mortal limbs

kneecaps are not supposed to do that

CJ Cron is out for the year. He was trying to field a ball last week and something happened: the ball seems to have hit him, but he also maybe planted his foot wrong, or his knee just gave way for no real reason because that’s a thing that knees do when you’re 30 or older. He has described the kneecap as “just floating around.” There’s ligament damage that will require surgery to fix, the recovery period is long, and Cron was on a one-year contract with the Tigers, so that might be that and I suppose it was fun while it (extremely briefly) lasted.

this temperature would actually not be a fever for a cardinal bird but just go with it

Meanwhile, the schedule is all weird because we missed a load of games that were supposed to be with the Cardinals, who were busy letting pestilence work its way through their staff and roster. Will all these games be made up? Who knows?! I guess not?? Because I think there literally isn’t time???

The Cardinals actually returned to action today with a double-header against the White Sox. The Cards won both games. But don’t worry, the Reds are now missing games because they’ve crossed the Threshold of Positivity (not, as some imagine, actually a positive thing). The tragic fragility of human existence can thus properly remain at the forefront of our minds. Thanks, baseball.

A couple things that are not cool.

Illustrations by Samara Pearlstein.

Not cool: JD Martinez breaking his elbow and being out six weeks. It’s not even like he broke it doing something irresponsible like skateboarding or jumping on a trampoline or carrying a bag of frozen meat up the stairs. No, he was just playing baseball and he played baseball a little too hard and there you have it, now the ghostly spirit of Tigers offense can waft right on up and out of that break. Not cool at all.

Also not cool: this situation.

Just sayin’.

Baseball approaches.

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Is it? Is this thing still on? Yes, well, looks like it is. How about that.

I hear we may have some baseball again soon. That’s a thing that still happens in the world, right? The sun rises, the air warms, the crocuses blossom, the wild turkeys begin their crazed death matches with each other and with all reflective surfaces at turkey-eye-height (a major problem in my neighborhood), and soon, one way or another, the voice of the turtle will be heard in our land. If you know what I mean. And if you’re reading a website of Detroit Tigers cartoons, I reckon that you do.

There’s been a lot going on in RotT Headquarters (as the long cartoon drought may have indicated), so I’ve only got bits and pieces of the latest news…

I guess Daniel Norris was supposed to contribute his luxurious hipster beard and his axe-wielding, van-dwelling ways to the clubhouse this April, but he did something to his back? I assume this is how it went down. Nobody tell me otherwise.

We may have lost one BEAUTIFUL PERFECT FRENCH BULLDOG when David Price took Astro to Boston. But at least we have some small consolation in the acquisition of Justin Upton and his special friend Wayne (as introduced by Bless You Boys, who have apparently been paying attention all this time, unlike some idiot blogs). I hope that Justin knows he should feel free to bring Wayne into the clubhouse at all times, and on the team plane, and to press conferences, and into our hearts.

Victor Martinez is probably-maybe starting the season on the Disabled List, because he injured his hamstring? back? oblique? shoulder? knee? every single tendon in his body at once? Nobody is surprised, because this man has the body of an elder. May his corresponding elder wisdom allow him to compensate and remain useful to the Tigers this season.

Anthony (Go)se. I have nothing to say about this beyond: there it is.

Some ValenTigers for you.

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Happy mid-February, everyone! What better time to proclaim one’s love for another? Here are some Tigers to share their feelings with you, their best beloved Tigers fan.

Meanwhile, here in Boston, there is no love, only a cold, frozen wasteland of snow and aloneness.

May the Tigers bring you greater warmth!

What is going on?!

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

I’ll tell you what is going on. First of all Justin Verlander had ‘core muscle surgery’ and will be down’n’out until the end of February or something. ‘Core muscle surgery’ is not a thing and the above image is the only thing I was able to see whenever I heard it. I’m only a little sorry because it is really the fault of everyone who decided to report this as a ‘core muscle injury’ instead of a real injury to a specific body part.

