Granderson back in town and the Pawsfather

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Ugh, this stupid game.

–So Curtis Granderson came back to Comerica. Maybe I missed it, but I don’t think I heard his name announced over the PA system for his first at-bat… as a result, there was almost no reaction from the crowd. Perhaps some light cheering, but no ovation, no booing, no loud acknowledgment either way. I was kind of disappointed, as I’d been hoping he would get a big Detroit cheer. I would’ve cheered him.

Grandy went 0-for-3 with two walks in his return. He scored a run. He also overslid the bag and was therefore caught stealing in the 9th inning. Very weird, unGrandyish game, really.

–Verlander threw an insane number of pitches. His outing, so far this season, was second only to a 130 pitch game thrown by Roy Halladay earlier in the year. You think, oh, well, ok, if we’re talking about Verlander and Halladay in the same breath, it has to be a positive thing. YOUR THOUGHTS ARE WRONG. The difference is that 130 pitches carried Halladay through 8.2 innings, while 127 got Verlander through 6.

Now, I’m not saying Justin has to be Roy Halladay every time he goes out there. But if we’re going to be talking about 125+ pitches as a good thing… Roy Halladay or bust, ok? Verlander is already throwing more pitches than anybody else in MLB; if that’s the way it’s gonna be, I at least want that stupid profusion of pitches to be used EFFICIENTLY, and not just wasted in walks to freakin’ Jorge Posada.

–Alex Avila was a bright spot. He threw out two baserunners (Granderson and Jeter) and hit two home runs all by his own self. Both homers went to almost the exact same spot in the bullpen, and both were big enough to be beyond all doubt. (He also had an ugly passed ball that resulted in a run, and may have been partially [but definitely not wholly] Jose Valverde’s fault, but let’s ignore that for the moment.)

You hit two home runs in one game, you get a cartoon.

–Miguel Cabrera was 3-for-4 with an RBI. None of those hits went for extra bases, but I am still starting to worry that the more he does this, and the more the rest of the lineup proves its futility (despite temporary exceptions like Avila’s power surge, or the random fact that Ramon Santiago has Bartolo Colon’s number), he’s never going to see another pitch again.

–Speaking of, I am pretty sure that Ramon Santiago has compromising photos of Bartolo Colon, a large ruminant mammal, and a tub of peanut butter. He is 11-for-20 against Colon. That’s a .550 batting average. There is no other explanation.

–Will Rhymes has been sent down to Toledo. Scott Sizemore has been called up. Sizemore had been hitting over .400 for the Mud Hens, with extra base hits galore. Triple A is not the big leagues etc etc, but since poor Will was hitting .221 with an OPS of .556, the hope is that even a Sizemore being cut back down to size will manage more production than that.

–Thursday is Paws’ Sweet 16 Birthday Party at the ballpark. As part of the celebration, a bunch of his ‘mascot friends’ will be in the house, including his father. Yeah. PAWS HAS A FATHER.

No word on the big cat’s name, or where his mother may be, but the following photo is courtesy of the Tigers and will help prepare you for the glory:

Look at his dad-stache! His straw hat! The slightly disturbing fact that he gets shorts while Paws still has to go pantsless! HIS DAD-STACHE!

If there is no Paws mom, I vote we hook Mr. Dad Paws up with Phoebe Phanatic, the Philly Phanatic’s mother. She shows up fairly often, but there appears to be no Phanatic Phather, so this seems like it could be a match made in mascot heaven.

So Curtis Granderson was on the Martha Stewart Show.

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

I repeat: Curtis Granderson was on the Martha Stewart Show. And I watched it. I know that he isn’t ours anymore, but he’s still Curtis Granderson. Due to my very strange work schedule I was actually home while it aired, and I just… Curtis Granderson on Martha Stewart. I had to see.

Here’s how it went:

(First I had to find what channel the show was on, and then I had to find out what number that was, because I have never watched anything on that channel in my life. The ‘Hallmark channel’, really? REALLY? Apparently so. We begin!)

–Martha Stewart is a Yankees fan. She calls Granderson one of their ‘best offensive players’ and says that he is her favorite player.

–Granderson comes out, wearing a purple striped shirt. I nearly tear up. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE SENT AWAY FROM US, CURTIS, WHY. They hug. WHY.

