Category Archives: Rhymes with Will

Hello to Quintin Berry, and other things.

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

I am just not sure what to make of this team right now. It seems like every time I watch a game, they find some slightly different, equally exciting way to make a mess of things. The Justin Verlander almost-no-hitter? I was in a bar, watching the Red Sox/Phillies game. You see? My gaze is apparently poison. This does not bode particularly well for next week’s Tigers-in-Boston series, but we’ll shove Gerald Laird over that hurdle when the time comes.

Anyways, welcome to Quintin Berry, who made his Tigers debut and his big league debut at the same time. He also got his first hit out of the way, and it was special indeed: a bunt double. I’m sure every cat wants his first hit to be a home run, but this has got to be memorable. Let’s hear it for the aggregate fruit!

Papa Grande tight back woes? Papa Grande tight back woes.

Austin Jackson’s strained abdomen was supposed to be fine by now, but he was scratched from the lineup due to lingering ouchies. This is obviously Not Good, although I don’t think Quintin Berry is complaining too loudly.

Last bit: this happened about a week ago, but it’s still a good story. Will Rhymes got hit during a game, then passed out from the adrenaline response or somesuch. When he woke up and was asked some questions to determine his brainstate…

Yeah. He said he was Batman.

Come back to us, Will Rhymes? Please? Pretty pretty please??

a slight switch of uniform

Now just imagine that Carlos throws him a spare jersey. Photo by Samara Pearlstein

–The Tigers got Delmon Young. This was a waiver wire deal that was then worked into a trade. DYoung the Second for lefty Cole Nelson (21 years old, at high-A Lakeland) and a Dude to be Named Later. There was some Internet Chatter about the DTBNL being someone the Tigers weren’t happy moving, but who knows.

When DYII showed up in the Tigers clubhouse today, some of the other Tigers were angry because they thought he was violating baseball protocol by waltzing into the opposing team’s space. They had no idea he’d been traded to Detroit. Of course, with the Tigers playing the Twins, all DYII had to do was stroll across the hall to join his new squad.

–In his very first at-bat for the Tigers, DYII hit a home run against his very-recent former team. He later made a nice running catch in the outfield, and also got to see Jim Thome’s 600th home run fly right over his head.

–Yeah, Jim Thome hit homers #599 and #600 in Comerica. Good for him and so on, but I think we all wish he’d done it somewhere else. Even against the Tigers but in Minneapolis would have been preferable.

–Will Rhymes was up yesterday because Carlos Guillen has been placed on the DL with Old Man Wrist. Today he was back in Toledo, sent down to make room for DYII. This is particularly harsh because, well, what is the point of Magglio right now? Can’t the Tigers come up with some sort of injury for him too?

Boesch is expected to get lots of playing time when he returns. Obviously Action Jackson has center field. With DYII in Detroit, Magglio is going to see his playing time (hopefully drastically) reduced. But he gets to stick around while Rhymes gets the fast track back to Muddy.

–At least he has a sense of humor about it. Laughing instead of crying, or maybe crying while laughing, but also Tweeting.

–The Rhino also displayed a sense of humor today. He had made a couple of really bad defensive plays. One should have been a double play, but Raburn somehow sat down at second base instead and only got one out. I forget offhand what the other one was but he looked real silly doing it.

He finally made a catch and throw without screwing up one or more parts of the play, and the crowd responded with a very, very obviously sarcastic cheer. Instead of sulking, or even just ignoring it, the Rhino gave a small, guilty smile and tipped his cap a tiny bit.

–Who is honestly surprised that Carlos Guillen is back on the DL? Show me that person. We have many questions to ask them.

–Even though Brennan Boesch was not supposed to be back from his thumb injury until Tuesday at the earliest, he pinch hit in Sunday’s desperate and ultimately unsuccessful comeback scramble. He came up to bat with what looked like a piece of foam actually taped in place on top of his glove. SPORT SCIENCE.

–Alex Avila is some sort of superhero. He keeps getting abused behind the plate, either by his own pitchers, or through the cruel medium of foul balls. Today he blocked the plate on an attempted inside-the-park home run and got blown up, but held onto the ball for the out. He also went 3-for-4 with a single, double, and triple. Alex Avila, the catcher, hit a triple.

Avila has caught 36 of the past 39 Tigers games. He’s caught 12 of the last 13. He’s caught the last 10 in a row. And that doesn’t count the All Star game, in which he also played.

