Category Archives: Delmon Young

Things of late, as Terrible Cartoons, of course.

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

I’m just going to lead with that one because it makes me happy in my optic nerves. Everyone in the wide world of Tigers fans has his or her own opinion about the team. There is naturally a great deal of disagreement. But there is one thing upon which we can all agree, one thing that may be safely and universally acknowledged as an unequivocally beautiful sight: Alex Avila, pleased with his own walk-off hit, being doused in purple Gatorade by an almost unhealthily giddy Papa Grande. It is a fine thing, a fine thing indeed.

Especially when Avila’s jersey then gets all wet and it’s all sticking to his torso and it’s a home jersey so it’s white and bits get translucent when soaked, and you get all mad at FSD for not getting longer and more torso-inclusive shots post-soaking, and now I’ve said too much. Thank you, Papa Grande.

This keeps on happening, and I suppose it too is a fine thing. Every silver lining, of course, has its cloud, and Scherzer’s high K-counts are still tagging along with the logically attendant high pitch counts, but for now we will accept it.

Doug Fister injured his groin. The jokes came thick and fast and inevitably. Everyone is just real sorry about that, Mister Fister, but what do you expect from us? We are baseball fans. We are all ten years old.

Miguel Cabrera’s ankle has been sore for a while, and Leyland is finally paying attention, giving him some DH time and just now a day off. I haven’t seen anything more specific than “sore” to describe the State of Miggy’s Ankle, aside from this Mothership blurb earlier in the month:

During the Boston series, Miguel Cabrera fouled a ball off his left shin and, as a result, the third baseman has been experiencing some “drainage” in his ankle, head athletic trainer Kevin Rand said on Sunday morning.

“He’s just getting some drainage in his ankle from that,” Rand said. “His [lower] leg gets sore just the more he’s on it.”
Jason Beck/Anthony Odoardi,

What in the world does that mean? How can an ankle be experiencing ‘drainage’? That sounds anatomically difficult and worrying. I cannot know, I can only draw.

Drew Smyly is back! He got a spot start and should be sticking around in the bullpen even when he gets bumped from the rotation.

The persistence of Delmon Young’s mustache should be a source of concern for us all. But he has also been on a bit of a hitting tear lately. Does this… does this mean that the mustache is actually doing the hitting for him?? I think this is a possibility that we need to deeply consider. It would explain how that upper lip d├ęcor has hung around this long, despite (what must surely be) the strong recommendations of everyone who knows Delmon personally and also has eyes.

Just throwing this one in for good luck. The mantises have been back in attendance, all over MLB, and yes, they have been spotted– and occasionally photographed— in Detroit. Praise be!

Down with the DY Stache, Up with the JV K

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Stop the rampant, wanton abuse of innocent baseball fan eyeballs. End the suffering of teammates, family, friends, unwary bystanders. Help raise awareness of this terrible blight upon Detroit and all who must play against them. Think of the kittens.

Take action against this unjustifiable crime. Speak up and out! Delmon Young, you need to stop whatever it is that you’re doing with that mustache right this very instant.

In happier news, this

was a thing that happened.

Cartoons to sigh disgustedly over.

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

The Oakland A’s picked up Brandon Inge. I am not sure what this says about MLB– that the Tigers were so absolutely fed up with his inability to play the game of baseball that the literal decade of goodwill he’d built up was no longer enough, forcing them to release him, and he STILL gets signed by some other team– like, what does a tenure-type dude have to do to NOT have a job in baseball?– but whatever.

It’s just not right. He hasn’t even been wearing his socks up, as if he too keenly feels the inherent wrongness of this.

And then, of course…


I don’t even want to get into the antisemitism aspect of the incident, because it IS still just an allegation at this point, and accusing someone of a hate crime is Serious Business. But I think it is beyond debate that Delmon was drunk as hell and got himself involved in some sort of altercation, so the cartoons stand as is for now.


