Category Archives: Dusty Ryan

little Tigers leaving on little tiger paws


a thing by Samara Pearlstein

Matt Treanor signed a minor league deal with the Brewers.

Brent Clevlen signed a little-cat deal with the Braves.

Dusty Ryan was DFA’d. ETA: He was signed by the Padres.

And poor Freddy Dolsi was claimed off of waivers by the filthy, filthy Wrong Sox.

TRAGEDY! Calamity! Senseless trimming of the roster! What a waste of player resources, what a mind-boggling series of bad moves, one really had to wonder what in the hell Dave Dombrowski is thinking, letting these guys slip through the cracks. Doesn’t he care about WINNING?? Doesn’t he care about THE TIGERS?!?!?!

Matt Treanor, with his awesome wife! Brent Clevlen, with his midwestern name! Dusty Ryan, with his dustiness! Freddy Dolsi, with his 1.69 ERA! O the horror, the terror, the madness, most especially the madness!! How can we live in a world where this is allowed to happen? How can we continue to make sense of this team, this front office, our own senses of self???

ALL IS LOST! ALL IS DARKNESS! Rebuilding year! REEEE BUILDIIIIIIIINNNGGGG YEEEEAAAARRRR!

Ha ha, just kidding, of course! Nobody cares.

September call-ups? For me?!

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Gosh, Muddy, you shouldn’t have gone to all that trouble! Let’s tear off that paper and have a look at what’s in the box…

Jeremy Bonderman

It’s always good to have unstoppable flesh-eating zombie death power on our side, so the addition of Bondo ought to be a welcome one. If the Wrong Sox get pushy in the last month of the season, we can just tell him that AJ Pierzynski has spicy, spicy brains, and he’ll go gnaw ’em right out. Let the fear consume you, AL Central.

His fastball is allegedly back (he was throwing 95ish in rehab starts) (so we are told), which, if true, would be something that we haven’t seen in literal years. Here’s a potentially terrifying thought, though: he’ll be pitching out of the bullpen, so EVERY inning, for him, will be like a first inning. The physical issues have ostensibly been defeated; can the same be said of the mental issues?

Eddie Bonine

The Bovine Kid returns! As you may or may not recall, he was the cat sent packing to make room for Aubrey Huff, who has not done much of anything since he threw dirt in Brandon Inge’s face, and that was before he was a Tiger. Now Bonine gets to come back and exact his revenge. I vote for filling Huff’s entire locker with dirt. As Huff digs out his belongings, a Jack-in-the-box-style toy cow with devil’s horns pops out and hits him in the nose. Don’t mess with the Bovine kid.

Casey Fien

Fien replaced Bonine the first time, back in July. He has the powers of a sea cucumber: the ability to change his body from a solid to a viscous liquid and back again at will, the ability to control his own buoyancy, and the ability to vomit up or poop out his own internal organs to frighten opposing teams. His blood is yellow. He will be a fine addition to the bullpen.

Dusty Ryan

It’s always nice to have extra catchers, but unfortunately for Dusty Ryan, there’s a little somethin’ on the Detroit rosters these days called Alex The Savior Avila. Avila brings a sort of glamor to the backup catcher role that Dusty Ryan can barely even imagine. Avila has a Good Story and an inability to remain clean-shaven for any length of time and his dad is a member of the front office, so… good luck with that, Dusty, you poor sod.

Wilkin Ramirez

A little outfielder, he was up briefly earlier this year when Magglio had some personal stuff that temporarily took him away from the team. He hasn’t been hitting super well in Toledo, but he’s got 17 home runs, and in his two games with the Tigers, he had one homer (his first and so far only big league hit was the homer, actually). He’s also pretty speedy. I guess that’s not a bad thing to have on the bench.

I shall call him Mr. Wilkin.

Brent Dlugach

Rod and Mario were pronouncing this one dih’LOO-gitch (short i sound on the ‘dih’), with that wee ‘dih’ almost elided away. He’s a shortstop. I hope he ends up playing in a nationally televised game at some point, because I look forward to hearing non-Detroit announcers crashing through his name like a drunk tiger in a china shop where all the china is actually made out of eggshells that are extra-thin because the birds that laid them were all eating DDT.

Armando Galarraga

Arrrrrrrrrmando needs no introduction. He also won’t be back up until Saturday, because he has to spend at least ten days with the kids. Them’s the rules.

Pretty good haul, right? Thanks again, Mud Hens! Hopefully we’ll be putting them all to good use soon enough.

