Tag Archives: Maggs

wham! a homer! wham! anudda homer!

illustration by Samara Pearlstein

Nothing like a quick, crisply played game after an offday, eh? A game with few pitching changes, so the action marches right along without a lot of annoying stoppages. A game of control and determination, the pitcher matching wits with each batter as he steps in. A magnificent example of finely played baseball indeed.

Also the complete opposite of Tuesday’s game.

Combining the Tigers and the Mariners, there were

–24 hits, with

–4 doubles,

–1 triple,

–7 homers, and

–1 Magglio Ordonez grand slam in this one.

The Tigers won, so I’m not complaining. I’m just saying, you know: a stately and dignified pitching duel this was not.

Although the collective Tigers pitching entity only issued a single walk, which is rather encouraging, and the Tigers batters managed to eyeball themselves into SIX walks, which is almost unheard-of for them. WHAT MADNESS IS THIS?!

Miguel Cabrera is a freak of nature, which I mean in the nicest possible way. He was 3-for-3 today with two walks, three runs scored, and a homer. He’s toyed with batting slumps for a couple of months now and he’s still hitting .330 and OPSing .949. At this point I would not be particularly surprised to learn that he sweats phoenix tears and that his chin tuftlets are actually portals to another dimension where the world is free of hunger, war, and human suffering.

I also very much appreciated the Magglio grand slam, because poor Magglio cut his hair for naught, let his shining glory be eclipsed by the Clippers of Misguided Dreams, and he’s still been hitting so little that… well. To give you an idea of how truly abysmal he’s been, behold, the following Tigers are currently OPSing better than Maggs:

Ryan Raburn, Placido Polanco, Brandon Inge, Curtis Granderson, Miguel Cabrera, Ramon Santiago, Marcus Thames, Clete Thomas.

The only Tigers currently OPSing worse than Maggs? Gerald ‘mostly ironic G-Money’ Laird; Adam ‘what are a power bat’ Everett; Josh ‘not in any way Curtis Gr’ Anderson; and Dusty ‘I play so infrequently nobody ever remembers I’m even here’ Ryan.

Let’s face it, when you’re supposed to be a hitting superstar and an imposing batting figure to strike fear in the hearts of your enemies, and Ramon Santiago has hit one more homerun than you in half as many at-bats, you will begin to feel that you have Problems. So the grand slam– which ended up being absolutely necessary, as it was only a two-run win– was especially nice, coming from Magglio, who so desperately, obviously needed it.

Anyways, for a video summing up this game nicely, I suggest you head on over thisaway.