–They ‘met’ on Opening Day this year. Martha Stewart was sitting right behind the Yankee dugout, because she is such a huge freaking Yankees fan. Remember kids, when you buy Martha Stewart products, you support Yankee fans. Think about that. Anyways, he was having trouble with his batting gloves, so she called him over and fixed the velcro for him. This is a true thing that actually happened.

–While at the game she apparently tweeted a photo of him taken from her seats. Because she’s right behind the dugout and Granderson is facing the field, all you see is his back.
Martha Stewart: “I tweeted ‘nice backside’ or something, and oh, did I get in trouble.”
Granderson: “Is that why you like those seats right there?”

–“I wanted you to be on the show last year, but you had an indescribable groin injury.”

–On the subject of the Yankees not making the World Series, Granderson says that everyone either hates them and wants to watch them lose, or loves them and wants to watch them win, so when they’re out of it “everyone is like, ‘what do we do now’?”

–His mom knows that he’s on the show today. She’s got her cell phone out, her Facebook out, she’s ready.

–He’s going to go home to Chicago for Thanksgiving. They have a normal Thanksgiving meal with just family, 6 or 8 people, and then they have a second meal where all of Curtis’ buddies show up. His mom has to have two fridges, one with food for the family and one with food for all of his bottomless pit friends.

–They’re cooking macaroni and cheese. Martha Stewart is showing him how to make a crispy cheese for the topping, spreading it over this pan. Granderson says that she has to give him good instructions, because he won’t know how to do it otherwise. She says it’s easy, you just use your sil-pan.

Hilarious panic on the face of Curtis Granderson, as he tries to figure out what the hell a ‘sil-pan’ is, and if it’s outrageous for him to not know.

“Do you have a sil-pan?”
“Uhhhhhh.”

Martha Stewart declares that she will give him a sil-pan, because gifts are great. Turns out it’s just a pan with a sheet of silicone on it; in this particular case you bake the cheese on it, then can break it up easily into delicious cheesy crumbles because it’s on silicone instead of, I dunno, tinfoil or whatever. Don’t feel bad Curtis, I had no idea what it was either.

–She tells him to grate a half-cup of gruyere into a bowl. He asks how he should measure this, she tells him to eyeball it. More panic on the face of Curtis Granderson, as it is clear that he has no idea what a half-cup of grated cheese looks like when not in a cup. Again I sympathize.

–On the hitting adjustments he made this season: “It’s almost like a cooking class, when I start burning stuff I gotta change it up.”

–She adds salt. Granderson asks if they’re using regular salt or sea salt. SCORE ONE FOR CURTIS GRANDERSON IN THE KITCHEN. But Martha Stewart stone cold shoots him down by saying that actually she usually uses coarse salt/kosher salt. Granderson is crestfallen. He wanted so hard to seem knowledgeable about salt.

–“I love to eat, so we can definitely get after it right now.”

–Martha Stewart reveals that Granderson has brought everyone in the audience a Granderson shersey. Pan to the audience, everyone cheers. Are these people all Yankee fans, or just fans of the splendor that is Curtis Granderson? Because let me tell you, readers, I am definitely the latter, but I still wouldn’t wear a Yankee shersey.

–When they come back from a commercial break Martha Stewart says that she has been trying to extract information from Granderson about whether Derek Jeter is getting married or not. Granderson says that he hasn’t gotten an invitation, so he doesn’t know either way. Martha Stewart declares that “it’ll be a sad day for all us ladies.” Don’t forget your gay dude fans, Martha Stewart. The Yankee fans among them will be saddened too.

–Talking about the Grand Kids Foundation, showing a photo of Curtis Granderson with Michelle Obama.

–Now they’re making cornbread. Martha Stewart gives Granderson a bowl and a whisk, tells him to get whisking.
Granderson: “We gotta whisk. See, these terms, I just call it ‘stirring’.”
Martha Stewart: “No. That’s a whisk.”

–Martha Stewart takes a fancy dish out of the oven, where it has been warming. “I just love to bake in a decorative dish like this.” My eyes roll so hard that they fall out of my head.

–Granderson exclaims, “This is the first time I’ve ever used a dish that was already hot!” The Martha Stewart Show: it’s for learning.

–Martha Stewart tells him to scrape the cornbread batter out of the bowl and into the ~*~decorative dish~*~.
Granderson: “So we have wisp, stir, and scrape.”
Martha Stewart: “Not ‘wisp’. Whisk.”

