competent baseball! Times have changed, and we have found that it is good, or at least markedly less horrific.

Miguel Cabrera is also more fun to watch nowadays, and I’m not (just) talking about his plate appearances. Putting Inge back at third full-time was a good move for the Tigers’ defense, obviously, but putting Cabrera at first full-time has turned out to be almost as smart. I mean, we are talking about a metamorphosis that we have been able to see happen right in front of our fannish little faces. Gross squidgy caterpillar to delicate-winged butterfly! Ugly duckling to graceful if invasive swan! Miggy went from someone who was always unintentionally stepping into the paths of oncoming runners to someone who can do a near-full split to keep a toe on the base, who can lunge surprisingly fast in any direction, who turns difficult plays with confidence.

His instincts are quite good now (for example, he can now tag the bag and throw home to get a lead runner without blinking). When you stop to think about it, it is remarkable, not that his instincts are good, but that he has managed to develop Real Actual First Baseman Instincts at all. A stirring testimony to the powers of dedication, hard work, and classical behavioral conditioning in professional athletes indeed.

Add to all this the guys that Gerald Laird has thrown out lately; the balls that Josh Anderson has run down and caught; the way that Polanco, though struggling offensively, can still make a difficult play look easy; and Verlander’s still-startlingly-sharp pick-off throws…. you know what that amounts to?

It amounts to a team that is wicked freakin’ fun to watch.

I suppose that it may on some level seem a little obvious, fundamentals, blah blah, but when you compare the way the team is playing the field right now with the way they were playing the field, say, at this time last season, I think it should be obvious how much good defense impacts my ability to watch a baseball game without making me want to throw forks at the TV. And that doesn’t even get into how much it helps the Tigers, y’know, actually win games…

an extra long game to welcome back Dontrelle

photo by Samara Pearlstein

That game was long, and I am tired. Also the outcome was miserable, and Joe Crede is a bad man who should be sent away. The announcers kept referring to him as a ‘tiger killer’. Do you know what they call tiger killers in the rest of the world? They call them POACHERS and they are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, because their tiger killing activities are ILLEGAL. If only we could be so enlightened in this country.

Anyways. Because I am yawntacular like that cat up top, we’re just gonna have bullet points tonight.

the GOOD:

–Dontrelle did not get the loss.

–Despite the fact that he gave up four runs in 4.2 innings, Dontrelle didn’t actually look THAT bad. He only walked two guys, and more than half of the pitches he threw were strikes. Since walks were a major component of his previous struggles, this is a good sign.

He also was sharply alert on the mound, including a rather nicely fielded comebacker that he turned into a double play. He did sort of rainbow the throw to second, and I guess he was kind of soft-lobbing to the bases all night (I didn’t see the start of the game due to work), which is a little worrisome, but… eh. In general he seemed confident on the mound. He got upset about bad pitches (or what he perceived as bad calls), and he seemed very upset when he was pulled from the game, but shortly after that he was joking around with guys on the bench, doing the handshakes and everything, so I think he was fine and I was happy to see it.

I am a sucker for Dontrelle smiling, I can admit it.

–The Vomcast High and Low Speed Pitches on Joel Zumaya (in an inning where he had yet to throw a breaking pitch) were 100 for the high, and 98 for the low. At one point he hit 101 on the FSN gun, and must have hit at least 100 on the ‘dome gun, because everyone in the crowd said, “Ooooooooo.”

–Home runs from Inge, Cabrera, and Larish. The balls hit by Inge and Cabrera were enormous. The Larish homer was not quite so big, but hey, they’re all the same distance in the box score.

–Adam Everett had a pretty good game, going 2-for-6 with two RBI (originally one RBI, but an error was taken off the board during the game, so he got the second one) and a stolen base. He was right in the thick of the Tiger rallies, providing offense in a slot from which we expect basically no offense.

–A stolen base and a triple for Granderson, who went 3-for-6 with a walk. He scored a (at the time go-ahead) run in the top of the 13th by edging down the third baseline and freaking Jesse Crain out enough to make him balk.

–After Joe Nathan had skipped a slider in the dirt that came up and hit catcher Mike Redmond right around the armpit, Rod Allen had this to say: “It bit him. Got some of that baby fat.”

–Matt Tolbert’s at-bat music is Zombie by the Cranberries. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? I mean, I am impressed, but also somewhat perplexed.

–Edwin Jackson and Ramon Santiago were sitting next to one another in the dugout, wearing rally caps. But neither one had done it properly. Jackson had basically folded his hat in half and set it far back on his head, so the brim was pointing straight up. Santiago’s hat was also sort of halved and set sideways on his head.

–Rod Allen, about the fact that Scott Baker and Justin Verlander (Thursday’s starters) were probably already home and in bed:

-Rod: “Probably at home… tucked in under the sheets, in their PJs.”

-[to Mario] “You don’t wear PJs, do you?”

-Mario: “Um…. no. Ha ha, that’s a loaded question, right there.”

-Rod: “You almost said yes! You almost said yes! I bet you do have some PJs in the hotel.