In other news, the art world has been all in a lather because a pastel version of Edvard Munch’s The Scream was just sold for $120 million, making it the most expensive piece of art ever to hit an auction. This says all sorts of terri-mazing things about the art world, commodification, wealth distribution (and lack thereof), the impact of the economy on the secondary art market (and weird lack thereof), etc… but I was unable to keep myself from repeatedly thinking of this old friend of ours:

I are srs artist.

Anyways, I expect we are all more than happy to see the back end of April now.

the Tigers win at injuries

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

It is truly a remarkable thing. First Delmon Young strained his oblique. Then Magglio Ordonez rebroke his ankle. The Tigers found themselves suddenly lacking in outfielders, since Brennan Boesch is out with his thumb thing. Ryan Raburn was already going to get playing time because of Delmon. Don Kelly was already on the roster, and needed to be free to sub in all over the place. Andy Dirks should not get regular postseason at-bats at this point in his career. So who would step in for Magglio?

DUH. Just reactivate Delmon! He can swing but not throw, so it’s basically business as usual! That totally makes sense! It’s not like he was injured wicked recently or anything! He’s had plenty of time to heal up! We all know how quickly and thoroughly oblique injuries heal, especially when you start playing on them again as soon as possible!

I don’t blame this for Game 2. Many things factored in, and the game did go to extras, so the Tigers were playing things close. In the ALDS, they were winning very close games. Now they are losing very close games. Nobody can count on always getting the win when the win depends on a single run; that leaves far too much room for luck to come into it, and in short (non-162 game) series, you want to eliminate the element of luck as much as you possibly can. The Tigers have not really done that. The absence of Delmon and Magglio was felt, but not intrinsic to the gut-wrenching walkoff loss.

Ugh. Magglio may be done. Like, maybe forever this time. He thought his ankle was healed, but clearly that was not the case. Then again, if his ankle felt fine, and all his tests came back clean, how long was he supposed to wait before playing on it again? His body apparently wants him to wait FOREVER. His bones have become brittle and unreliable. I find it hard to believe he can come back when his ankles are literally snapping beneath him on the field. Behold as he limps off into the sunset.

Please do not let this become a metaphor for the season, Tigers. Please.

what to do in the ALDS

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Win, but terrify everyone first.

It is difficult to discuss these last two games in any coherent way. We survived them, obviously, but now when I try to force my brain in that direction, it just starts gibbering and screaming nonwords into my skull. First there was the ASFDGLIJA; and then there was the GGGLARLIASLDFJK and then they all ASDL;KFJAS;DLKFJSWS!!!

It all started with the rainout, which was continued with the incredibly painful loss. Then Max Scherzer pitched so well for 6 innings, and the bullpen VERY NEARLY lost it, and Papa Grande threw ALL THE PITCHES but somehow the Tigers scraped through.

The game was briefly and horrifyingly prolonged when Alex Avila, pursuing a foul ball that should have been the last out of the game, slipped on the stupid Yankee Stadium on deck circle patch and fell down, missing the ball. Unlike Comerica or, say, Fenway Park– CIVILIZED ballparks– the on deck circles in New York are these rubbery Yankee logo’d things. When it rains, they get slick. Then they become HAZARDS and DANGERS and they should be BANNED because the Yankees are FILTHY BALLPARK CHEATERS.

Anyways, the Tigers got out of that one, but it should not have been quite so drama-laden. Death to the Yankee Stadium on deck circles. AS IF ALEX AVILA HAS NOT HAD TO DEAL WITH ENOUGH THIS SEASON.

Tonight Verlander was not at his sharpest (neither was Sabathia, who gave up the same number of runs but lasted only 5.1 innings to Verlander’s 8. Rain situations like the one that started this series ruin everything for everyone). The Yankees tied the game up in the top of the 7th. The crowd was stunned, appalled, filled with a sense of foreboding and dread.

But Delmon Young stepped up in the bottom of the inning and hit a ball over the wall, all YAY DETROIT and TAKE THAT YANKEES ON BEHALF OF MY TWINKIE SERVICE. If you were watching, you know what it was like. If you were not, I cannot describe to you the sense of relief this home run generated. The game was not yet over, but to get the lead back after everything had seemed to be slipping irrevocably away… holy cats.