In actuality Verlander probably had a sports hernia, and we all know there are few things in this world worse than herniating your sport. But it was not his arm, and he won’t miss too much of Spring Training, so cross your paws and hope that all’s well that ends surgically repaired.

As for what is going on with Roar of the Tigers– well, you have probably noticed how quiet it has been ’round these parts. To that I can only say: uh, I’m in my last year of grad school. And now I am in my last semester of grad school. This is both amazing and terrible; more to the point, it is a lot of work, and especially a lot of drawing, which leaves me little time for non-thesis-related drawing. Ugh! I know. The worst.

My thesis show will be in May and if you’re in the Boston area you should totally come because it will involve a lot of DRAWING and also a lot of BASEBALL and some of that will involve the DETROIT TIGERS and also it will be ART and it will mean that I GET A GRADUATE DEGREE. Imagine a world where one can receive a graduate degree for generating hundreds, or possibly thousands of weird baseball drawings. I am living in that world. I invite you to live in it with me. At least come May.

So that is the story, and I will try to be better about giving you things to look at here– who knows, maybe some tids and bits that end up not being used for thesis? or somesuch?? But if things are slow and quiet and calm on the RotT front, well, now you know why. Bear me with me, please. Luv u catz!

The most unwelcome return of the tigerfly.

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

It’s been quite some time since we last saw the tigerfly. That’s fine, that’s good, that is as it should be, because, as we all know, the tigerfly only emerges when the Tigers are dropping like flies. Look at his sad little face. That’s just terrible.

With the team involved in an epic struggle for playoff position, this is just about the time when the tigerfly is least welcome in Detroit, but here he is, buzzing past our ears, flying in our faces, making a fuzzy nuisance of himself. His victims:

Miguel Cabrera: sore/previously injured ankle.

Austin Jackson: sore ankle.

Alex Avila: out with ‘mild concussion symptoms’ after running into Prince Fielder with his face.

Quintin Berry: some variety of injured shoulder due to excessively enthusiastic outfield diving.

Max Scherzer: sore/’fatigued’ throwing shoulder, holy cats, holy cats, great and almighty Paws nooooooo (and I say this knowing full well that yesterday’s MRI revealed no structural damage).

Who else? I’m sure there are other tigerfly casualties out there that I just can’t think of right now because I’m so freaked out by the sight of Scherzer leaving the game early last night and the continued absence of Our Beardy Savior. You can’t even be mad! Avila was injured because Prince Fielder is a sturdy little mountain of a man-cat, and you cannot fault Prince Fielder for that, it is his very nature. Do you curse the couch when you break your toe against it? Well, yes, a little, and even more so if the couch has the theoretical ability to watch where it’s going and to decide which foul balls it will pursue and which it will leave to its catcher, but whatever, shut up.

Here’s something else that’s completely terrifying:

“I could feel my arm losing strength. I could feel I didn’t have the strength that I normally have.” That’s a quote from Max, after the game. If that doesn’t make you scream hysterically inside your own head, I’m sorry, but I do not understand you, friend.

It was already going to be difficult to make the playoffs, thanks in part to things the Tigers have done to themselves, and thanks in part to the continued (very rude) insistence on winning games on the part of the Wrong Sox. Those were already fairly substantial obstacles to overcome. It becomes significantly more difficult with the tigerfly sniping various key players from on high. Great. Splendid.

Things of late, as Terrible Cartoons, of course.

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

I’m just going to lead with that one because it makes me happy in my optic nerves. Everyone in the wide world of Tigers fans has his or her own opinion about the team. There is naturally a great deal of disagreement. But there is one thing upon which we can all agree, one thing that may be safely and universally acknowledged as an unequivocally beautiful sight: Alex Avila, pleased with his own walk-off hit, being doused in purple Gatorade by an almost unhealthily giddy Papa Grande. It is a fine thing, a fine thing indeed.