I know he’s young and in good shape and can take a lot of abuse because of that, but this is getting RIDICULOUS. I understand that Victor Martinez is semi-injured and the Tigers are unwilling to make a move to bring up a spare catcher, but this can’t go on. I don’t care how emergency Don Kelly is supposed to be: put him in there for a game. That potential mass of comedy mishaps would be the price you have to pay if you’re not willing to call up a more legitimate backup.


A Detroit Tigers Passover, 2011

Last year we covered the seder plate. This year we will be covering a different aspect of the Passover holiday: the 10 plagues. These were terrible events visited upon the Egyptian Pharaoh and his subjects, basically as a way of harassing them into letting the Jewish people go while at the same time convincing them that the Jews had God on their side. It had to escalate to the plague level because the Pharaoh was totally not being reasonable about that whole enslavement thing.

Here at Roar of the Tigers we will be explaining the plagues in terms of deadly Detroit Tigers, working to free the team (the Chosen people, natch) from the clutches of everyone else in the Central. This is probably blasphemy in some way, but let’s be real, if Carlos Guillen reclining semi-salaciously in a dish of horseradish didn’t put you off last year, this shouldn’t either.

The Ten Plagues, Detroit Tigers Style

The first plague involved turning the water of the Nile river into blood. Not only did this, you know, turn the river into a river of blood, it also killed all the fish. Double whammy. Here Will Rhymes uses his Science to turn the Cuyahoga River into a torrent of CLEVELAND BLOOD.

The second plague was a plague of frogs. There were just frogs all over the place, all over the homes of the Egyptians, clogging the roads, all up in the Pharaoh’s business in his palace, everywhere. I guess this was more annoying and disturbing than deadly, although I guess you could slip and fall on a frog. That would be pretty rough. Brandon Inge of course is the frog, because he leaps about the field with power and abandon.

Vermin/lice/gnats/swarming insects
This plague is variously translated– the one we’ve always used at our seders is ‘vermin’, but I’ve also seen it as ‘gnats’ or ‘lice’. The general idea is that something small, annoying, and probably insectile was sent out in massive swarms to bother the heck out of the Egyptians. Austin Jackson gets this plague because he swarms all over the vast Comerica Park outfield, bothering the heck out of anyone trying to hit balls in that direction.

Wild beasts
The fourth plague was a plague of ferocious wild beasts, which descended upon the Egyptians and their livestock, doing ferocious beastly things. A lot of clawing and gnawing and loud beasty noises, I would expect. Papa Grande and Paws share this plague, for all the obvious reasons.

Cattle disease/pestilence
Another variously translated plague. I’ve always known it as ‘cattle disease’ but you will see it elsewhere as ‘pestilence’ or something similar. The plague’s plague. It was supposed to take out most of the Egyptians’ livestock (not just the cattle). I had to think for a long time, debating which Tiger would represent this one, but I settled on Alex Avila in the end because he hunts and that’s killing livestock-like animals and he also probably grills things? Grilling things involves livestock also, when that livestock is dead.

The sixth plague, fairly self-explanatory. Doing things to the livestock had not convinced the Egyptians to let the Jews go, so the plagues went direct to the people themselves. The boils were uncomfortable and disfiguring, and the fact that they all sprang up at once was supposed to be further evidence of Godly might or something. Justin Verlander is handing out the boils as he pelts batters with 95+mph fastballs. Although I guess those are more welts than boils? Either way. Painful skin eruptions!

This plague consisted of a crazy powerful storm, with lots of destructive hail. It was bad for the crops and the livestock, and any people who couldn’t shelter effectively from it. Probably busted up a lot of buildings too. Miguel Cabrera generates hail by smashing the storm clouds with his mighty home run blasts, of course, that is how weather works.

You’d think the crops had suffered enough already, but just in case there was anything left, the eighth plague was a plague of locusts, which descended in a huge swarm and ate everything that was there to be eaten. The plagues were big on swarms. There was the swarm of frogs, the vermin/gnats/lice swarm, the plague of wild beasts actually translates directly to something more like ‘mixture/swarm’, and locusts are all about the swarm. Brad Penny is the locust because he’s eating the crops.

For the second to last plague, Egypt was plunged into darkness. All the lights in the sky (sun, moon, stars) were extinguished, and there could be no fire-light in the houses of the Egyptians either. Obviously this was bad for photosynthesizing things, and was highly disconcerting to the livestock and people. Also inconvenient. Max Scherzer here is smashing lights, bringing about the darkness, because it doesn’t matter to him– he can see in the dark with his magical eyes. Duh.