And then there was Papa Grande, tired out after those many, many pitches in the previous night’s efforts. He threw a ball that almost murdered Derek Jeter in the head, but he recovered for the save and the Tigers win. He did not do much of a dance, but he did make a fancy upward motion with his arms that gestured to the sky and pulled his jersey out of his pants at the same time.

This is what I have been like while watching the games:

FredFred tomorrow. No matter what happens, remember: he’s still just a kitten. Be nice to him. Go Tigers.

a slight switch of uniform

Now just imagine that Carlos throws him a spare jersey. Photo by Samara Pearlstein

–The Tigers got Delmon Young. This was a waiver wire deal that was then worked into a trade. DYoung the Second for lefty Cole Nelson (21 years old, at high-A Lakeland) and a Dude to be Named Later. There was some Internet Chatter about the DTBNL being someone the Tigers weren’t happy moving, but who knows.

When DYII showed up in the Tigers clubhouse today, some of the other Tigers were angry because they thought he was violating baseball protocol by waltzing into the opposing team’s space. They had no idea he’d been traded to Detroit. Of course, with the Tigers playing the Twins, all DYII had to do was stroll across the hall to join his new squad.

–In his very first at-bat for the Tigers, DYII hit a home run against his very-recent former team. He later made a nice running catch in the outfield, and also got to see Jim Thome’s 600th home run fly right over his head.

–Yeah, Jim Thome hit homers #599 and #600 in Comerica. Good for him and so on, but I think we all wish he’d done it somewhere else. Even against the Tigers but in Minneapolis would have been preferable.

–Will Rhymes was up yesterday because Carlos Guillen has been placed on the DL with Old Man Wrist. Today he was back in Toledo, sent down to make room for DYII. This is particularly harsh because, well, what is the point of Magglio right now? Can’t the Tigers come up with some sort of injury for him too?

Boesch is expected to get lots of playing time when he returns. Obviously Action Jackson has center field. With DYII in Detroit, Magglio is going to see his playing time (hopefully drastically) reduced. But he gets to stick around while Rhymes gets the fast track back to Muddy.

–At least he has a sense of humor about it. Laughing instead of crying, or maybe crying while laughing, but also Tweeting.

–The Rhino also displayed a sense of humor today. He had made a couple of really bad defensive plays. One should have been a double play, but Raburn somehow sat down at second base instead and only got one out. I forget offhand what the other one was but he looked real silly doing it.

He finally made a catch and throw without screwing up one or more parts of the play, and the crowd responded with a very, very obviously sarcastic cheer. Instead of sulking, or even just ignoring it, the Rhino gave a small, guilty smile and tipped his cap a tiny bit.

–Who is honestly surprised that Carlos Guillen is back on the DL? Show me that person. We have many questions to ask them.

–Even though Brennan Boesch was not supposed to be back from his thumb injury until Tuesday at the earliest, he pinch hit in Sunday’s desperate and ultimately unsuccessful comeback scramble. He came up to bat with what looked like a piece of foam actually taped in place on top of his glove. SPORT SCIENCE.

–Alex Avila is some sort of superhero. He keeps getting abused behind the plate, either by his own pitchers, or through the cruel medium of foul balls. Today he blocked the plate on an attempted inside-the-park home run and got blown up, but held onto the ball for the out. He also went 3-for-4 with a single, double, and triple. Alex Avila, the catcher, hit a triple.

Avila has caught 36 of the past 39 Tigers games. He’s caught 12 of the last 13. He’s caught the last 10 in a row. And that doesn’t count the All Star game, in which he also played.

I know he’s young and in good shape and can take a lot of abuse because of that, but this is getting RIDICULOUS. I understand that Victor Martinez is semi-injured and the Tigers are unwilling to make a move to bring up a spare catcher, but this can’t go on. I don’t care how emergency Don Kelly is supposed to be: put him in there for a game. That potential mass of comedy mishaps would be the price you have to pay if you’re not willing to call up a more legitimate backup.