Papa Grande by Samara Pearlstein
You guys. You guys. You guys. You guys, I was at that game. I was, for the last couple of innings, sitting one row behind home plate. I was chewing my scorecard and thinking about maybe vomiting on the rich people in front of me. But I am getting ahead of myself. Bullet points of incoherence, yes.
–Traitor Damon took BP and was all over the field, doing his time in the cage, running about, etc, so I assumed he would be playing in the game. He must have been scratched literally minutes before it started. When I was going over my photos a bit between innings, I realized I had a series of pregame shots of Alex Avila picking TDamon up, trying to crack his back. So I guess he was feeling it earlier in BP and was trying to work it out but couldn’t quite manage to get it loose. Or maybe the brawny arms of Alex Avila busted his back up, who knows.
–Jhonny Peralta’s Tigers debut! Hitting two home runs in one game is a pretty good way to introduce yourself to a new team.
–Jhonny Peralta and Victor Martinez are in love. VMart came RUNNING over when he first saw Jhonny during BP. They hugged, and then Victor laid his head down on Jhonny’s shoulder and snuggled him. It was probably the single most adorable thing I have ever associated with the Racist Logos.
–Will Rhymes is SUPER TINY. He is listed at 5’9 but I don’t know about that. Let the internet record also state that I was very pleasantly surprised by his defense today. He looked crisp on almost everything, he made some fine plays out there. Refreshing.
–I don’t know how it looked on TV, but the way Armando Galarraga went down when Youk hit that ball off his leg, I seriously thought something had broken. He looked like he was in AGONY, to the point where it was almost unbelievable that he was able to get up and walk off the field on his own– without even too much of a limp! Scary moment, needs to not be repeated, thanks.
–Brennan Boesch’s swing is all kinds of messed up right now, and it felt even more obvious up close and in person. I think he is starting to come around, but there’s clearly plenty of work left to do.
–Actual Fenway conversation when Peralta was up to bat in the 7th inning (an at-bat that ultimately ended in a single).
Me: “Go Jhonny!”
Drunk Red Sox fan: “Jhonny SUCKS! You SUCK, Peralta! You suck!”
Me: “He’s hit two home runs today, how bad can he be?”
Drunk Red Sox fan: *silence*
–That play where Rhymes was called out trying to steal third was SO bad. He was obviously safe even in the park, where we did not have the benefit of multiple angles and slowed-down replay. Even the Sox fans sitting next to us thought he was safe. It was so blatantly ridiculous that I’m kind of surprised Leyland didn’t get tossed… although maybe now with the upcoming suspension, he’s trying to be a bit more careful.
–Ryan Perry has some of the biggest fratboy jerkcod sunglasses I have ever seen. The stems are made to look like chains, you know? but they are clear plastic. Congratulations Ryan Perry, you look like a tool.
–Robbie Weinhardt looked good, for the most part. And Alli, I paid close attention during BP, and you are quite right, the eyelashes are truly somethin’ else.
–You know who I really missed? The Bird. There was always a good chance he would show up at the park when the Tigers came into Boston and at one point during BP I found myself looking around for him before I remembered. THEN I WAS SADFACE. I did see two Tigers fans wearing Fidrych jerseys, which was nice.
–PAPA GRANDE WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THAT. WHAT WAS IT. WHAT. WHAT WHAT. I will tell you what it was. THAT WAS FERNANDO. I suffered enough Fernando when we actually had Fernando, I don’t need to Fernando-suffer when he’s not even here anymore. That was the most nerve-wracking 9th inning I have experienced in ages. When David Ortiz hit that grand slam, I thought the Red Sox just HAD to come back to win it; it was starting to feel inevitable. But somehow he (and G-Money) pulled it out. Whew. Whew.
–Needed this one so badly. SO BADLY. Not just in the standings, but in order to get a road win under our belts for the first time in however long. Ages.
–Max Scherzer really needs to go deep into the game tomorrow, because who’s left? Brad Thomas? Paws?
–I have a bazillion photos from this game, especially when we moved up to right behimd home, but you lot will have to wait on that, as it’s going to be ages before they’re all internet ready. Sorry. TOO MANY BASEBALL GAMES (never).