Slaying of the firstborn male
The last and nastiest plague, this was what it says on the tin: the Angel of Death went around and knocked off the firstborn sons of all Egyptians, from the Pharaoh on down to the people who cleaned the Pharaoh’s toilets or whatever toilet-equivalent they had at that point in human history. Which is totally punishing the people for the sins of the leader, like that toilet cleaner really cared about keeping the Jews enslaved? Pretty rude to go killing their firstborn sons too. But you know what the Torah/Bible is like, smiting this and slaying that and everyone being jerks to everyone else, plus all that moral absolutism.

Jim Leyland is the Angel of Death here, because he is responsible for sending down the youthful prospects when he decides their time has come, and he’s also the oldest Tiger in the dugout, so he gets the responsibility of the flaming sword and all that.

This was the plague that finally convinced the Pharaoh to tell the Jews to get the hell out of his lands, which was all they had wanted in the first place. I think we all know what Jim Leyland has to do. Jim Thome, Omar Vizquel, Orlando Cabrera, Matt Treanor– you better watch out.

Happy Passover, kids and kittens!

Brayan Villarreal goes shopping and other Terrible Cartoons

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

There were 3 good things that came out of the Monday game: Will Rhymes bat production, two scoreless innings from Brayan Villarreal, and the following story (as related by Rod Allen, naturally).

Villarreal was pitching, and Rod said (with no preamble) something about Villarreal needing a new suitcase. See, when they got to Baltimore, Rod realized that he had forgotten to pack his socks. Tragedy! But Rod Allen does not panic in the face of adversity. I guess there was some sort of clothing store either in the hotel or in the immediate area, because he took charge of the situation and ‘went down’ to get himself some emergency socks.

In this clothing store he saw Brayan Villarreal, who was being attended to by Jose Valverde and Enrique Gonzalez. They were buying Villarreal suits! Jackets and pants and things! I wasn’t taking notes so I forget Rod’s exact wording, but it was something like ‘getting the young man some nice threads so he’d look good on road trips’– you know, something along those lines. There was no indication that Rod interacted with them, so we are left to imagine him standing quietly off to the side, clutching his fresh socks, watching this tender team-building scene unfold with Olde English Tiger Pride tears in his eyes.

I know the whole Buy the Rookie a Suit or Two thing used to be big, but I didn’t realize it still was. In any event, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT SO MUCH, and as soon as I heard this story I knew that it had to be a cartoon. THE WORLD NEEDED TO SEE.

Rod never did bring the story back around to the suitcase comment, but viewers who were paying attention could conclude that Villarreal would need that new suitcase to hold all of his new clothes.

Wait, I lied, one more good thing to come out of that game:

The sight of Will Rhymes and Derrek Lee standing on first base together. Lee is listed at 6’5. Rhymes is listed at 5’9 and may be shorter than that. It was a beautiful thing to behold.

Also, congrats to Jose Valverde and Mrs. Valverde for creating a baby! Jose Miguel Valverde (according to FSD) was born several weeks ago. There is already a daughter Valverde (Montserrat), so this is the first boy. Papa Grande has another Tater Tot.

So many Tigers are sick right now. It sounds like Verlander’s is food poisoning, but everyone else probably just has a stomach bug.

LEARN THE WAYS OF THE HAND SANITIZER, BOYS. I know germs fly around a big league clubhouse faster than a kindergarten classroom, and I know ‘professional baseball players’ and ‘impeccable personal hygiene’ don’t really go hand-in-hand, but seriously. Hand sanitizer. It’s your friend.

(Only the alcohol-based ones, though, not the ones with anti-bacterial chemicals in them. Those just contribute to superbugs.)

Really hope the rest of this series goes better. I do not enjoy being bothered by the Orioles.

Finally, you all know that I’m a Wolverine. But you may not know that the RotT little brother went to UConn, so when they aren’t playing Michigan or playing against Michigan’s interests, I root for the Huskies.

Aw yeah.

Happy Opening Tigers Day!

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Opening Day! Let us ignore the result and instead concentrate on the fact that baseball is back, and nobody was horribly injured in the first game. RESOUNDING SUCCESS!