–Did Rod seriously call Sardinha ‘”the pineapple”? Did that really happen?

the BAD:

–Jim Leyland got ejected for screaming at homeplate ump Paul Schrieber. Magglio had just been called out and objected to that; he turned around to talk to Schrieber, who listened for like 0.3 seconds before putting his hand on Magglio’s back and pushing, as if to direct him back to the dugout. It was like what you do with Little Leaguers.

Leyland, naturally, took exception to this, and came exploding out of the dugout in a rage.

–The Tigers used everyone in the bullpen except, I think, for Nate. Zoom threw over 45 pitches, who knows when he’ll be available again. And Thursday is a day game, so the turnaround is extra short. If Verlander can be sickeningly efficient, this won’t much matter. If not… we may have problems.

–Bobby Seay was removed mid-batter (1-2 count) for no immediately discernible reason.

–Dontrelle, while not THAT bad, was also not quite THAT good. I mean, there WERE the four runs. In under five innings.

–Joe Crede. Brandon Lyon was real sad in the dugout after, all hanging his head and refusing to talk to anyone else on the team while they all made their way down into the clubhouse.

–Did Rod seriously call Sardinha ‘”the pineapple”? Did.. did that really happen?

Tigers welcome back their reptilian friend

photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Unbelievable. The second I return my attention to the Tigers, look who decides to mosey on over. By now we all know that the Spazzosaurus is with us always, usually just out of sight, waiting for his moment, but come on. This is a bit much.

Nate Robertson taking a relay throw off the thumb I could see, even though the team JUST told Zach Miner that he would no longer be competing for a starting spot. That brand of absurdity is typical for the Tigers these days. Adam Everett spraining his ankle I could see, even though he is still so new that I have not yet figured out a good way to render him in big-headed doodle form.

But… both at once? SPAZZOSAURUS, YOU WILY BEAST, I SEE YOUR CLAWMARKS ALL OVER THIS ONE.

Sigh.

Our pitching situation is still so up in the air that it is hard to say exactly what kind of impact Nate’s injury will have on the whole mess, if it ends up being an injury that actually has an impact. I don’t want to invoke The Porcello, but… well. Anyways, wouldn’t it be just perfect if this somehow jump-started Dontrelle into figuring himself out and he started pitching like a real big leaguer again? DARE TO DREAM!

If Everett is going to be hobbling around for any prolonged period of time, I expect that we’ll be enjoying a good amount of Ramon Santiago. Woohoo? At least it’s familiar?

This story also smacks vaguely of the Spazzosaurus, although I’m not precisely certain how. It just has that certain Spazzosaurus flavor about it, if you will.

Apparently the Detroit home opener is set to conflict with some particularly holy Good Friday hours. I am shocked and appalled. Clearly we cannot have a baseball game that clashes with an important religious date! I mean, how could anyone ask baseball players to be on the field during such a time? How could they ask fans to choose between their religious obligations and their baseball teams?

MLB would never, ever want to do such a thing. Of course not! That’s why there are never any baseball games on Yom Kippur, right?

Adam Everett set to become the latest striped cat without a bat

photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Some places are reporting this as a done deal, but it’s not official yet, so, as with last night’s Laird news, read on with the understanding that something might crop up at the last second and derail us all.

That said, it looks like the Tigers have signed Adam Everett, light-hitting shortstop extraordinaire, to a $1 million, one year deal.

Everett put up an OPS of .601 last year, which is… well, you know how sometimes you see a number and it’s so bad that you just burst out laughing? Like when Fernando was putting up those ERAs of 46.00 or whatever? An OPS of .601 is kind of like that. Everett had limited playing time in ’08, but his career numbers are not markedly better.

He does have the reputation of a really good defender, which is surely why we signed him. It is starting to look like the Tigers are taking a step back from their previous offseason moves, going away from offensive monsters like Cabrera (probably assuming that we’re as set with that as we can be at the moment) and instead shoring up the infield defense with guys like Laird and Everett and, yes, Inge back at third.

The Tigers have spent at least the last couple of offseasons bringing in sluggers, or guys they sincerely (and perhaps too optimistically) hoped would be sluggers. The concentration on defense right now is part immediate necessity– we had no shortstop, we had no catcher– and part a reaction to the kind of moves that have been made in winters recently past. We ALL know that the Tigs need to step it up when it comes to pitching next season, both starting and relieving, and wicked good infield defense will be a big help there.

Hell, not even wicked good… an infield defense that does not include Edgar Renteria at short and Carlos Guillen’s creaky old knees at third should be enough to be a (comparatively) big help.

Really the only worry I have is health. Sadly that is a not-inconsiderable concern, as Everett had a bloody lot of shoulder problems last year, and that is obviously REALLY BAD for a shortstop. If he can stay healthy– and unfortunately that’s a pretty big ‘if’– and if we assume right off the bat that he’s not going to hit, this should work out OK.

With that in mind, I’m generally a fan of this move. The contract is short and cheap, which is exactly what we were looking for, and Everett shouldn’t be so full of himself as to complain about splitting time with Santiago.

Perhaps most importantly, he’s also a dorky-lookin’ little guy, which should make for some fun ‘shops and cartoons.

(Hat tip on this one to Firebrand of the AL‘s Evan Brunell, who alerted me to the trade via text. Thanks, man.)