Especially when Avila’s jersey then gets all wet and it’s all sticking to his torso and it’s a home jersey so it’s white and bits get translucent when soaked, and you get all mad at FSD for not getting longer and more torso-inclusive shots post-soaking, and now I’ve said too much. Thank you, Papa Grande.

This keeps on happening, and I suppose it too is a fine thing. Every silver lining, of course, has its cloud, and Scherzer’s high K-counts are still tagging along with the logically attendant high pitch counts, but for now we will accept it.

Doug Fister injured his groin. The jokes came thick and fast and inevitably. Everyone is just real sorry about that, Mister Fister, but what do you expect from us? We are baseball fans. We are all ten years old.

Miguel Cabrera’s ankle has been sore for a while, and Leyland is finally paying attention, giving him some DH time and just now a day off. I haven’t seen anything more specific than “sore” to describe the State of Miggy’s Ankle, aside from this Mothership blurb earlier in the month:

During the Boston series, Miguel Cabrera fouled a ball off his left shin and, as a result, the third baseman has been experiencing some “drainage” in his ankle, head athletic trainer Kevin Rand said on Sunday morning.

“He’s just getting some drainage in his ankle from that,” Rand said. “His [lower] leg gets sore just the more he’s on it.”
Jason Beck/Anthony Odoardi, DetroitTigers.com

What in the world does that mean? How can an ankle be experiencing ‘drainage’? That sounds anatomically difficult and worrying. I cannot know, I can only draw.

Drew Smyly is back! He got a spot start and should be sticking around in the bullpen even when he gets bumped from the rotation.

The persistence of Delmon Young’s mustache should be a source of concern for us all. But he has also been on a bit of a hitting tear lately. Does this… does this mean that the mustache is actually doing the hitting for him?? I think this is a possibility that we need to deeply consider. It would explain how that upper lip décor has hung around this long, despite (what must surely be) the strong recommendations of everyone who knows Delmon personally and also has eyes.

Just throwing this one in for good luck. The mantises have been back in attendance, all over MLB, and yes, they have been spotted– and occasionally photographed— in Detroit. Praise be!

super best friends

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Good
Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder sure can hit some baseballs. They can hit a baseball a long distance.

Now, it’s only been three games, but in those three games as a 3-4 combo Miggy and Prince have been everything we’ve dreamed thus far. They are best lineup buddies. They are super in both the superlative and hero senses. They are magical and lovely and by their powers combined even greater heights of magical loveliness will be attained.

Good
Justin Verlander. Everything about Justin Verlander.

Bad
Doug Fister is on the DL. (Insert ten minutes of hysterical screaming here.) He has a ‘left costochondral strain’, which means that he over-stretched/strained the cartilage connecting his ribs to his sternum. It’s not an oblique injury, or at least that’s what they’re telling us right now, because they know how that one little word will send us all into death spirals of panic.

Ha ha! Shows what you know, team! I’ll go into a death spiral of panic ANYWAYS! You can’t stop my Tigers-related neuroses!!

The only thing Fister can do about this particular injury is rest. This is both a good thing (noninvasive and uncomplicated healing procedure) and a bad thing (no quick and solid fix, no real way to prevent it from happening again).

We’re not yet sure who will replace him in the rotation, because I guess it builds character to make us panic a little longer. Good thing we had that prolonged competition for the 5th starter spot, though, right? That means we have a bunch of cats in the minors right now who are all starter-ready and chomping at the proverbial bit, right? Right??

Good
Alex Avila is fresh and not yet so exhausted that he can barely heft a bat. It is nice to see, and the results of such freshness are also nice to see. Beardy and nice. Walkoff nice.

Bad
Max Scherzer on Sunday. Seven runs in 2.2 innings, with no injury excuses (so far as we know). Even under normal circumstances this would be somewhat worrying; having just lost Mister Fister, it is THOROUGHLY worrying. Consider me duly worried.