Let us concentrate on the hits that Brandon Inge got, and not on his error. I mean… what error? I saw no error. Only hitting. Like I totally did not see a bullpen last night, there was no bullpen. What is a bullpen? I only know of this Justin Verlander fellow. Who threw… 114 pitches… in the first game… huaarrggggh… my eye is not twitching, that’s just what happens when I SMILE THIS WIDE.


Sorry this is up, you know, not on the actual Opening Day… I got home late from work last night and then, er, actually fell asleep while coloring it. Anyways. Click the picture to see it ludicrously large, as usual.

ALSO, happy birthday Will Rhymes! He turns his uniform number today!



Much more on this shortly.

Tigers things that have been happening, in Terrible Cartoons.

illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Was anyone in the world surprised by the ‘news’ that Joel Zumaya and Carlos Guillen will not be with the team come Opening Day? Of course not. The only way this would have been surprising is if both of them were bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and sound in every limb. That would have been truly shocking.

Zoom has soreness in his elbow (the one that shattered so horri-memorably last season), Guillen has some sort of shenanigans surrounding his knee. They will rest, and maybe the inflammation will go down. At that point they will come off the DL, play a few games, and promptly get injured again. So It Is Written.

Let us remember that I already have an entire cat-egory for Carlos Guillen’s surgically repaired knee, and the only reason I don’t have one for Zoom is because there are too many body parts involved.

Will Rhymes has (at least temporarily) beaten out Danny Worth and Scott Sizemore for the starting job at second base.

This is a positive decision from a Roar of the Tigers viewpoint, so I can only hope the Tigers stick with it, and that Will Rhymes continues to wear his hair long. If he decided to start wearing his socks up too, that would pretty much make things perfect. Oh, also he should continue to hit the baseball in a useful manner. Really, though, this is a good thing. Danny Worth is freaking difficult to render in Terrible Cartoon form, and Scott Sizemore just always looks worried. Not when he’s wearing baseball jerseys that defy the mind and eyeballs, but at most other times: worried. WHAT DOES HE KNOW THAT WE DON’T?

Anyways, I feel safer with Will Rhymes. How can you mistrust the second base-defending skills of someone capable of remaining so calm when he’s about to get his face ripped off by a werewolf?

He is also obsessed with Chipotle burritos. OBSESSED. He can talk about them for a disturbingly long time.

Phil Coke is going to be the fifth starter whether we like it or not, but the Tigers don’t actually need five starters to begin the season. The way the schedule is staggered will let them get away with just four until they get to the weekend of the first home series. So that’s an extra 8 games where Coke gets to hang out in the bullpen with all the other relievers who thought they had gotten rid of him. NOPE.

I watched the Mets game that was on FSND the other day, and Phil Coke said some things during his interview.

–“I felt like I was throwing like a little girl there for a while.”

–On how he knew things were going well in some sort of simulated game situation thing: “[It was just] about hearing a lot of foul language from the guys, ’cause I was throwing a lot of heaters down the middle.”

–On starting the season in the bullpen: “I get to hang out with my boys, man!”

–On not being able to run in from the bullpen to psyche himself up for an appearance: “Coming in like a bull from a china shop.”

–On whether he considers himself a ‘personality’ in the bullpen: “Ah, you guys say that. People are gonna believe what y’all tell ’em.”
Rod Allen: “That’s right!”

–On what he’s going to do now that he’s out of the game for the day: “I’m gonna go kick up my feet, put my hands behind my head (demonstrating), put my feet up on the coffee table and go watch some boob tube.”
Rod Allen: “You got a real nice lifestyle!”

He also recently said the following, after a bad outing:

“It was weird,” Coke said. “It was one of those days. Very rarely does this ever happen to me: I could hear everything today.”

After the bat slipped out of the hands of Lance Berkman and into the Tigers’ dugout twice — once in the first inning and again in the fourth, when it struck infield coach Rafael Belliard in the arm — Coke admitted his concentration was affected.

“Once my focus was interrupted, I was garbage,” Coke said.
George Sipple/Detroit Free Press

Fifth starter, ladies and gentlecats: psyched out by crowd noise. I’m not saying this is necessarily going to be an issue during the season, but it is a thing that happened in real actual life. Panic at the level you deem appropriate.