–She tells him to pour cream into the very center of the cornbread, very slowly, so it goes right through the middle. Somehow he’s pouring it wrong, because it spreads out over the top instead of sinking in. Of course there’s a properly made display cornbread ready on the side anyways, so Martha Stewart doesn’t say anything, but you can almost see her gnashing her teeth.

–Granderson brought Martha Stewart a big lap blanket thing. It’s pinstriped and has a big number 14 on it, but the name on it is ‘Stewart’. My brain says, “Since when did Ian Stewart sign with the Yankees?” Then I realize. Then I hate myself on several different levels.

–She gives him a piece of cornbread to eat as we go to commercial, but because of the SooOperSpeSHUL creamy center, it’s falling apart and he can barely pick it up, let alone get big pieces into his mouth. He’s trying, though. This is why Curtis Granderson is so good at baseball.

–Now there are a couple non-Granderson segments. I pay little attention to them, but at one point Martha Stewart is in a restaurant with two guys (one of whom is wearing oversized hipster glasses that he has to push up every five seconds, because they keep falling off his face). A waiter brings out a truffle the size of my cat’s head, to shave it over their food. Oh my HOLY PAWS I would grab that truffle and run. GIVE IT TO ME.

–A different guest, some guy who can actually cook in his own right, says that he’s a New Yorker and a big Yankee fan, so being in the studio today with Martha Stewart and Curtis Granderson is basically the greatest thing ever. He also makes fun of Granderson for not knowing about ‘whisking’. Granderson is backstage at the time and cannot defend himself.

–Nobody mentions the sil-pan again.

–At the very end, all the guests and Martha Stewart come out. The last guest was making these oversized salmon sandwich things, and each person is holding out half a sandwich, as if to say, hey, look at these spectacularly gorgeous sandwiches, eh? eh? Only Granderson starts eating his.

After a bit everyone starts eating, but the others are all mostly nibbling. Curtis Granderson is plainly determined to finish his half a sandwich. He is chowing down. If I was Dave Dombrowski, this is where I would use the word ‘gamer’.

–The show ends. I turn off the TV before my brains leak out of my ears and short out the keyboard. I DID IT FOR YOU, READER. FOR YOU.

What does it look like when your heart is broken in front of 38,000 people?

Let me show you!

all photos by Samara Pearlstein, with immense sadness

For those of you who were not following the game, the Red Sox lost in 10 innings. Curtis Granderson hit a homer off of Jonathan Papelbon for the go-ahead run in the top of the 10th. I almost cried in the ballpark. The Worst Thing. This is seriously like just ripping the heart out of my chest and stomping on it. Why. WHYYYYYYYY.

Anyways, it sounds like Scherzer looked good, even if the Tigers game ultimately was filled with its own special brand of suck. I guess it’s good that Scherzer didn’t bomb it in his first start, we want him to retain confidence as the season gets going and we start playing teams that are not Kansas City or Cleveland. Thursday we get our first regular season look at Dontrelle. Whee?

I would probably have more to say about the Scherzer game, but quite frankly I am still emotionally drained from what I just saw at Fenway. I had tried to prepare myself for the up-close and unavoidably in-real-life sight of Curtis Granderson in the raiment of evil, but I was not prepared. It hurts, kids and kittens. It is a hard thing to see. It is a pure and simple Wrongness.

From the Hastily and Sketchily Drawn Sketchbook: 5 Things RotT Would Like to See the Tigers Get Done Before the Season Starts

#1

Sign Justin Verlander to a long-term deal.

#2

Refrain from signing Johnny Damon to any kind of deal.

#3

Team lecture on responsible alcohol use and safety.

#4

The regrowth of Magglio’s flowing locks.

#5



Kidnap Curtis Granderson, return him to his proper home.

the Worst Thing

Reports indicate that the Tigers/Yankees/Dbacks trade is a go.
eta: Report from The Mothership as of 3 pm Tuesday.

