Category Archives: comic book

AMERICA


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Happy 4th of July weekend from Captain Paws, Brad ‘Bucky’ Ausmus, and Roar of the Tigers!

Action Jackson vs. The Evil Ivy


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

We’ve missed you, Austin Jackson. Please don’t leave us again any time soon.

Jose Valverde is a rock star.

Of the comic book Tigers scenarios we’ve seen so far, I expect this is the one most likely to become Real Life.

Brandon Inge saving the underwater city of Atlantis from certain destruction.


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Let’s just concentrate on this sort of thing for a bit.

pug marks 2/16, incredibly important Tigers things


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Austin Jackson climbing redwoods, OK. I actually tried to think of some reason behind this so that it would make a good post, but I couldn’t come up with anything. This is just what happens when it’s February and I haven’t seen baseball in forever and my fevered brain is crying out for sweet baseball relief. Austin Jackson climbing redwoods happens. You kind of signed up for this when you started reading this blog.

On to the paw prints!

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Brad Penny has declared that he is in favor of sartorial splendor, he is on the side of righteousness, he will wear his socks high forever and ever, amen.

[M]ost of the players are dedicated to the sock-less look — or else Daniel Schlereth wouldn’t have grabbed a pair of scissors as soon as he arrived at the clubhouse on Monday and cut through the elastic band at the bottom of his uniform pants.

The one holdout with the high sock look?

Brad Penny.

“I’ll never switch,” he said.
Tom Gage/Detroit News

That is exactly right, Brad Penny. You will never switch, and in fact you should do your best to convince other Tigers that it is only right to switch. There is no one true way to wear a baseball uniform, but all the correct ways to wear it involve high socks. FACT.

And shame on you, Daniel Schlereth! Shame.

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Jim Leyland likes to torment his pitchers. He believes that it’s the best way to get some of them involved in boring Spring Training exercises.

Remember Jim Leyland’s running challenge to Justin Verlander on PFP grounders in workouts last spring training? Leyland would crow whenever he got a ground ball past Verlander, who’s competitive enough that he wants to win at that. Kept waiting to see if they renewed the challenge Monday, the first day of spring workouts, but Leyland found a new target for his fun: Jose Valverde.

“I set you up, baby! And I can do it again if I want,” Leyland bragged when he got a tricky ground ball past his closer.

“Anytime I want. Just a little on, a little off,” he said after another one.
Jason Beck

This is the kind of psychology you use on five-year olds– turning a mundane task into a competitive game so they are tricked into approaching the task with enthusiasm and increased effort– but everyone knows that professional baseball players are developmentally similar to five-year olds in a number of ways. Jim Leyland is a genius.

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In the same post Beck notes that Max St. Pierre is still alive and playing Tigers baseball. He also speculates about the bullpen hair situation for the coming season. His guess is that it will be all about the beard this year. I could live with that.

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Scott Pickens has his St. Bernard Wallace back at camp again this year. A couple of days ago, Tom Gage posted this:

Speaking of dogs, big ol’ Wallace – the 140-pound St. Bernard of bullpen catcher Scott Pickens – let lively pup Diego know who’s boss on Monday.

Also a St. Bernard belonging to Pickens, Diego spent about an hour on the disabled list.

Just a minor mix-up between Saints, that’s all.
Tom Gage/Detroit News

A SECOND ST. BERNARD?? And then there was a PHOTO! Yes, look at them! Those are Brad Penny’s Very Pale Legs, but look at the dogs! Look! LOOK! LOOK AT DIEGO OH MY GOODNESS. You are looking at a creature that demands by its very existence infinite cuddles.

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Robbie Weinhardt has snatched up Bondo’s number. I have to admit that it’s going to be weird to see a non-Bondo Tiger wearing #38.

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The Axis of Evil had some words with Patrick Leyland, who is in Lakeland this year as an actual Tigers prospect, instead of just hanging around as the coach’s kid. I’ll bet Jim Leyland feels super old right now.

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The Mothership’s blog has been posting a photo (or several photos) of the day for a while now, and the February 7th post showcased Truck Day. Now, Truck Day in Boston is a public event, where people go down to the stadium to watch the truck get loaded in the freezing cold (seriously) (I was there a couple years ago), so I was kind of sad to see the Detroit truck getting loaded up without any fans around to wave it off.

But Paws in a box made it all better.

Miguel Cabrera, IN SPACE


illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Short-haired Miggy, since that’s what he was rockin’ in the last photos I’d seen of him. Not much else to add to the title, really.

This is your brain; this is your brain on offseason.

the pitchers have superpowers, pt 6: Armando Galarraga


illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Thus far we have encountered Tigers pitchers who have some measure of control over light, or heat energy, or sound, or time, or, uh, dead flesh. But this is something different.

Armando Galarraga has amazing sonic powers. All those vowels and rollable Rs in his name make it a perfect weapon when shouted by someone who can control the power of sound. Do you doubt the things that may be done with the power of sound? Experience a sonic boom, and know the might of Armando.

His power is carefully monitored by the league, so that they may be sure that he is not secretly whistling behind the ball during games to give it some extra oomph. That would be illegal, obviously. And he is not supposed to amplify the voices of, say, opposing base coaches so that they inadvertently broadcast their verbal signals all over the infield. If he sometimes surreptitiously boosts Ozzie Guillen’s voice a little so that he gets in trouble for what he’s saying, though… well, nobody will hold that against him. Except for Ozzie Guillen. That’s OK, Verlander and his fireballs can offer some protection.

Armando’s sound-canceling abilities are really just as impressive as his sound-amplifying and offensive-sound-blasting abilities. Tempting as it may be, he is not supposed to use his powers to strip the sound from opposing managers, rendering them unable to scream orders at their own players. But the league does allow him to whistle a little white noise around himself, which is very useful when it comes to handling loud and irate opposing crowds. Yankee fan chants have no effect on Armando. He doesn’t have to waste brain cells trying to ignore them; he just tunes them out in the most literal sense.

The ability to hold forth at Team Karaoke Night without having to use the karaoke machine microphone? That’s just a bonus.