You know how sometimes during a broadcast Rod will just start to lose it, and Mario will continue to doggedly attempt to call the game, but you can totally tell that he’s one wrong word away from cracking up himself, and also he knows Rod is being distracting and incredibly unhelpful but he can’t get mad because Mario just can’t stay mad at Rod? You know what I mean. Anyways, I always imagine it like this. Noogies.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA GRANDE! Jose Valverde turns 33 on March 24. Put on a pair of glasses, squat down, bug your eyes out as far as they will go, and scream at the top of your lungs to properly celebrate.

The end.

DIBS awards 2010

illustration by Samara Pearlstein, click to view larger

In previous years the DIBS (Detroit Independent Baseball Scribes) awards were things like Pitcher of the Year and Breakout Player of the Year and Overall Player of the Year, and it was always incredibly obvious who was going to win (Justin Verlander, whichever rookie had had the best season, and Miguel Cabrera respectively). This year I guess Kurt got bored, so he sent out an email asking everyone for suggestions for new categories.

Naturally I fired off a response full of stupidity, rambling, and categories like Most Creative Injury of the Year and The Kyle Farnsworth Brawl Enforcer Award. It is my way. I assumed that everyone else would pipe up with legitimate award categories and maybe I would sneak in one Best Pitching Face award or something and all would be well.

THEN FREAKING NOBODY ELSE RESPONDED and the Bless You Boys AXIS OF EVIL decided to go with a bunch of RotT-style awards as though that was normal and appropriate. It just goes to show that you cannot trust that massive blog-nopoly. I’ve got my eye on you cats from now on.

Best On-Field Celebration

Jose PAPA GRANDE Valverde

Best Hair, Facial or Otherwise

Phil DRINK ME Coke

Best Pitching Face


Best Use of Social Media


Biggest Surprise

Brennan FIRST HALF Boesch

Best Value


Most Valuable

Miguel MVP OF OUR HEARTS Cabrera

So there you have it. You can probably guess which categories were RotT-generated.

The DIBS bloggers responsible for this ridiculousness are:

Bless You Boys AXIS OF EVIL: Kurt Mensching, Allison Hagen, Matt Wallace, David Tokarz and Al Beaton
the Daily Fungo: Mike McClary
DesigNate Robertson: Scott Rogowski
Detroit Tigers Scorecard: Austin Drake
Detroit Tigers Weblog/TigsTown: Billfer
MLive: James Schmehl and Matt Sussman
MLive/SB Nation Detroit: Ian Casselberry, aka THE FATHER OF THE AXIS OF EVIL
Motor City Bengals: John Parent, Matt Snyder, Zac Snyder, and Chris Hannum
Old English D: Jennifer Cosey
TigerBlog: Brian Borawski
Tigers Amateur Analysis: Erin Saelzler
Tigers by the Numbers: Mike Rogers who apparently ALSO writes for BYB, I tell you, it’s getting FRIGHTENING, they are MULTIPLYING like lemmings or zebra mussels
Tiger Tales: Lee Panas
Where Have You Gone, Johnny Grubb?: Greg Eno

And me, of course. So there you have it. Again.

pug marks, 11/8

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

It has been approximately one thousand years since our last pug marks post, so you know what that means! No you don’t, you’ve forgotten because it’s been so long since we did one of these. Anyways. It means that it’s time for a pug marks post.

pug mark 1
Apparently the Tigers have signed Jhonny Peralta to a two-year deal. Good news for a team without a hot sexy shortstop prospect chomping capably at the triple-A bit, bad news for twitchy newspaper editors. Jhonny had said that he wanted to stay in Detroit, so nobody is exactly screaming with uncontrollable joy, but everyone is moderately pleased, and that’s fine by me.

pug mark 2
Brandon Inge won the Marvin Miller Award for being so freakin’ awesome. This is a league-wide award, mind you, not one of those where one guy on every team gets it. Brandon Inge is such a stand-up fellow that the entire league stands in awe of him. Am I surprised? No. Of course not. Am I pleased. Yes. Yesssssssss.

pug mark 3
Were you wondering who won the pumpkin carving contest? Wonder no more. Although technically that is a scraping, not a carving. Also I think that to win a Brandon Inge bat, you should have to create a Brandon Inge-themed pumpkin. I believe that would have only been fair.

pug mark 4
The Tigers sent Brent Dlugach to the Red Sox for the usual cash-or-a-PTBNL. I’m assuming that most of you don’t really care, but he has been in the system for a while so maybe someone has strong feelings about it. I hope he makes it up with the Sox so I can listen to Jerry Remy struggle to pronounce his name.

pug mark 5
Happy belated Diwali! I don’t have an image of Paws holding a bunch of candles ready to go or anything, so have some Comerica lightbanks. That works for a festival of lights, right? Right.

pug mark 6
Will Rhymes has been having some dog problems.