So the Tigers would get:
–Max Scherzer (Dbacks)
–Daniel Schlereth (Dbacks)
–Phil Coke (Yanks)
–Austin Jackson (Yanks)
–maybe Mike Dunn? (Yanks)

The Tigers would give up:
–Edwin Jackson (Dbacks)
–Curtis Granderson (Yanks)
–faith in the inherent goodness of the world

THIS IS THE WORST THING

Trading Granderson was always going to be awful, heart-rending, soul-destroying, etc, but sending him to the Yankees is like… it is like taking the most beautiful thing you can imagine– say a kitten with enormous eyes and soft fur, sitting on a bed of fresh flowers under a rainbow while butterflies soar above it and Mozart plays in the background– and setting it on fire, then dumping it into an open sewer, then setting the sewer on fire, then putting that fire out with nuclear waste, then having sex with a bunch of half-decayed donkey corpses, and throwing those onto the nuclear waste sewer, and setting fire to the whole thing again. That is what Curtis Granderson on the Yankees is like.

As for Edwin Jackson… oh my gosh who will be Justin Verlander’s dugout buddy now??

My problem with the Jackson-for-Scherzer swap is that it doesn’t really help the starting rotation, it just shuffles the problem over. The issue was never that Jackson didn’t help the rotation– because he did– it was that there simply weren’t enough Real Live Actual Starters on the team. So, fine, we pick up Scherzer, great, a new starter… but giving up Jackson at the same time and failing to get a second starter anywhere else in this trade (Schlereth is a reliever) means that the Tigers are right back to where they were before. Before, the rotation was Verlander, Porcello, Jackson, and scraps. Now the rotation is Verlander, Porcello, I guess Scherzer, and scraps. THAT DOESN’T HELP.

But I guess the payroll is reduced, GREAT, I HOPE YOU FEEL REAL GOOD ABOUT THAT, FRONT OFFICE. I HOPE REDUCING PAYROLL WAS WORTH MAKING FANS CRY.

Winter Meeting rumor mill continues unabated

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

You cats ready for Day Two of this ridiculousness? I’m not sure that I am, but the Winter Meetings don’t care about me. As before, I will update this post over the course of the day, if/as new stuff makes itself known.

–Fernando Rodney and Brandon Lyon both declined arbitration. Not exactly shocking, but it does throw the Tigers’ quest for closing material into sharper, slightly scarier relief (har har).

–The Mets like Edwin but ‘can’t get the pieces to fit’. So far everything out of Indy has pointed towards the Tigers asking for the sun and the moon to move Jackson/Granderson, which is in my opinion both appropriate and mildly comforting. You tell ’em, Dave! Don’t let nobody push you around, y’hear!

Team currently rumored to be linked to Jackson: Mets, Yankees, Diamondbacks (Dodgers, Brewers?).

–FOX sez the Yankees are interested in Granderson even if the 3-team deal falls through. So even without complicated, many-faceted deals, the danger of THE WORST THING remains potent.

–A Yankee executive sez there is ‘traction’ to the Grandy talks. What.

–Well, they’ve done it. Details and reaction(s) above.

–Apparently the Tigers have signed catcher Robinzon Diaz, although whether it’s a major league or minor league deal is not yet clear. Diaz only played in 41 games for the Pirates last season, soooooo…. I dunno. I would say that G-Money shouldn’t worry too much yet, but with the way this day has gone, who the hell knows.

Winter meeting trade rumors get going

The current rumor is that the Mets have picked up Edwin Jackson. (via Rotoworld, via AOL’s Ed Price) True, untrue, sort-of true, not yet true but soon to be fact? Lobby rumor or actual trade? Don’t know yet. I’ll update this post if/when I hear more.

(eeeek)

Oh, also: the Rangers just got Clay Rapada for cash or a player to be named later. So ends the Clay Rapada non-era in Detroit.

ETA: ESPN’s Buster Olney sez, “The Tigers’ asking price on Edwin Jackson is said by other teams to be very, very high at this point.” Take that as you will.

ETAA: The Mets deny the Jackson trade. Also, the Chicago Tribune, which had indicated that the Cubs had interest in Curtis Granderson, is saying that the Yankees are ‘hot on the trail’ of Granderson right now (tip o’the paw to Billfer). Excuse me, I need to go vomit up my spleen.

ETAAA: THE WORST THING. Jackson, Granderson both connected to the Yankees via rumor. Just a rumor, just a rumor, just a rumor, just a rumor OF ALL MY NIGHTMARES.

ETAAAA: We’ve re-signed Adam Everett! One year deal, allegedly. This is a good thing, a move that pleases me. It’s 5000 times better than picking up, say, Bobby Crosby.

ETAAAAA: Ozzie Guillen at the Winter Meetings is glorious. “Ah, I don’t know all our players. Ask Joey Cora. He knows all of our players.”