(Use the blue eye, Max! The blue eye! Stop pitching with the brown!)

Good
The fact that even with two starters leaving games early, the bullpen was effective and helped keep both games from getting out of paw. This is like the exact opposite of what happened with the Red Sox, and is in fact rather heartening if you can ignore the reasons why we had to see so much of the ‘pen in this series.

Bad
Jose Valverde blowing his first save in a million years or whatever it was. Of course then he went on to officially get the Win, so… I guess that’s something. A terrible something that does little more than point to the foolishness of statistics like Wins, but, you know, maybe it will make him feel better about himself deep within his own heart.

Good
Miguel Cabrera making funny, awkward-acrobatic plays at third.

Bad
Miguel Cabrera making equally funny, but much more inept plays at third.

Good/Bad
I really personally enjoyed the heck out of what the Tigers did in this series, ridiculous and unreliable as much of it may have been. HOWEVER, as soon as the Tigers buzz wears off, I am going to be freaked out by the (non)performance of the Red Sox. Not as much as many in Boston, who are already crying ULTIMATE DOOM and all that, but a good amount of freaked out. This is a team that is doing its best to announce that it has capital-P-Problems, and if you think Detroit sports radio can get crazy when Detroit teams are starting to lose, let me assure you, it is as nothing compared to Boston sports radio.

Good
Because these games were all broadcast on the Red Sox TV network, I have not yet had to see/hear whatever fresh chthonic horror is being visited upon us this season under the guise of April in the D.

A message to Baseball in the spring, on behalf of Miguel Cabrera.

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Dear Baseball:

HOW DARE YOU HURT MIGUEL CABRERA? STOP IT. STOP IT THIS VERY INSTANT.

Sincerely and angrily,
Tigers fans

In case you missed it, Miguel Cabrera took a grounder to the face yesterday. He was bloodied and dazed and it was generally Not OK. The Internet is saying that he has a small fracture under his eye and will be out two weeks, optimistically but at least somewhat reasonably slated to return a tad before Opening Day.

There’s no reason to panic. The damage could have been MUCH worse, and, barring unforeseen additional difficulties, the consequences of this will not cut into games that count. But… it’s just not what Miguel Cabrera or the Tigers needed right now, you know?

Sigh.

Staying calm. Staying calm. Miggy will be fine. Baseball just needs to agree to not be a jerk to him, and we’ll continue to get along okay.

a few snippets of spring news

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

The Minnesota Twins signed Joel Zumaya. That is a fact. Why did they sign Joel Zumaya? About this, we can only speculate. Their hearts were filled with optimism and hope… or maybe they find velocity mysterious and seductive… or perhaps they simply saw a small but non-zero chance to really stick it to the Tigers. Maybe they anticipate their bullpen being just that bad.

Whatever the reason, they did it, and Tigers fans everywhere sighed and shook their heads and made all sorts of “oh, you’ll see,” statements. We knew, of course. We’re a bit beyond optimism and hope where Zoom is concerned. Velocity is a lot less seductive when you’ve seen what it can do to an arm in its raw, untrammelled state.

The season has not started yet. Heck, Spring Training games haven’t even started. Zoom is already out for the year. Torn UCL. The UCL attaches at the elbow. Given the nightmare-inducing things that have happened to Zoom’s elbow in recent years, nobody can call this surprising. At this point it is merely depressing.

Word on the internet street is that Zoom is going to have Tommy John surgery. Does this point to a continued belief that he can pitch in Major League Baseball? Or does he need the Tommy John simply to return his arm to some semblance of normal civilian functionality? It’s hard to believe that the former is a possibility, but he is only 27, and baseball is pretty much all he knows how to do.

CHEERFUL, I KNOW. So here’s the ongoing second base competition, for something both less awful and actually related to the 2012 Tigers.