Category Archives: Jacob Turner

Fish to Cats, Cat to Fish

photos by Samara Pearlstein

Word on the Internet Street: Jacob Turner has been traded to the Marlins for Anibal Sanchez and Omar Infante. I think there were some other minor league Cats involved too but whatever.

Initial reaction: SECOND BASE LIVES

Here is a super old photo I had of Omar Infante picking his nose.


I’m ok with this, more or less. Convince me otherwise, doomsayers.

Jacob Turner forgets how to pitch.

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Let’s be honest, Jacob Turner was not the only issue the Tigers had tonight. The offense failed to do much of anything, loads of cats were left on the bases, the defense involved Ryan Raburn, etc etc. Plenty of blame to go around. But when the team is put in a 7-0 hole after two innings, it is difficult for even the most smoothly-running squad to recover gracefully.

Also I just wanted to draw Jacob Turner forgetting how to pitch. Sorry, kid.

biggest Tigers news of 2012 so far

photo by Samara Pearlstein

Big news. Huge news. The most news we have had in ages.

The Tigers have signed Eric Patterson to a minor league contract. Tremble in your cleats, division-mates! THE CENTRAL IS OURS NOW!

Actually, the only real ‘news’ lately is un-news: the fact that Jacob Turner is unlikely to be traded. It sure is starting to feel like the Tigers are hunkering down, ready to take on the baseball world with FredFred (freshly 23 years old! not such a baby anymore!) and Max’s Magical Eyes and a flurry of Fists and of course The Perfection.

This still leaves a fifth slot open for Phil Coke or kitten Turner or someone off the Energy Squad or whatever, but I guess that’s ok. Dave Dombrowski seems ok with it, and presumably he knows more about it than I do.

In any event, I was really just happy I had that shot of Patterson and Miggy already. Never thought I’d have a reason to use that ol’ thing!

Eric Hosmer terrorizes Tigers

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

So excited to be done with the Royals for now. Sure, it’s the Wrong Sox up next and they’re a slightly bigger deal, but I think we all need a break from Eric Hosmer. He’s just not right. One might even call him baseball evil.

Did you know that every single time he came up to the plate on Thursday, Hosmer reached base? He was 3-for-3, and he also had two walks. He homered, AGAIN. He is a Royal Pain in the Posterior. A couple weeks off from him can only be a good thing.

Jacob Turner was back for this start, and was victimized by Hosmer, among others. He gave up 6 runs in 4.1 innings, but the pattern of the offense meant that Phil Coke was the one who got tagged with the loss (and the blown save). A simple tale of pitching woe, except for the fact that it came against the Royals. I don’t care what Jim Leyland says about how dangerous the Royals have become, it’s the principle of the thing. They are still the ROYALS.

But of course Jacob Turner is a mere kitten. As Jason Beck pointed out, there is less difference in age between Turner and the Kids Take the Field urchins (max age 14– 6 years younger than Turner) than there is between Turner and Magglio Ordonez (age 37– 17 years older than Turner).

Maybe this Sunday they should let Turner run the bases.

Speaking of elderly right fielders, Magglio actually had a very good game. Like, almost Hosmer-good! He was 3-for-4 with two doubles and a home run AND a stolen base and a pleasant little boost to his self esteem. He will undoubtedly be icing his entire body right up until gametime tomorrow, but it’s nice to see the old cat has some play left in him.