ETAAAAAA: It’s 11:30 pm on Monday night. The latest thing I’ve heard on the Jackson/Granderson rumors is this potential/supposed story from the FOX crew, which would have the following go down:

–Diamondbacks get Jackson and Ian Kennedy of the Yankees
–Yankees get Granderson and Dback prospects
–Tigers get Max Scherzer from the Dbacks; Austin Jackson, Phil Coke, and Michael Dunn from the Yanks

Jackson is a 22 year old center fielder (he’ll be 23 next season), pretty much the Yankees’ top prospect. He’s a righty. He hit .300/.354/.405 last season at triple-A. Coke is a 27 year old lefty reliever who had a 4.50 ERA and a 1.07 WHIP in 60 innings in the Majors last year. He’s cheap. Dunn will be 24-25 years old next season. He’s a lefty reliever who had a 3.71 ERA and a 1.37 WHIP in 53.1 innings at double-A last year (2.25 ERA in 20 innings at triple-A, and he got in 4 games for the Yanks proper).

Scherzer will be 25-26 years old in 2010. He’s a right-handed starting pitcher who had a 9-11 record with the Dbacks in ’09, his first full season of big league service. He put up a 4.12 ERA and a 1.34 WHIP. He was 8th in the NL for Ks per 9 innings pitched, and he was 5th in hit batters (related?). He has odd eyes.

Don’t know how much I credit this rumorlicious report right now, but it’s something to chew on. If this was really what we got back for Grandy and Edwin, would it be worth it? :/

unacceptable, Tigers

screaming tiger by Samara Pearlstein

There is a rumor going around saying that the Tigers are shopping Edwin Jackson and Curtis Granderson.

In short:

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NO

Just go ahead and try to read this without vomiting and/or bursting into tears:

In a cost-cutting frame of mind, the Tigers have let teams now [sic] that Curtis Granderson could be had for the right package, an NL executive told The Post.

Granderson would be attractive to many teams, with the Yankees near the top of the list.

NY Post article

Every time I try to type out how this little blurb makes me feel, I end up just mashing my hands repeatedly on the keyboard while screaming and twitching. asl;dfkjhas;ldkfjasl;dkfjas;dlfkjas;ldfkj. aAalkjasdflikuhoiqwefih;ashv98yq9283rydf, I say. This is, basically, NOT OK. It is possibly the LEAST OK thing I can think of right now when it comes to the Tigers. Holy FREAKIN’ cats, I know it’s the Post and the grain of salt we should take this with is therefore more like a hearty salt boulder, but even the MEREST, SLIGHTEST HINT OF A THOUGHT of this happening is derailing my brain. Screeeeeeech, thud, brain splattered all over the tracks.

Curtis Granderson stays. Period. End of sentence. END OF SPECULATION ABOUT SOMETHING SO HORRIFIC AS THE DEPARTURE OF CURTIS GRANDERSON FROM THIS DETROIT TIGERS TEAM. I hate to get fuzzy on you here, but he is really the heart and soul of the squad, he is one of the most popular guys on the team with the fans (if not THE most popular), he is amazing for the community and for baseball and HE IS A DETROIT TIGER, HE STAYS. HE DOES NOT LEAVE. IT IS NOT ALLOWED.

MR. DOMBROWSKI. I HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT FOR YOU, GENERALLY. AND I KNOW THAT THE ECONOMY IS CRUDCATS RIGHT NOW, ESPECIALLY IN DETROIT. BUT YOU ARE NOT WITH THE MARLINS ANYMORE, please do not manage this team all Firesale-in-Florida style. I am begging you. As a blogger who wishes to exit this offseason with at least one strand of sanity left intact, I am begging you to let this rumor remain a rumor and never even sniff the gamy hindquarters of reality.

After that, the Jackson trade rumors seem downright mundane, although they are truly hilarious and absurd. I mean, think about it. The Tigers had soooooooo much extra starting pitching this past season! They can totally spare a dude or two! They practically had starting pitchers coming out of Paws’ ears by the end there, right?

Oh wait, what’s that you say? You say that the Tigers were so strapped for pitching that they spent most of the latter half of the year trying to limp by with three starters instead of the customary five? Ahhhh, so it was. Can’t believe I forgot. Must have blocked all those horrible memories out as a defense mechanism for my poor, suffering brain.