The dog is a pug; I can’t remember whether or not we know his name, though. Anyone? This is vital information.

pug mark 7
Lee is doing a contest: correctly guess the first new player to sign with the Tigers (from outside the organization), win a book! It’s a pretty good book, you know. It’s got some nice cartoons in it.

pug mark 8
So I guess it’s really the offseason now. If there’s anything you’ve been dying to see rendered in Terrible Cartoon form, speak now and maybe I will draw it. I’ll need little drawing warm-ups now that it’s coming into Wicked Massive and Intense Holiday Card Creation Season anyways.

Mighty Mouse! Here he comes to save the day!

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Will Rhymes hit his first big league home run! In a big league ballpark! With a big league baseball bat! In a big league baseball game, against a big league pitcher! Zack Greinke, even! Exclamation points!!!

I don’t have much else to say about this game, as I did not actually see it, because I was watching the Red Sox lose to the Orioles at Fenway. I guess it wasn’t pretty, but a W is a W. EAT IT, .500!

(Another Tigers win while RotT is at Fenway… time to start the ‘Mr. Ilitch pays RotT to go to every single Red Sox home game next summer’ campaign right now.)

The only other thing I have to contribute is this text message conversation between me and my brother. I had been keeping an eye on the out of town scoreboard at the ballpark, and was pleased to see that the Tigers were winning… until I noticed that, very suddenly, they were not.

RotT: Wtf is FredFred doing??
RotT brother: Well I’ll tell you what he’s not doing, and that’s pitching well in a meaningless game.
RotT: sadface.

And then I had to explain the origin of the FredFred nickname to my Red Sox fan seatmate. So… I don’t know if I had a point there. Oh, right. DON’T DO IT AGAIN, FREDFRED. Not when the games matter, anyways. OK? OK. Great. I’m glad we’ve got that settled.

Terrible Cartoons from the 8/24 game

all illustrations by Samara Pearlstein

Most importantly, CONGRATULATIONS TO BRANDON INGE ON THE OCCASION OF HIS 1,000th MAJOR LEAGUE HIT!! Let us note that all 1,000 of these hits were of direct benefit to the Tigers, because Brandon Inge The Wonderful has been a Tiger the entire time.

Do you know how special that is? DO YOU YOU KNOW HOW IT WARMS MY COLD BLOGGER HEART?

Relatedly, last night I had a nightmare that the Wrong Sox had claimed Brandon Inge off of waivers (this is an actual nightmare that I had). It was so realistic that I woke up like this:

and had to turn on my computer and check the internet to make sure it was really just a dream, and not something that had happened in real life. Because how terrible would that be, right? It was not a good dream and my unconscious needs to not repeat it any time soon. I understand that this probably says some worrying things about my state of mind at the moment, but I’m sharing with you lot anyways.

Late in the Wednesday night game, Rod Allen was talking about Will Rhymes, and called him MIGHTY MOUSE. What immediately sprang to mind:

Rod actually said that Will Rhymes WAS Mighty Mouse, but this was my first thought. Just imagine the adventures they would have together! I know Mighty Mouse usually fought AGAINST cats, not with them, but I feel certain that he would make an exception for Will Rhymes. I don’t know if Rod came up with this one by himself but it is wonderful in any event.

Another thing that Rod said: “Ryan Raburn is ON FIRE!”

Which he is. Rhino was 2-for-4 with a home run in this game, and he is now batting .311/.363/.595 for the month of August. To give you a point of comparison, Miguel Cabrera is batting .284/.478/.552 in the same month (sidenote: gaze upon that .478 OBP in wonder, and behold the result of all those intentional and semi-intentional walks).

Now, obviously Rhino is Rhino and Miggy is Miggy, but for this one month, Raburn is really surfin’ the heck outta those flames.

Oh, and I guess FredFred had a good game today too. I should probably throw some love at the poor beleaguered pitching staff while I’m doin’ this Terrible Cartoon thing.


PS: With this win the Tigers have achieved the ~*~magical .500~*~ record. Sarcastic hooray!

PPS: Traitor Damon is staying. The fact that I still call him ‘Traitor Damon’ should really tell you all you need to know about why he did not want to go back to Boston.