Category Archives: Gibby

downed by Diamondbacks

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

First, and most importantly: VOTE AVILA. We are nearing the end! Voting finishes up this coming Thursday! This is your last weekend to sit in front of the computer making throwaway email address after email address, voting for Alex Avila over and over again, as if it is your only function in life. There can be no finer possible use of your time.

Now, the actual game…

Kirk Gibson will eat your face, but only after he has punched it enough to tenderize it.

I don’t know, obviously this was not a good game. There aren’t any articles containing quotes up yet, but according to a bunch of Tigers writers on The Twitters Phil Coke was all depressed after the game, saying he was ashamed of his performance and so on. You know how Phil Coke gets after a bad start. We can only hope that someone stopped his spiral of depression and self-recrimination by giving him a hug and telling him that it will all be ok.

Of course there was an error in there contributing to the Diamondback comeback, and of course it was a Ryan Raburn error. I will not comment further on that.

Ryan Perry and Brandon Inge are both back with the team (Adam Wilk and Danny Worth sent down respectively). Brandon was 1-for-4 tonight with a single, which is, you know, whatever. But Perry! (deep breath)

He went 2.1 innings, allowed 1 hit and 1 walk, and struck out two. If you didn’t see this game, you’re thinking, Hey, that’s great! Well, I hate to dump sewage on your cornflakes, but it was not great. He inherited two runners from Phil Coke, and he let one score on his watch, so even though the box score says he didn’t give up any runs, he actually kind of DID. Also, more egregiously, he NEARLY INJURED ALEX AVILA.

It was a wild pitch that bounced in the dirt behind home plate. The ball appeared to ricochet off of Avila, bouncing far enough to bring the tying run home. Terrible. Avila popped up in pursuit right away, so at first it seemed like it had maybe hit padding, but after the play was over he squatted down all curled up around his wrist, and Kevin Rand had to come running out, and it was clear that there was a whole lot of pain involved. They spent a long time flexing Avila’s hand and testing his grip and so on. The camera had a good angle on all of this so we got to see Avila grimacing dramatically.

In that terrible moment I swore that if Ryan Perry had injured Alex Avila, I was going to do SOME SORT OF THING.

Avila ended up staying in the game. He looked a little tender fielding the next pitch, but after that he seemed ok. They had a quick shot of him in the dugout with the trainer after the inning, where it looked like he was getting Advil or somesuch. He had two more at-bats after the beaning and flew out in both of them, but at least he was making contact. He’ll be ok, because if he is not ok Ryan Perry is going to be attacked by a mob of kittens with razor sharp milkteeth and infuriatingly prickly needleclaws.

The big blow was a Wily Mo Pena home run that traveled about five thousand feet. This IS what Wily Mo Pena does, but it had been a long time since I had seen it in action, so it was rather startling. The official distance was 454 feet, the third longest home run in Comerica Park history.

I decided to take a look in my archives and see if I had any photos of Wily Mo Pena from his days in Boston, and came up with this:

photo by Samara Pearlstein


Tigers win, Toledo takes Ni, and other such tales.

illustration by Samara Pearlstein (click for bigger)

I realize that I am a little late on the ‘Fu-Te Ni is sent to Toledo’ news, but it’s because that news upset me so much and I needed some time to deal with it on my own. I know that his ERA in the month of June is, like, 20.00. Do you think that matters to me? No, it does not, because my love for Fu-Te Ni is beautiful and pure and untainted by things like a logical consideration of his pitching statistics.

Anyways, he’s in Toledo now, hanging out with Rick Porcello and his companion donkey Ryan Perry. Daniel Schlereth was called up to take his place. I was hoping Schlereth would pitch tonight, because it’s doubtful I’ll see much baseball over the holiday weekend, but no such luck. So right now Fu-Te Ni has been replaced by A YAWNING VOID for all I know, which does not, of course, do anything to ease my pain.

Damn you, Muddy. Damn you.

–Max Scherzer pitched really well tonight. Like, really, really well. The definition of ‘really well’ that includes eight innings of one-run ball. I will admit that when he was over 100 pitches after the 7th, and Leyland sent him out to pitch the 8th, I almost ripped my own teeth out in frustration. WHY DO YOU DO THIS JIM WHY WHY WHY. Scherzer got out of the inning unscathed (easily, even) and made Leyland look smart, but I still hate it.

–Further ruminations on Max Scherzer’s super powers: with the blue eye Max Scherzer gazes into the future, with the brown eye he sees into the past. Where the two fields of vision overlap, he sees the present, but in extra dimensions. This is how he can tell that Joe Mauer is an evil robot.

–Brennan Boesch is a beast, a machine, a beaschine. A beaschine who is apparently trying to grow a beard right now. This is either an attempt to look older or an attempt to compete with the Verlander/Avila BeardMasters. Both are losing battles.

–Miguel Cabrera spent the night on the bench because his back was tight/stiff/sore. This could have been dire news indeed for the lineup, but the bats managed to do sufficient damage to keep his absence from being too keenly felt. Of course it helped that these are the Mariners, and neither Cliff Lee nor King Felix was pitching in the game. Miggy is the always aggravating ‘day-to-day’.

–They aren’t making Brandon League wear the full sleeves to cover his arms anymore?

Brandon Inge, ladies and gentlecats. Professional athlete, public figure, role model.

–While I’m at it, here’s Fu-Te Ni in a charity fashion show. Do I adore it? Is Paws mostly orange?

–Our old friend and fellow lover of a good brawl, Kirk Gibson, is now managing the Arizona Diamondbacks, after they fired everyone else. Gibby, managing the team. I KNOW. If they don’t start winning games, he’s going to start breaking legs over there.

–I finally got all the photos from that Tigers/Mets game on the magical internets. They can be found right over here, if you’re interested. Lots of photos. Lots. Many.

Kirk Gibson is my hero.

This does not require additional comment.

Even as a former football player, Tigers hitting coach Kirk Gibson wouldn’t grade Farnsworth’s take-down of Affeldt. But he did get a kick out of how manager Alan Trammell waded into the melee as a peacekeeper, only to get pushed around and slapped the way Sparky Anderson did during an infamous 1982 brawl against the Twins.

“We made so much fun of Sparky back then,” Gibson said. “We’d tell him ‘just stay out of it’ — but there was Tram in this one, he was up, he was down, he lost his glasses, he got spiked on the head. I say this knowing he’s OK, but that was my favorite part.”
Detroit News

*insert violent giggling here*