If the Tigers trade Jackson, that amounts to them saying, “You want to see baseball in Michigan this season? Perhaps you should start following the Big 10.”

Now (as I take a blog-version deep breath), these are rumors. Probably nothing will come of them. Probably. Because if something were to come of them… well, that would be crazy and wrong. You know, I know, Paws knows it. Right? Just making sure we’re all on the same page here.

Happy Halloween from Roar of the Tigers!

Happy Halloween, kids and kittens! Remember to match your costume to the ambient air temperature, don’t eat any candy that you receive unwrapped, load up on the hand sanitizer when dealing with the grubby hands of small children, and don’t dress up as Joel Zumaya or you won’t survive the night.

Anyone dressing up as a Tiger this year (not Zoom)? If you don’t have a jersey or team shirt and need a last minute costume, you could just wear a striped polo and go as Dave Dombrowski. And then of course there’s always Paws…

Paws, man, you’re blowin’ my mind.

In Curtis Granderson is perfect news, everyone’s favorite centerfieldin’ Tiger won this year’s Marvin Miller Man of the Year award, as voted by his fellow ballplayers. Obviously all of us over here know that Curtis Granderson is the Man of Every Year, but it is nice to see that Curtis Granderson’s perfection is recognized all over the league.

He also recently made a Detroit magazine’s Best Dressed list, the only athlete to do so. I feel this may be unfair, though. It’s not that Curtis Granderson has such good taste (although of course his taste is impeccable), it’s more that anything he wears is going to look amazing the instant he puts it on, because he is Curtis Granderson and he is perfect. Hard for mere mortals to compete with that, you know?

Curtis Granderson, Edwin Jackson, and Jim Leyland combine forces to be MORE AWESOME THAN YOU CAN EVEN IMAGINE

a reenactment of the wondrous moment

What could possibly be better than a complete game win from Justin Verlander to start off a double header with the vile Wrong Sox? What could top that? Think for a few minutes. Try to guess.

If you came up with “Curtis Granderson taking his shirt off”, congratulations, you are correct.

Detroit News writer Dana Wakiji knows what’s important to report. Detroit News photographer Tom Gromak is a prince among camera-bearing men. And Curtis Granderson, Edwin Jackson, and Jim Leyland are very, very good sports. Behold the amazing fruits of this combination over here: Jim Leyland takes shirt off his back to help Curtis Granderson’s charity.

First, look on the right under ‘RELATED CONTENT’, for a little link that says ‘Photos: Tigers’ bachelor auction aids inner city youth education’. Click on this link and go through all the photos, but most especially feast your retinas on this and this and THIS.

If you recover from those images sometime in the next century, you may then proceed to read the article.

Perry, a 22-year-old rookie, was up first. During the bidding, Laird offered $2,000. “I will not clean your house!” Perry yelled to Laird.

…

Jackson’s tattoos could only be revealed by removing his shirt, so he asked his manager’s permission. “You take your shirt off, I’ll take mine off,” Leyland yelled from the middle of the room.

Jackson obliged by removing his shirt and showing off his tattooed back and arms. He then demanded his manager keep his word. Leyland came up to the stage and said he would remove his shirt as long as the picture did not end up on TV or in the newspaper.

Detroit News article

AMAZING. Of course most of you remember the image heading up this post, from these bad old days, but Jim Leyland taking off his shirt in front of a roomful of fans and a number of Tigers players REALLY ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN REAL ACTUAL LIFE. Bobby Seay took photos of it with his phone. I feel faint.

It gets better.

After the auction, Jackson insisted Granderson remove his shirt. After getting approval from his mother, Mary, Granderson obliged.

Granderson blamed the shirtlessness on the tattoos.

“It started with tattoos, see what tattoos do?” Granderson said. “Good and bad. I don’t have any tattoos and it started with Ryan Perry rolling his sleeve up and then Edwin Jackson. Once Jim Leyland, our manager, comes up, I can’t get shown up by him. Very surprising, but I thank him very much for helping raise a lot of money. Hopefully the ladies loved it.”

Detroit News article

Oh Curtis Granderson, why are you so perfect? Edwin Jackson peer-pressured him into taking his shirt off! He got permission from his mom! Rest assured, Curtis, the ladies loved it, and I am certain a number of gentlemen did as well.

Yes. The Detroit News loves us and wants us to be happy. Granderson, Jackson, and Leyland love us and want us to be happy. Success. My eyeballs are happy.