Dombrowski snags another Fish; looks like Treanor will be a Tiger

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Dave Dombrowski must truly love his big teal finny friends. Perhaps he is trying to stave off the freezing Michigan winter by turning Detroit into Florida-mark-II. Perhaps he has a deep love of women’s beach volleyball. Or maybe…. just maybe… the Tigers really needed a backup catcher. That last is the least likely of possibilities, of course, but I throw it in there just for the sake of completeness.

Word on the electric street is Matt Treanor, one year, $750,000. This is not yet (just past midnight Wednesday night/Thursday morning) official, but it sure sounds like it soon will be.

I’m fine with it. He can’t hit, but no one would expect him to do so. He’s supposed to be very good with pitchers, and with the amount of mental gidgetry going on in our rotation and bullpen, any and all potentially stabilizing influences will be MOST welcome. He’ll be 33 years old and had hip surgery at the end of last season, but he won’t be behind the plate too often (since he’ll be a true backup, not a platoon) (unless it all goes to hell in a cat carrier some time in May) (which is entirely possible).

He’s also pretty cheap. S’all good.

Worst comes to worst, we’ll have Dusty Ryan stashed down in Toledo, which is apparently exactly where Dombrowski wants him. I do agree that some more triple-A seasoning wouldn’t hurt, but we’ve seen that Dusty can at least perform at a basic level in the majors without screaming, running away, or peeing his sliding shorts. That is vaguely comforting.

So. Shortstop: check. Catcher, starting: check. Catcher, backup: check. Possible starter, fifth: check. Bullpen: erm.

Better get back to that fishing pole, Mr. Dombrowski. You can say it as many times as you like, but you have not convinced and will not convince me that Fernando Rodney is a sufficient answer.

Tigers bid a fond farewell to the Gopher Dome for the season


photo illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Later, Gopher Dome! We hate you and are not at all sorry to leave you.

On a more sincere note: wins! Two wins in a row, even. It seems unbelievable but it is Real Actual Fact!

Saturday was a stressful win, although it only really got stressful at the very end. Verlander’s day was just about the definition of ‘eh’: 5.2 innings, 4 runs on 8 hits and 4 walks with 4 Ks. Not up to his former standards and not a quality start, but decidedly better than his last outing, so we’ll call it a wash. It was enough to keep the Tigers in the game, anyways.

Magglio went absolutely bat-guano crazy, falling just a single short of the cycle, with his double and triple coming off of Baker and his homer off of Guerrier. It’s so weird to think that Magglio has not been able to help the team more than he has this season… he is batting .319, after all. But his OPS is only .874. Compare that to last season, where his OPS was (an admittedly astronomical) 1.029…

The stress came in the form of Fernando Rodney, of course, who pitched the 9th inning and shaved at least half a year off of all our lives. Cats forbid we have a nice, easily-closed-out game. No, first we have to LOAD THE FREAKING BASES, and only then can we close the game. Is Fernando Rodney the new Todd Jones? Rollercoaster Rodney? He handled Sunday’s final inning just fine, so maybe he’s learning.

Sunday! Yes, that second win! Chris Lambert’s VERY FIRST EVER Major League win! Awwwwww yay. It is basically meaningless, but I’m happy we were able to get at least one for the poor kid. He may as well get something positive out of the horrible situations we keep forcing him to experience. I didn’t actually see most of his day, because I was watching the Lions game. Why? Because I am an idiot and a masochist, apparently. Let’s not talk about it. More baseball.

Howzabout our title image dude up there, Dusty Ryan? This was his first ever Major League start (awww, yay) and he hit his first ever Major League home run (awww, extra yay!). It was particularly fun watching him play opposite Joe Mauer – it was like The Oversized Catcher Extravaganza out there. There were a couple of stolen bases against him, but Lambert is not exactly Justin Verlander when it comes to his move, so, whatever.

The Farns was throwing up around 99-100 today. I think it’s the first time I’ve seen him topping out his velocity since he’s been back with us. Not sure what that’s all about.

The Race to .500!

With these two wins, the Tigers now need 12 wins to reach the promised land, and we still have 7 losses left to spare. The joys of .500 still seem so very far away.

We’re back home in Detroit for Monday’s game, takin’ on the A’s at 7:05 pm EDT. Zach Miner vs. Gio Gonzalez. This is a rare instance where the opposing pitcher is actually much worse (on paper) than the Tigers starter for the day, so it would be nice to take full advantage of that… but Gio’s got the dread Small Sample Size hanging over his head, so who knows, he could surprise and torment us, as has happened so many times this season. Ho hum. Go Tigers!